Not That Bad

Powerful. Raw. Stunning writing. Pretty much everything I would expect from a collection put together by Roxane Gay.

"What is it like to live in a culture where it often seems like it is a question of when, not if, a woman will encounter some kind of sexual violence? "

This is book about rape and rape culture. Some of the stories are empowering, some are depressing, but all talk about important aspects of the world we live in. Many of the writers explore how rape culture is not just about the act of rape itself, but also found in daily microaggressions, such as misogynistic jokes, "friendly" pats on the butt, and a guy suggesting a woman shouldn't take her pill in public because she is making a statement to men that they can do what they want to her without consequences.

The essays often play around with style, writing in everything from lists to graphic novel format, which I liked.

Many of the writers, I noticed, have a very similar writing style to Roxane Gay. So if, like me, you enjoyed the darkly gorgeous writing in Hunger and Difficult Women, then you should like it here in this book. Audrey Hirst's piece was a particular favourite of mine from this collection.

This is something that everyone, regardless of gender, should read.
It was very, very hard to read, as a woman and a survivor, but it felt cathartic, like my lived experience had a voice through the voices of the women and men in this anthology.
If I could, giant posters of these words would be billboarded over every city, and this would be the start of a required reading class in school.
It makes me so sad that now, every person has a story on rape culture, on toxic masculinity, on the strangulation of patriarchy, and this book is so needful. But it is, and so, I recommend it to all.
Read it to cry, to feel your own anger and sorrow, your own story.
Read it as an academic, noting the widespread data points from all walks of life.
Read it as a sociologist, and see how far reaching and pervasive the issue of rape and rape and culture is.
Just, read it.

The title Not That Bad is the total opposite of reality - yes it is that bad and the essays/letters/articles that make up this anthology testify so strongly to that. It is a powerful collection of peoples ruined lives - ruined at the hands of others. People who have suffered abuse or helped those who have been traumatised by it. I had the feeling reading through some of the pieces that the narratives were not as important as the the fact that it was all being written down. Firstly that and then those stories would be read by people all over the country if not the world. To share something so intense and personal is incredibly hard but to know others felt the same wether or not their experiences were exactly the same or not was irrelevant (I think) but to know you're not alone I hope is helpful. I'm a woman who has never had a bad experience as my sisters (and brothers too) have had but I suggest that everyone reads this difficult but important book.

Wherever you come from and whoever you may be, if you are reading this then go and read the book instead.

This is a raw collation of individual's responses to and experiences with rape culture. Many diverse perspectives are amalgamated here and it provides an entirely heart-breaking but powerful and necessary read.

Roxane Gay introduced this collection by relaying her own experiences with rape culture. What she encountered afterwards became a common theme throughout. Many individuals suffered from horrific abuse and assault, others were touched or spoken to inappropriately, and almost all were told that their experience was 'not that bad'.

There seems to be a socially constructed ideology that whatever the individual suffers it could always be worse. Many of the essays and recollections collected expose individuals in authority telling the victim that they are lucky to be alive. To have survived means it was 'not that bad' because others have died in similar circumstances, right? But then to be catcalled or petted without instruction is 'not that bad' because rape is worse, right?

To tell an individual all they have suffered is 'not that bad' is to allow the perpetrators to continue; it encourages individuals to think of themselves as one of the 'lucky ones' rather than the victim; it disallows time to grieve and the confrontation of true emotions.

The next time you tell yourself or another not to walk down a dark alley alone, to wear a longer skirt, or not to get black-out drunk for fear of bringing a bad situation on yourself, just remember that you are essentially advocating for others to suffer in your place, the ones who did not make these 'safe' choices. The next time you tell yourself or another that your actions could have instructed another to react to you in a way you would rather they wouldn't, ask yourself what they would have to have done for you to react in kind? The next time you instruct yourself or another to adopt that grin-and-bear-it mentality you are allowing the casual sexism and misogyny to continue.

We are brainwashed to fear encouraging worse abuse, through the voicing of concerns and discontent, and are encouraged to always wonder what the victim's portion of blame should be. The answer is none. The answer is always always none.

All this has created a culture which is now our reality - a rape culture. Gay has collated these experiences to illuminate the problems of our contemporary society. It will not change the world and it will not heal the emotional and physical wounds of the sufferers, but it does send the message of a united front and it does provide hope for a future that differs. Because yes, it is that bad.

I would never be able to review this book like a normal review because to review it, I feel, would be to assume myself and anyone else had the privilege to cast any judgement on peoples personal stories, stories were the words are a mere tip on the emotional iceberg of their experience and would never truly begin to articulate the pain of the inhuman acts of which their writers have been subjected to, and stars and opinions very obviously do not and should never matter in this circumstance.
What I will say however is in putting the book together Roxane has managed to highlight how the the world seems to be numbed to rape, to its words and its violence of which is so ingrained in our culture that unfortunately we appear primed to it, prepared for its eventuality in some way.
It’s for this reason and many more the book is a startling eye opener for all which does bring many questions and thoughts to the forefront in it wake.

To say I 'enjoyed' this book seems slightly inappropriate but I found it a very worthwhile read. Not That Bad is a collection of essays on sexual assault which delves into how the survivors feel about what happened. Every single story is shocking and important and this is definitely a must read.

I would like to thank Atlantic Books for giving me the opportunity to read ’Not That Bad by Roxane Gay’ in exchange for an honest and unbiased review.

This book is made up of a collection of essays. It is an excellent read. The topic is about rape and feminism, its written in a straight up, raw, honest real manner.
I will be honest some of the story/ essays are strong while others are naturally quite distressing.

Roxane Gay is once again doing important work with this excellent collection of essays, tackling rape culture and the misogyny surrounding it. More importantly, tackling the persistent denial of its existence. This really should be required reading. At times its difficult reading but it should be. It is raw and honest but never stridently emotional and that is the best way to deliver messages about rape culture.

It is so wrong and so disturbing that this book is easy to relate to. So many stories can echo what I've experienced myself in today's world. The not going out after dark on your own, as you know that should keep you safe. But why should we need to? So many of these stories show what women today now just take as accepted, however misogynistic or plain wrong. It quite rightly makes you shudder as you realise that you, yourself, has fallen in to similar traps in the past. The last story especially, the list of reasons why, really drummed home there should never be another because. No excuses, no more please.

A must read for all women, all ages.

Roxane Gay is a powerhouse. I listened to the audiobook of Hunger in a single (long) train journey and was so excited to be approved for this title. The stories in this book are so important.

As I read this book, I found myself nodding along, finding a sad comfort in realising that my experiences are not mine alone, but are shared with women around the world. A truthful, honest, validating and relatable collection of essays that should be read by any person who has thought to themselves that what they've been through, or what someone else has been through, was "not that bad".