A Deep Dive into the Abyss - My Dark Vanessa

Hello, Alternative-Readers!

Okay, I'm going to say this right out of the gate - brace yourselves for this one, because "My Dark Vanessa" by Kate Elizabeth Russell is not for the faint of heart. But boy oh boy, it's worth the plunge!

Russell has painted a vivid and undeniably raw portrait of a teenager, Vanessa Wye, trapped in a manipulative relationship with her English teacher, Jacob Strane, who is, alarmingly, almost three times her age. And yes, I know what you're thinking. This premise is enough to set off every alarm bell in your head. It's uncomfortable, it's disturbing, and it definitely tests the waters of our collective comfort zone.

But stay with me here, because it's this very discomfort that propels "My Dark Vanessa" into the ranks of unforgettable reads.

Russell's masterful storytelling has us zooming in and out of Vanessa's life. We oscillate between the protagonist's teenage years, where she perceives her illicit affair as a love story, to her adult life where the repercussions of her 'relationship' with Strane make a shocking comeback. The contrast is both startling and intriguing, leaving us grappling with our own understanding of love, manipulation, and victimhood.

I've got to give it to Russell for broaching such a delicate subject matter with such tenacity and courage. By weaving in her intricate understanding of manipulation, trauma, and power dynamics, Russell forces us into an unsettling yet necessary dialogue about consent and coercion. But rest assured, readers, the narrative never loses its grip on sensitivity, allowing for a careful exploration of these themes.

So why should you read it, you ask? Despite its daunting premise, "My Dark Vanessa" is a powerhouse of a novel. It delves fearlessly into the murky waters of a highly controversial theme, bringing out a narrative that is as disturbing as it is captivating.

Yes, the subject matter is sensitive, but the book never exploits its themes for shock value alone. Instead, it engages the reader in an intense exploration of its characters and their motivations, making it an excellent catalyst for meaningful and deep conversations.

In short, if you're looking for a read that will challenge you, make you squirm in your seat, and spark some intense book club debates, then "My Dark Vanessa" is the book for you. And hey, isn't that what great literature is all about?

But a word of caution: this book explores heavy themes and explicit content. So be sure to mentally prepare yourself before diving in. As always, take care of yourselves, dear alternative-readers.

And there you have it! "My Dark Vanessa" – a novel that will leave you contemplating long after the last page is turned. Until next time, happy reading!

The key is in the title. The word "Dark". This is a very dark tale, as Kate Elizabeth Russell flips the script on Lolita, and gives us a modern take from the perspective of the girl. Vanessa is 15 years old who develops a crush on her English teacher, Jacob Strane, that quickly develops from chaste glances to a full-blown affair.
This is not a comfortable read. Vanessa thinks she's a lot more mature than she actually is, and her actions have a lasting impact on her life after the affair. Strane is, frankly, an awful human being, predatory, pathetic, perverted and a paedophile, who turns out to have left a series of ruined lives in his wake and who takes the easy way out when the truth is revealed.
As you read Vanessa's account of events, you find yourself desperately wanting to intervene and steer her away from Strane, although you doubt she'd listen. She lies to her parents, covers up her actions and denies reality. She's caught in the tractor beam of teenage love, she's just picked totally the wrong person to obsess over.
Reading this book was like watching a car crash in slow motion - you can see what's happening, you're powerless to change it, and all you can do is watch in horror as proceedings reach their inevitable conclusion. Highly recommended, but know what you're getting yourself into.

