Essential reading for all, whatever their gender, this book contains the testimonies of a selection of those who have suffered from the rape culture prevailing in our society up to the present time.

It's hard reading. Triggering. Distressing. Yet so important, so desperately necessary for us all to hear and acknowledge that this is the reality for so many, that things need to continue to be brought out into the open, uncomfortable as that can be, that this way of life has to stop being seen as normal and accepted as such. The inequality, the power play, the fear of living in and with rape culture needs to be eradicated.

Roxane Gay, who herself has written powerfully about her own experiences, collated and edited this short but entirely powerful book of essays, choosing quite a variety of eloquent voices to speak about the truth of their lives and the further harm that is then done by our tendency towards down playing our pain and comparing it unfavourably with the pain and suffering of others. So often we think (wrongly) in terms of a hierarchy of pain... that what we go through is "Not That Bad" comparatively, that "it could have been worse" as though that negates how we are suffering, that whatever horrific a thing was done to us "at least I'm still alive".

Through this book, these essays, the work of opening up to each other, dismantling the secrecy, continues. This is the era of #MeToo, of millions marching and gathering, voices raising together for hope of a better future. We need books like this, open truthful voices like this, eloquently and elegantly written and spoken. I will certainly recommend 'Not That Bad' and adapt parts of it's essays for use as discussion material with older teens. Eyes and minds need to be opened.

Raw and powerful, this read will stay with me a long time. Essential reading, though very tough in parts. In the culture we are currently living in, these are conversations we need to be having. We cannot afford the silence which perpetuates the culture any longer.

A wonderful collection put together by Roxane Gay.

This collection of essays is a very enlightening one: about people who were raped and/or sexually assaulted, about those who work with them, about the rape culture that permeates so many places and societies.

The latter especially is worth mentioning, because little gestures, little ‘jokes’, little everyday sexisms and attitudes and ‘if you wear those clothes then You’re Asking For It’ sayings are the foundations of something deeper, something that leads to rape, and make it so that no matter what, the victims are still the ones who have to justify themselves. Justify the amount of times they said ‘no’; or whether they said it clearly enough (apparently, for many people, a woman who says no actually means yes… and they never question it, and make a decision based on what -they- want to hear). Justify and quantify their pain: if it was ‘so bad’, shouldn’t they be dead? Shouldn’t they be grateful that ‘at least they’re not dead’ (as if that could erase and negate what was done to them)? And so on.

I guess I should be grateful that the ‘only’ aggression I had to go through dealt with random guys deciding that fondling my thigh in the train was something they had a God-given right to do. Or grateful that they ‘only’ flashed their dick in front of my face. It wasn’t ‘that bad’, right? Well, screw that. At the root of it, our stupid, crappy society is still stuck on Man Sees, Man Takes (sometimes women do that, too, but it’s nevertheless much more often the other way ‘round, because Boys Will Be Boys, and all that rubbish we dump into boys’ heads when they’re still so little). And as long as we don’t wake up and grow up for a change, this won’t go away.

The styles are varied, by various authors (female, male, trans), including even an essay in comics format, while being close enough to clearly resonate as a whole. They read quickly and easily in terms of grammar/vocabulary, and yet remain powerful and hard to stomach as well, due to the theme they explore and the pain they deal with, whether they are actually depressing or carrying some form of hope.

These essays are definitely worth reading: as an eye opener for some, as a reminder in general of what is at stake, of the day to day attitudes towards sexual harassment, of all the tiny ways well-meaning people can and will say/do the wrong things.

I was given this book for free via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

I have found myself reading a lot of books that make me question myself and my thoughts, make me uncomfortable and more often than not sad. It doesn’t make me regret reading them but I find I have to take a break and escape into something easy, childlike or completely fantastical… almost to cleanse my mind and pretend that what I read isn’t real. The horrible part of that point is that the people who’s stories reside in this book probably try and fail to do that too, they can’t ever erase what happened to them and they have to learn how to live with those moments.

In a slight segway before I get down to the main review this brings me onto Germaine Greer’s recent comments about victims of sexual assault and rape. Greer is calling for the decriminalisation of rape, yes she does this from a view that it will lessen the need for a criminal court case for the victim, but she completely ignores the impact that rape can have on people. Mainly because she wasn’t impacted in that way.

