So, here’s the thing. I’m not even halfway through reading My Dark Vanessa and I have already started writing the review. My head is spinning and my brain is fizzing. I have so many thoughts that I need to get them down on a page immediately.

Vanessa is a lonely student at a private co-ed Boarding School when she ends up in the classroom of Jacob Strane, her new English teacher. She is starved of attention and he makes her feel special by singling her out in classes and praising her work. She and her best friend have fallen out and he uses this to position himself as her confidant and as the only person who really, truly understands her.

In the present, the #MeToo movement is at is peak and Strane is accused of sexual abuse by a former pupil. We learn that Vanessa cannot let go of her connection to him and is still in contact with him. Kate Elizabeth Russell pivots this modern day furore against a young Vanessa being groomed. It puts a whole new slant on the issue and allows us to climb into Vanessa’s head and feel her emotions and thoughts. Because the thing is, she doesn’t feel she is a victim and she still loves him.

Clearly this book deals with some difficult issues. Vanessa is groomed by an older man and becomes his lover. She falls in love with him. She is his sexual plaything. He makes her think she has the power when actually he holds all the cards. He tells her that nobody can know about them as nobody would understand, he would lose his job and that she would be removed the school, removed from her family and her future would lie in tatters. He makes her reliant on him. He veers from possessive to disinterested. He crosses lines and then boundaries. He is mentally abusive. And, now, all these years later she is still in his thrall.

It is insidious, graphic, compelling and one of the most affecting pieces of literature I have ever read. It is excellent but I really struggled to read it as it was just so overwhelming. That isn’t a criticism by any stretch of the imagination, this book’s subject matter is so important that it deserves to be digested slowly. It’s just, sometimes I had to walk away and let things settle before I picked it up again. I love books that are that powerful. It shows how evocative and striking the writing is that it feels like I am actually living within the pages.

In fact, I kind of felt like I was reading a personal account as the writing is that vivid (the author has stated that none of this book is autobiographical). It isn’t sensationalised. It is bleak, dark, immersive and probably one of the most important and impactful books I have ever read. My Dark Vanessa is going to be everywhere and rightly so. Buy a copy, you won’t regret it.

This isn't a book you can go into lightly, but it is one that deserves your full attention. And once you've read it, you'll understand why writers like Louise O'Neill and Stephen King are raving about it.

Although challenging, My Dark Vanessa gives a voice to victims of sexual abuse, and does it in a powerful, cutting edge way.

Many thanks to 4th Estate and Netgalley for an advance read copy of this title in exchange for an honest review.

Subject matter and tone I tend to stay well clear of but so well written it was impossible to put down.

A lot.to think.about, not just the novel itself but the way it's readers will react.

A truly.stunning debut that leaves me wondering how much is fact and how much is fiction. It's deep on a personal level and it's that depth which will make this a huge success.

This was a hard read in response to the nature of the book! A student having a relationship with a teacher. Well written and makes you read to the end!

I’m not sure that I can say I enjoyed reading this. Dark and strange, this story is oddly compelling. The narrator infuriated me most of the time but this book is cleverly written and will sit with me for a long time.

I thought this was an astonishing, unforgettable book but it triggered a lot of stuff from my past and in the end I couldn't finish it as it was all just too uncomfortable for me, I will nevertheless recommend it to friends and colleagues as it is exceptionally well written.

Wow, what a powerful book. Very dark subject matter, but compelling reading. I could not put it down.

An intelligent but very uncomfortable look at the grooming of a 15 year-old girl by a teacher, old enough to be her father, and the long term consequences of this.

Thought-provoking and very disturbing, you will not forget this book in a hurry. It is a necessary book for our times.

A book that is difficult to write about. It’s an uncomfortable book to read.

It is the year 2000 and 15 year old Vanessa Wye begins a relationship with one of her teachers, Jacob Strane, a man 30 years older than she is, although the age gap is clearly less significant than the fact that she is underage. One thread of this novel is the story of that relationship over the course of several years. In a second thread, we skip forward to 2017 when events force Vanessa to re-evaluate that relationship and the stories she has been telling herself over the years.

It is uncomfortable to read because it deals with grooming, consent and guilt. It presents us with the story of a sexual predator who manages to abuse a young girl whilst, somehow, making that girl feel like she is in control and they are only doing what she wants.

But it is more complex than that because the strength of the novel is the way it presents the ambiguities of these situations. We know that Strane is a predator, but Vanessa is not unaware of the power she has: her actions at several points in the story cause the reader to stop and think about what is actually happening in the relationship. In the 2017 narrative we meet other victims of abuse and, again, everything is far from morally black and white. It is unsurprising, perhaps, that Nabokov’s Lolita plays a prominent part in the story with Vanessa’s view of the story there gradually shifting as she comes to terms with what has actually happened to her.