My Dark Vanessa is an interesting book, a story that needs to be read no matter how uncomfortable the topic is. It tells the story of Vanessa Wye, and the relationship she had with her English teacher which started when she was only 15 years old and he was almost 30 years her senior. The story goes back and forth, flitting between detailing the beginning and development of their relationship, and present day, where Vanessa is now 32 years old, and her former teacher is being accused of sexual abuse by other students.
Written so cleverly from Vanessa’s point of view, as she is coming to terms with her reaction ship with her teacher through therapy, it’s a heartbreaking tale of seeing how someone in a trusted senior position could groom a young girl into a teen who thinks she’s in love.
A dark and haunting read, for the most part but I do feel like there were bits that did not need to be included and the book could definitely have been shorter and still have the same affect on your reading experience.
It was well written but I do feel like it ended short, and I know that it was in the timeline of her understanding and accepting her past, it had been so well detailed previously I felt like it could have ended a bit better.
That being said, a very well written story that encapsulates you from the start albeit with huge trigger warnings for rape and sexual abuse, it’s a story that will sit with you a long while after you’ve finished reading it.
Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for a copy in exchange for an honest review.

My Dark Vanessa is a love story told from the perspective of the victim.

That contradiction is at the heart of the novel. Told from the point of view of Vanessa, we see flashbacks to her first love, and watch as she is romanced and seduced by an older man who adores and worships her. However, as a reader it's very clear that we're watching her being groomed, abused and raped by her teacher.

Vanessa never thinks of herself as a victim, she refuses to quite vehemently at several points, but this is so hard to reconcile with the text before us. The parts where we see her as a grown woman in her 30s, trying to deal with the fallout from other students accusing the teacher she was in a relationship of abuse show us a woman who is damaged, her potential never realised, depending on drink and drugs and bad relationships to get by. It's harrowing and hard to see her still reaching out to her abuser for comfort so many years later, even after (an absolutely stomach-turning) revelation that she became too old for him to have sex with (at 27).

My Dark Vanessa never pretends that there's anything sweet or romantic in their relationship, regardless of the narrator's personal feelings. From the start I just felt like Strane (the teacher) was waving red flags around all over the place, from the accidental touches under the desk to giving her Lolita to read (Honestly, fucking Lolita! That book haunts this novel, Humbert Humbert's dirty little fingerprints all over it.)

The sex scenes are so hard to read. The sense of awkwardness, of discomfort and pain saturates them and despite the fairly regular sex throughout the book there's absolutely nothing erotic about any of it. This is where any sense of romance seems to leave the relationship, leaving Vanessa feeling used and dirty, and the reader feeling grimy and unpleasant.

My Dark Vanessa is clearly a novel of the MeToo movement. As such it raises an awful lot of fascinating discussion points. One that continually comes up is Vanessa's agency. She believes that she chose what happened to her, that she was given choices at every step, that she held power in the relationship. She argues that turning her into a victim takes all of that away from her, tells her that she had no power, no choice, no control and that's something she struggles to accept. There are also questions about a woman's responsibility to support other abuse victims. Another student, Taylor, wants Vanessa to talk about what happened to her, pressures her to do so, but shouldn't that be Vanessa's own choice? I don't feel like it ever questioned the rightness or wrongness of what happened to Vanessa, but there are so many complexities around how she sees it and how she deals with it that the book sheds light on.

My Dark Vanessa is a powerful novel but makes for very uncomfortable reading!

Spicy take on consent, grooming and a teacher’s abuse of power. I raced through this one and will be recommending. Thanks NetGalley!

My Dark Vanessa is an incredibly hard, uncomfortable yet moving story about a young woman who has to start re-examining the relationship she had with her teacher when she was 15 years old after other women come out to say he sexually assaulted them as students. But Vanessa doesn't believe she is a victim of abuse, because according to her they were in love, and she's carried that toxic love with her into her adulthood and allowed it to shape who she has become.

This book is just incredibly written in so many ways. I found it very immersive, almost too much at times, I felt like it was hard to suck myself and my mind out of the story. When I read it before going asleep, I ended up replaying some scenes and things I had read in my mind as I thought about the book, the story, the real events inspiring it. The story and content is very raw, vulgar at times and so uncomfortable to read. I hated and loved Vanessa in equal parts - wanted to shake her and save her all at the same time, wanted to cry when reading her go back to her abuser, and the realisation of how warped her mind had become because of his grooming, it felt like she would never be free.