So here’s my open letter to Greer: read this book. ‘Not that Bad’ is a collection of experiences ranging from clear rape and abuse of trust and status, to the grey areas around consent and sexual assault where many victims would then be forced to explain their position: why did you wear that? Why did you go there? Why did you drink that? Haven’t you done a, b ,c and d in the past?

I found myself crying at some stories, agreeing and nodding along with others (sympathising in relation to my own minor experiences of assault… and now I’m doing my own version of ‘not that bad’) and questioning others on their actions before, quite rightly, checking myself on my thought process.

A comment I read on Facebook recently really put the act of victim blaming into perspective for me whereby the commenter described various dubious situations she had been in hen she was younger e.g. falling asleep on a train whilst drunk and alone, getting drunk at a house party and finding herself in a room with a guy etc. She described how every time nothing happened to her because there simply were no rapisits or sexual abusers in the vicinity.

There are scenarios that I recognise throughout this book and they could have happened to anyone at anytime, but they happened to those involved because they were in the presence of someone who thought it was their right to violate and manipulate these individuals. These individuals didn’t always open up about these incidents because as a general rule of thumb, there was no one to open up to, or in the case of a lack of violence, they brushed them off as ‘not that bad’, it doesn’t however minimise their impact and this is something that I feel Greer needs to learn.

This was an incredibly difficult book for me to read because of the subject matter. It brought back times when friends had disclosed their own events, my own (what I have always seen as ‘not that bad’) incidents of assault and made me worry about the world that my young family members are coming into. But then I reminded myself of great movements like #MeToo that are bringing these events to the fore, and hopefully stopping these things from occurring in the future.

For me, this is a book that everyone should read. It’s tough but so are the lives of survivors.

Not That Bad: Dispatches from Rape Culture is an anthology of essays written mainly by women but there are a couple by men in there as well, curated by one of my personal favourites Roxanne Gay. Putting this collection together and tackling these very difficult subjects isn't something to take on lightly but this was a harrowing reminder of the prominence of the 'Not That Bad' attitude in our culture. This was a brilliant read and I'd recommend it to anyone interested in gaining a better insight into our modern reality.

An interesting and great collection of essays that discussed rape culture. I have been a fan Roxanne Gays work and I couldn't wait to read this which she edited. I can't wait to read more.

This book is a difficult but important read. Giving voice to those who have the strength to speak out, it does not try to make sexual violence more palatable or easier to read about. From the first chapter, it is honest and raw, and I read each experience and saw how the abuse of power can come to exist in so many different guises. From abuse that is cultivated over years, to that which occurs in one night, I was immersed in every chapter and in awe of those who were able to speak with such clarity. Regardless of age or gender, this is a book that should be read by everyone.

Roxanne Gay’s Not That Bad is an anthology of essays and testimonials submitted by educators, activists and survivors of rape, The culture of rape and identity is explored throughout each of the essays, laying bare the blame culture, and subsequent inability to express negative desires, so prevalent and ingrained within and across societies. A timely and topical work it is harrowing reading.

A really hard book to read, but so well collated and put together. I really liked xTx’s story, as I read their book and wasn’t a big fan.

I also enjoyed Floccinaucinihilipilification and the last story.

So much of this book was articulating thoughts that are hard to articulate. It’s the most eloquent words about a most difficult subject.

And for the most part, it doesn’t talk about rape in detail. It’s thoughfully edited and a very important read, especially for males.

I don't even know where to start reviewing this, Not That Bad evoked so much reaction in me and I feel very privileged to have the opportunity to read it. If I only had one word to describe this book, I would choose POWERFUL.

I took my time reading this book, not because I didn't like it but because it is not an easy read. Each story in Not That Bad is written by someone who experienced rape or sexual abuse in some form. There is suffering, pain, depression, hate, self-blame... All of these emotions feel very real, because they are real, this really happened, it is still happening and it is shocking.  I would urge everyone to read this.

Many thanks to Atlantic Books and NetGalley for my ARC in exchange of an honest review.

Thought provoking and challenges everything you’ve ever believed assault/rape to be. Every story was different but they all had the underlying understanding that if it’s not what you want then saying “no” just once is enough.

I received an ARC copy of this book from the Publisher via Netgalley and I am voluntarily leaving my review.