For me, this is one of those books that I find I want to give more stars to after I have read it than I felt I wanted to give whilst I was reading. Looking back, it is clear that the author has written sensitively about a complex, delicate subject in a way that makes the reader stop to reconsider their understanding and some of the judgements they make. I didn’t quite feel all that as I read: I might have felt it more if the book were more compact.

Overall, I can see why this is being talked about as the book everyone will talk about in 2020.

3.5 stars rounded up.

I recieved a free digital copy of this book via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. All opinions ar emy own and are given freely.

I was totally unsure if I'd like this book, it's been so hyed since the arcs started going out last year and I've heard some amazing stuff about it, but I've had a lot of bad experiences with hyped books in the past. But this one really intrigued me.

So this book is a compelling read - I definitely can't describe it as 'good' - and I HAD to keep reading, I just couldn't put it down. However it is incredibly disturbing and at points I wanted to cry which just made this more compelling and more disturbing.

The characters are well written and it has a good pace and I could empathise with the characters..
Some more than others... But it was such a hard read due to the nature of the characters.

The main thing I disliked about the book was the formatting. Now I realise that this is probably due to to fact its a digital arc... But I found it hard to figure out which time frame we were in at some points. Some of the past was in Italics and some wasn't, there were places where there should have been a new paragraph, and random words were missing - not the kissing words are normally a deal breaker for me, however the book was so compelling it was only in the back of my mind... But it sticks with me now that I've finished it.

So yeh other than the senstivie topics I didn't really have a problem with anything storyline wise... I did want to slap the mc sometimes but that was more out of my own frustration at how she was manipulated by him.

I will definitely keep my eyes peeled for this author again

’m not really sure how to write this book review and it’s taken me a few days since finishing it to be able to write it
I’m not one to get squeamish or a prude or anything as my friends would say "I like the sick"
But this book was a bit difficult for me. It isnt the most “graphic” of novels, but it’s just the way you can almost imagine Strane to be licking his lips and heavy breathing on Vanessa. Whilst reading it I often had shivers.
The thing that i struggled most to get my head around is just how much Vanessa annoyed me. And I felt awful for this, with what she has gone through
I was so desperate to read this book and I’m still not sure if I “enjoyed” it. But there is one thing for sure, the book will stay with me for a while!
I’m going to give this ⭐️⭐️⭐️ for now as I still cannot make my mind up!

Dark, gripping and unsettling. I was hooked from the first few chapters! I found way the author wrote this book so interesting - it's a dark and disturbing topic but the way the author wrote parts of it it could be easy to see how some people could be sympathetic to both Vanessa and Strane. It had some quite shocking sections that were hard to read but it made the emotion and character-arc so much more intriguing.

I heard a lot of hype about this book and I was not disappointed. I flew through the pages devouring every unsettling and disturbing detail. A very timely topic of grooming in an era where people are finally calling out the abusers.

Not an easy read. I struggled with the whole concept of 'responsibility'. Initially - of course it's the adult! The more I read I became more and more uncertain. At the end - of course it's the adult. Enjoyed the book but a very demanding read.

There is so much that can be said about this novel. An extremely sensitive subject matter which people may find uncomfortable for a number of different reasons.

The story was depressing but also captivating. The ending frustrated me and let me down. It felt rushed and shallow compared to the depth of the rest of the novel.

The time order of the story coming together didn’t quite cohesively meet at the end for me. However I think this will be a memorable read that I will be thinking of for a long time after reading

I completely underestimated how dark this book was actually going to be. This was a dark, difficult and emotional book to read however that being said I read it in a few sittings and just couldn't put it down. This was a powerful book which is perfect for our current climate and the me too movement we are presently seeing.

I found the characters so real, Vanessa was incredible well written as a character. I found it so interesting to read from a perspective that seemed so real and to get a greater understanding of how someone like Vanessa wouldn't realise they are a victim.

I would 100% recommend as I think it is an important read.

This was such a gruelling read .
This is the tale of the manipulation and seduction of a fifteen year old girl-Vanessa- by her English teacher .
However -the story is told from the veiwpoint of Vanessa -a gifted student who just can't seem to see the harm this is doing to her .
You forget at times she is an impressionable young girl and I wanted to give her a good shake .
Quite a sad story really

Thankyou Net Galley for an ARC in return for an honest review.