I feel like this book really showcases that abuse stories and victims are never the same - everyone is different, everyone has different experiences and has absorbed those experiences differently - some like Vanessa might even have trouble remembering due to her abuser warping those memories and convincing her of different things over the years. This is one story of an abuser and his victim, but that doesn't mean that everyone will think or act the same as Vanessa.

It was genuinely fascinating at times reading about Vanessa's relationship with Strane, and understanding how the manipulation and mind games work in such relationships and power plays. There's times that Vanessa seems utterly repulsed by Strane and everything he embodies - the clothes he wears, the way he eats, the things he does to her sexually - she doesn't like the physical relationship he has with her but instead the feeling of being wanted, adored, worshipped in a way a young, lonely and vulnerable girl craves.

The behaviour of the adults in Vanessa's life was utterly disgusting - from the school's dismissal of the case (and victim blaming) to allowing Strane to teach for years and abuse more girls (like we've seen happen IRL countless times in media, education, church etc) as well as even Vanessa's parents, particularly her mother, who were aware of the relationship but didn't do enough or even anything to try and save their daughter from a monstrous man.

I definitely recommend this book though obviously because of the content, I would recommend being in a really good, strong frame of mind going into it. This is definitely a really unique 'survivor story' from others I've read - both fiction and non fiction - and this really does deserve all the praise it's been getting!

One of the best books I have ever read. Which is a strange thing to admit considering the serious subject matter. It isn’t comfortable reading but it’s so authentic. You become invested in Vanessa’s journey and you understand her hostility and awkwardness. She was groomed in a truly effective and emotional sense and her relationship with her teacher defines her totally. An incredible debut.

This is such a difficult book to review because I left the book feeling so confused. It's well-written, it's paced well - it's a good book, but the content itself is so disturbing that it's hard to really say I enjoyed it. I gave it 4 stars because it was GOOD. It's very easy for an author to write a story of a student being groomed by their teacher, but I think having the 2017 adult chapters for Vanessa elevated the story. Vanessa herself is a highly unlikeable character, but it's interesting to see how the exploration of trauma and rationalization of abuse on the page from both her 15-year-old self and her 32-year-old self in therapy. I liked this book, though I can't say I 'enjoyed' it.

This is a very dark and difficult read but a very important one.
This book is written so well and it’s hard to believe that this is a debut novel.
The characterisation and pacing of this novel is so good
A great read

Thank you for the chance to read this. I want to appologise that I have been unable to finish this book. This is by no means a negative review, however the subject matter hit a little too close to home and I was not expecting to be affected or triggered as much as I was.

Obsessed with Lolita since she was a teenager, Russell decided to tell the teenage girl’s side of the story. The result is so convincing that I might have sworn she’d been through a similar experience herself. Instead, it’s a narrative the author has been carefully honing for the last 18 years, imagining herself deeper into the psyche of Vanessa Wye – a woman who, as the #MeToo movement is heating up, can’t bear to think about her affair (starting at age 15) with her boarding school teacher, Jacob Strane, as anything other than consensual. “Because if it isn’t a love story, what is it?” Vanessa asks her therapist. “I’m not a victim because I’ve never wanted to be, and if I don’t want to be, then I’m not,” she declares. That’s how it works. The difference between rape and sex is state of mind.” She scoffs at words like “abuse” and “rape,” denying everything, even to herself – but then will choose to use these as buzzwords when it’s convenient for her purposes.

Russell uses the dual timeline to great effect: one strand opens in 2000, when Vanessa is a new student at Browick, and the other follows up with her in 2017, when new allegations come out about Strane and various female students and Vanessa, a low-level addict who works in reception at a hotel but can’t otherwise get her life together, has to decide whether she’s going to tell a reporter the whole story or not. This was an utterly immersive novel, as good a first-person narrative as anything Curtis Sittenfeld has ever written. I also liked the allusions to other works of literature, from Nabokov (the title is from Pale Fire) to Swift. I would love to see Russell win this year’s Dylan Thomas Prize, and I can’t wait for her next release. This would also make a great book club selection.