In many ways this book was difficult for me to read (as I myself have been abused) and other ways I feel it has helped me to try and deal with my own situation.

This is some Raw and Powerful writing by Ms Gay. It is a collection of essays from Survivors of Rape and I would encourage anyone of any gender or age to read this.

I am a big fan of Roxane Gay’s writing and think she’s one of the most insightful authors working today so I was really eager to read this group of essays that Gay has collated. By just reading Gay’s introduction I immediately felt like this collection made total sense and is very much needed. The essays in Not That Bad cover a broad spectrum of issues like consent and how definitions of sexual assault have changed and are interpreted differently from one person to the next. This book begins a conversation that needs to be had.

Honestly I was completely invested in the stories in Not That Bad pretty much instantly. Some sentences in the first essay alone rang so true that I couldn’t believe I hadn’t considered some of these issues before. These essays from a wide range of women and some men are definitely not an easy or pleasant read but they are an essential read. They should make you feel many things from empathy through to anger and that is, I feel, the point - to provoke a reaction and a discussion about the culture we have created as a society. There is no one size fits all here, every story is different but they are all of equal importance as examples of how people have been made to feel. The title of this book makes so much sense because it is something that is said so often as though it is possible to qualify the trauma or devastation a person is allowed to feel whether is is due to a sexist comment or an actual assault. It is not up to anyone else to decide how much pain you are allowed to feel in correlation to what has been done to you.

I really believe books like Not That Bad should almost be required reading for everyone because it genuinely is that important. In the wake of things like the #metoo movement it is important to remember that this problem is far away from being completely solved and probably won’t ever be but these stories need to be told in spite of that. Then, hopefully, there can be at the very least some real progress.

Edited and with an introduction by Roxane Gay, the New York Times bestselling and deeply beloved author of Bad Feminist and Hunger, this anthology of first-person essays tackles rape, assault, and harassment head-on.

This is a difficult book to read but I think a necessary one. To begin with, before I started reading, I thought the title referred to what other people would have said to the survivors but it is what the survivors themselves say to help them begin to cope. This is a book filled with both hope and despair; there are many characters to cheer as well as some who should have no place with other members of the human race.

I was able to read an advanced copy of this book thanks to Netgalley and feel privileged to have been permitted to share these stories.

This book was mindblowing.
It was difficult and yet important, compelling and yet disgusting.
Featuring many short stories and essays wrote by different men and women all centred around rape and sexual assault.
As I was reading I was aware that I was reading something important and special. It is not by any means an easy read, I did have to put it down when things got a little too intense. But the joy of it being a collection meant that I would jump around and read what I felt like at the time. It made me inspired and yet furious at the same time, and my attention was held from beginning to end due to the variety of material.
I urge everyone to pick up this book. I think it should be compulsory reading for every woman, man and beast.

It is so wrong and so disturbing that this book is easy to relate to. So many stories can echo what I've experienced myself in today's world. The not going out after dark on your own, as you know that should keep you safe. But why should we need to? So many of these stories show what women today now just take as accepted, however misogynistic or plain wrong. It quite rightly makes you shudder as you realise that you, yourself, has fallen in to similar traps in the past. The last story especially, the list of reasons why, really drummed home there should never be another because. No excuses, no more please.

A must read for all women, all ages.

Roxane Gay is a powerhouse. I listened to the audiobook of Hunger in a single (long) train journey and was so excited to be approved for this title. The stories in this book are so important.

As I read this book, I found myself nodding along, finding a sad comfort in realising that my experiences are not mine alone, but are shared with women around the world. A truthful, honest, validating and relatable collection of essays that should be read by any person who has thought to themselves that what they've been through, or what someone else has been through, was "not that bad".

Roxane Gay is once again doing important work with this excellent collection of essays, tackling rape culture and the misogyny surrounding it. More importantly, tackling the persistent denial of its existence. This really should be required reading. At times its difficult reading but it should be. It is raw and honest but never stridently emotional and that is the best way to deliver messages about rape culture.

I would like to thank Atlantic Books for giving me the opportunity to read ’Not That Bad by Roxane Gay’ in exchange for an honest and unbiased review.

This book is made up of a collection of essays. It is an excellent read. The topic is about rape and feminism, its written in a straight up, raw, honest real manner.
I will be honest some of the story/ essays are strong while others are naturally quite distressing.