Thrillingly dark and gloomy, this twisted and oppressive tale of a 'romantic' relationship developed between a school girl and her English teacher is packed with introspection and a claustrophobic, overriding feeling of inevitability as Vanessa unpacks her formative years and her experience of relationships.
The book jumps back and forth between Vanessa's present - in 2017 - and her past. In the wake of an accusation by another student of sexual assault against an English teacher in her school, Vanessa begins to return to her relationship with that teacher, which began when she was fifteen, and the impact this had on her life in the years following. The novel follows Vanessa through her high school and college experiences, up until she's about 22, which means we see the lasting impact and repercussions of her experience with Strane.
I hesitate to use the word relationship here, because although it was a relationship, Vanessa's unpacking of what that means and what her experience with Strane did to her life in general is one of the great strengths of the book. Vanessa is deep, deep in the cycle of abuse, and is fully sure that Strane loved her, and that their relationship was pure and beautiful - it was only the world turned him into a monster.
My Dark Vanessa makes for uncomfortable reading, which I had to take frequent breaks from, because it was very hard to cope with at times. Not because of graphic content - although there were repeated descriptions of teenage rape, even if that's now how Vanessa saw it at the time - but because of the psychological wearing down of Vanessa's boundaries and defences, until she thinks that Strane's interest in her is pure and romantic, rather than disconcerting and predatory.
The way in which Strane gently breaks down Vanessa's boundaries is methodical and slow, clearly a man who knows how to manipulate vulnerable young girls, and as the book progresses and you see how this impacts on Vanessa's life in so many ways, it can be difficult to cope with. Vanessa herself remains oblivious at the time, and looking back with her adult eyes, she sees much less than the reader does. The narrative delicately positions Vanessa as a hugely unreliable narrator, as her starry-eyed naivete paints a much less grim image than we see as readers.
Deeply affecting, and honestly the best portrayal of a student-teacher relationship I've ever read, it's hard to believe that this is a debut, and I look forward to reading more from Kate Elizabeth Russell.

Compelling, yet deeply unsettling! Author, Kate Elizabeth Russell has created a riveting page-turner that depicts an unflinching account of the grooming and manipulation of an underaged girl by an adult male in a role of trust and power. And of the devastating consequences for both of them. The psychologies of both characters are fascinating. This one will linger.

This is a really uncomfortable read - but being made to confront a difficult situation is uncomfortable. The subject at hand is the grooming and abuse of a 15 year old girl by her teacher. There is a move by society, and in this case, the author, to question did the girl/victim 'ask' for it, or indeed, want it. I firmly believe this is not true. Come on, look at all the things we believe we knew, understood and really wanted at 15 - and now look back on with wry amusement because, thankfully, there were adults there to guide us.

I found the first part of the book very hard to read. Details of the psychological grooming and the physical abuse are not spared, and I questioned why I was reading this subject matter as entertainment. It felt wrong, voyeuristic and frankly as if I was participating.

However the book moves on and deals with Vanessa's state of mind regarding the teacher and her predicament. She is convinced that she is special, their relationship was special and therefore she was in control. At this point I found the book fascinating, how the coercive control of the abuser lasts for years, impacting the lives of the victim, her family and other students at the school.

So to sum up - deeply uncomfortable but I hope that many people read it as it provides an insight into the long term chaos caused by adults abusing their position of trust.

A disturbing, thought provoking and compulsive story of grooming and it's impact on a 15 year old girl by her school teacher; will stay with me for a long time

Wow! What a debut! Uncomfortable, compelling, disturbing and dark, Amy Dark Vanessa won’t be for everyone but you will be missing a real gem if you don’t read it.

The story of Vanessa Wye and her relationship with her teacher Jacob Strane. When she joins a prestigious boarding school and falls out with the only friend she has, she is a vulnerable young girl. Always a bit of an outsider and a loaner, she is lonely and vulnerable and Strane 30 years her senior hones in on her and takes advantage of her isolation and loneliness.
Convincing her she is something special, an infatuation for him, he convinces her that she is the love of his life and that she is in control of everything that happens.

The story is told exclusively from the viewpoint of Vanessa, from the present day where she is 32 years of age, back when it all began when she was 15 and a little later in her young life when she is in college. It bounces back and forth between the three as the story slowly unfolds.

So, yes this is an extremely uncomfortable read and it’s not a very pleasant subject matter but it’s an utterly compelling read. The beauty of it is that it’s not just black and white like it could so easily have been. Don’t get me wrong, at no point do you think that Strane is anything less than a monster but Vanessa and her narrative make a good case for him to the reader and herself that he isn’t the monster he is. She is trying to convince us as much as she is herself. Her life has been consumed and defined by him. She has never admitted to people or herself that she is a victim. She sees herself as a willing participant. The relationship defines who she is and her life. To admit she is a victim shatters everything she believes about her self and her life.

She is also, dare I say not the most likeable character. Slightly narcissistic and aloof, she’s not the sweet little girl that could have been portrayed here as the innocent victim. It adds shade to the whole thing and stops it becoming an exercise by numbers.
Be in no doubt though. You never look at her as anything but the victim and Strane as nothing other than a monster. As I say there is shade added to both characters which adds hugely to the depth of the story but it is ultimately the story of a victim and a perpetrator.

It’s only January and this one is already in contention for my book of the year. The writing is brilliant. The characterisation is brilliant. The light and shade added to the obvious black and white is brilliant.

An utterly compelling read that will stay with me for a long time. Highly recommended.

Many thanks to Netgalley, 4th Estate and Kate Elizabeth Russell for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.