This book was really difficult to read at times. I read this book 2 months ago and it has been hard to put my thoughts down in writing. The manipulation of a young girl that still impacts her adulthood. New allegations have been brought up bringing forward all her thoughts from her childhood. The thoughts that he loved her and the fact it was not abuse. A book that will bring many interpretations for everyone.

Well firstly if your of a nervous disposition don’t read this one! Child abuse and grooming and much more all quite dark matter!

Saying that I enjoyed it immensely (is that bad 🙈) I thought it was a great read and I personally couldn’t put the bloody book down, fantastic story just has some very dark matter!

Loved it 😊

Firstly I need to tell you this book is explicit and the subject matters of child grooming and sexual abuse aren’t sugar coated – it’s raw, brutal, disturbing and extremely uncomfortable reading from page one until the end.

My Dark Vanessa is not just dark it’s almost total blackout and readers of a delicate nature should avoid at all costs.

Vanessa is our narrator and doesn’t hold back in her thoughts, feelings and memories. Now aged 32 years old and barely coping with life, working in a hotel as a concierge and drifting from booze, drugs and meaningless sex she takes us back to her childhood when she attended a prestigious boarding school and at age 15 met and “fell in love” with her English teacher, 45 year old Jacob Strane.

Watching Vanessa’s decline is like putting a fork in a microwave and being unable to stop watching the sparks fly before completely exploding. You know it’s coming, you know it’s going to be bad, but you just can’t take your eyes off it. I felt deeply sorry for Vanessa, it was impossible not too. Even as her behaviour was becoming more and more erratic I felt myself holding my breath, hoping things would work out for her.

Even through Vanessa’s words the reader is under no illusion that this is 100% predatory child grooming and it’s impossible not to feel sorry for Vanessa and disgust at Strane’s behaviour. One of Strane’s earlier comments to Vanessa is that he is going to ruin her and there is no doubt he does exactly what he said he would as we watch her life and future fall apart in the hands of this twisted paedophile.

“His hand slips out from under my skirt and he slides like liquid out of his chair and onto the floor. Kneeling before me, he lays his head on my lap and says, “I’m going to ruin you.”

Whilst all the above is shocking and uncomfortable to read, it’s Vanessa’s refusal to face the truth of who the real victim is especially when several other students come forward accusing Strane of molesting or assaulting them that makes the reader feel the most disturbed.

My Dark Vanessa is a powerful and deeply thought provoking debut novel which will leave a mark on you as a reader and as a human being. The writing is utterly spellbinding and beautiful and the author has written an exceptional story which will stay in my thoughts for a long time.

I didn’t like this book. I have daughters and just found it disturbing. Not for me I’m afraid.

Many thanks to netgalley and Kate Elizabeth Russell fir the advanced copy of this book. I agreed to give my unbiased opinion voluntarily.

This book was simply not for me. I have two teenage daughters so I found the content very disturbing and it actually made me feel a little ill.

ow. This was quite a read, and I’m still not sure what to make of it.

It’s arresting, I’ll give you that- in both senses of the word. Kate Elizabeth Russell’s book is a modern-day Lolita, from Lolita’s viewpoint: that of Vanessa, a girl who was groomed by her teacher, Jacob Strane, when she was in school and refuses to acknowledge the damage it did to her, or the fact that he was guilty at all.

For those reasons alone, you might imagine that this is a difficult book to get through. And you’d be absolutely right, but Russell’s writing is so striking and powerful that it’s also difficult to put down.

Vanessa’s viewpoint is that she is not the victim. According to her, she entered into the relationship consensually. She’s still in love with Strane, and believes that the other girls coming forward with stories of abuse at his hands are lying. Because Strane is the good guy, and she’s the lover that he aged out of, even though she’s now drifting through life, surviving on alcohol, cigarettes and meaningless sex.

Obviously, this isn’t true. Vanessa was abused, but the conviction and pride with which she tells us her thoughts is striking and shocking. It’s rare- no, pretty much non-existent- for you to read about a grooming victim who doesn’t see herself as having been abused, and it’s deeply unnerving.

Russell also takes us through a blow-by-blow account of how it happened. She is agonisingly methodical in how she recreates Vanessa’s seduction at the hands of Strane: the precocious girl, just realising the power she has over men. It’s difficult to read because it’s difficult not to see yourself in Vanessa as a fifteen year old: hopeful, full of hormones, naive and trusting. She believes she’s special, and who doesn’t want to think they’re special?

This book isn’t for the faint-hearted. Russell goes into pretty graphic detail about their relationship, and the many ways in which Jacob Strane ruins Vanessa’s life afterwards- and that of her parents. Vanessa’s slow realisation that perhaps Strane’s behaviour wasn’t right after all inches the story forward by degrees, but really the book is about power and the horrible things that happens when people abuse it. Disturbing: a powerful read, but not one I much liked.

I didn't actually finish this book. The reason I waited so long to write this review was because I did plan on going back to it when I felt ready, but I think now I'm just not ever going to be ready to finish it. But I read enough of it to feel okay writing this review. The reason I couldn't finish the book was actually the very reason I think it's such a good book and would recommend it to people (with trigger warnings).

The subject matter of the book is very heavy and the fact that it jumps back and forward between adult Vanessa and teen Vanessa was an excellent choice because it shows perfectly how damaging these relationships can be. Right from the start, we know that she's not okay, that this relationship--in spite of her denial--has caused her lasting damage.

I've seen and read movies and shows and books that romanticise the teacher/student romance thing. Or even just the older guy dating the teen girl thing. And they're always shown with adults playing the teenagers so the wrongness of it isn't so visually apparent or they're told just from the teenagers perspective where it's putting you into their shoes in that moment when they're caught up in how they're feeling, when they're believing all the things these older guys are saying and believing that it's okay without the distance that is needed to highlight why those relationships are usually so messed up. Why an older guy telling teenage you how beautiful you are and how mature you are and doing things with you that you're not nearly mature enough for, especially not with an adult, is wrong and creepy instead of flattering and that even if you are "mature" and "wise beyond your years" the fact that this man is pursuing you instead of someone his own age is all kinds of red flags.

I guess what I'm saying is that the book, as far as I read, got it right. It felt wrong right from the start, it never felt romantic. It made me uncomfortable reading it because I've been, and known, the teen girl who doesn't see why that older guy taking an interest in her like that isn't right and it took becoming an adult myself to really see that.

That's why I think the book is important. It shows the relationship in hindsight. I'm rating the book 3.5 stars because it doesn't feel right to rate it higher when I couldn't finish it, but I do think highly of the book in spite of that because the writing and characters and execution of the story were great and the reasons I couldn't finish it had everything to do with me and not the book itself.

Sorry; I tried, but really couldn't connect with this book, I didn't particularly like or care about the protagonist and when a different book appeared in my hands... I never did get back to this one.

I received a free ebook version of this through Netgalley. Thankyou to both Netgalley and the publisher for allowing me to read this! My review is still honest.

Woah. This book is a dark one, and if you're sensitive to the topics of abuse of pedophilia in any way, I would steer well clear. However, if you feel you can handle it, this is one of the most complex books I think I've ever read, and it is well worth the read.

My Dark Vanessa is, in a nutshell, the story of a young girl realising that the great romance of her life, the relationship she had with her teacher when she was 15, was actually a tale of abuse and manipulation. Vanessa has never thought of herself as a victim, and the way this treats the themes of victimhood and how clever abusers can be is really thought provoking and enlightening. It shows grooming in a way so you understand how it isn't clear to these young girls what's happening to them. There are moments in this that made me tear up, feel sick and disturbed, feel hopeful. It's a rare kind of book that can make you feel so deeply and widely.

The writing style in this was beautiful and very accessible. It's an adult literature book that reads almost like a young adult in terms of how easy the writing style is to read. I did feel the pacing was a little off, but it wasn't a major issue in my opinion. I was very impressed with this one.