Wow! I knew this would be dark but didn't realize how emotional this would make me. This was such an amazing novel about the devastating livelong impacts of abuse.

This really did an amazing job of the intricacies of power dynamics. I think I had a general idea of what "grooming" was before reading this but now I understand how absolutely terrifying it really is. The manipulation and psychological mind games Mr. Strane played with Vanessa was heartbreaking. I think my favorite thing about this book was how much you got an inside look into a victim's psyche. Vanessa struggles with what happened with her. Outside looking in, what happened was objectively horrible and bad, but the author does a wonderful job of explaining why it wasn't so clear cut.

My Dark Vanessa is a dark, deeply disturbing and unsettling novel that captures the zeitgeist of our contemporary realities of the # MeToo movement, looking at the complexities and emotional repercussions of a 'love' affair between a lonely schoolgirl, anxious, suffering the loss of her closest friend, with self esteem issues, desperate for attention, with a much older, manipulative and predatory male who zeroes in on her vulnerabilities. This uncomfortable book examines the psychological and sexual anatomy of a relationship between 15 year old Vanessa Wye and her 45 year old English teacher, Jacob Strane, how it all began, and his prophetic words that he will 'ruin' her. At 32 years old, Vanessa is seeing a therapist to deal with her grief over the loss of her father, working in a dead end hotel job, and Strane is having to deal with the fallout of a former student, Taylor Birch, having gone public with allegations of abuse. He needs to know that he has nothing to worry about from Vanessa. She reassures him, despite feeling the pressures of a climate to be honest about male behaviours and attitudes.

In a narrative that goes back and forth in time, we see that Vanessa's relationship with Strane is the axiomatic one, she has never got over him, he has been her obsession but what is the nature of the ties that bind her to him so irrevocably? She is herself not certain of who they were in the past, what exactly happened and what they are now, her memories are confused, fractured and questionable when it comes to reliability. She has invested so much of who she is in him and she has to believe it was love, if she begins to question this, her sense of self, her identity, threatens to splinter apart. She feels the outside world is too quick to judge, and fails to appreciate that feelings, sex and love cannot be compartmentalised and categorised so rigidly according to society's norms, humanity is far more complicated and flawed. She has power, control, and desires, she chose Strane, she is no victim, she is the love of his life, special and irreplaceable. But what if she hasn't seen him clearly? What if she is one of many girls targeted by Strane?

Strane abuses his position of influence to groom young, naive, susceptible school girls, the nightmare of every parent, who uses the panoply of literary greats in his arsenal of weapons against the immature young girl, a history of writers who had relationships with young girls. A literary chorus (all men) of precedents, approval and support from history and the arts to legitimise Strane's darker desires for young female flesh and society's complicity in this widespread practice. This include the likes of Edgar Allan Poe, Frost, and Nabokov's Pale Fire, his references to 'My Dark Vanessa', and Lolita is, of course, central, all adding their weight to the inevitability and righteousness of Vanessa and Strane's unconventional dark 'romantic' relationship, particularly in Vanessa's malleable mind. Strane gaslights with no qualms, his rewriting of their personal history, of how Vanessa had control, equal power and green lit every step of their relationship, are critical self serving and self protective strategies. This is a challenging read, I had to make myself finish the book, but it is thought provoking in its portrayal on one of the most contentious and burning issues of our day. I have no doubts this is a book that it is going to be huge on publication. Highly recommended. Many thanks to HarperCollins 4th Estate for an ARC.

It’s 2017 and the height of the me too movement when Vanessa Wye learns about the allegations against her former English Teacher, Jacob Strane. Vanessa is horrified by the allegations, after all, the relationship she had with Strane when she was 15 wasn’t abuse, it was love.

Obviously the subject matter is quite disturbing and potentially triggering for some people so please bear that in mind if you’re thinking of reading this, but it’s also a very important read. If you have friends or family members who have ever expressed thoughts that girls like Vanessa are “asking for it” or that they are anything other than victims of sexual abuse then you need to give them this book to read.

Russell’s writing is outstanding. She builds the story slowly using flashbacks to show what happened between Vanessa and Strane in the past alongside the present day situation. The first person narrative is used brilliantly here as the reader is fully immersed into Vanessa’s life. It’s easy for people to sit and judge when victims make accusations years after the incident but these men know how to get away with it. They know exactly which people to target and what to do to make sure they won’t tell anyone.

When Strane starts his abuse of Vanessa she is completely alone. She’s a student at a boarding school, away from her family and she has fallen out with her former room mate so is in a room on her own. He is slow and careful with his grooming of her and works on her mentally as well as physically so that she truly believes that what she experienced was a real, loving relationship and not abuse. We see how Vanessa is let down by the very people who are supposed to protect her, the school being more concerned with protecting its own image and reputation than finding out the truth.

There were moments when I was practically shouting at my Kindle because it was making me so angry to see what was happening to Vanessa. Russell’s writing is so realistic and that coupled with the first person narrative makes for an extremely impactful book. The conversation between Vanessa and Taylor, another of Strane’s victims, highlighted the differences between how people deal with abuse and cope with recovery and it made me so sad for both of them.

The use of “Lolita” by Strane in his grooming of Vanessa has intrigued me. I know the reputation of the book so the fact I hadn’t read it didn’t take anything away from the story but I do feel I’m going to have to get to it at some point.

I think this is going to be one of those books that I keep thinking about long after it’s over. My only complaint would be that sometimes the switch between past and present was very abrupt and it would take me a few lines to realise it had changed.

Vanessa is a 15 year old girl in a relationship with her 45 year old teacher, the love of her life or so she naively believes. The novel moves back and forward it time as Vanessa tells her story and comes to terms with what happened to her at the hands of this man who ultimately is an abuser of young girls. A difficult and uncomfortable read which leaves you with nothing but sympathy for the protagonist as she struggles to see past the story her abuser has sold her. Beautifully written the characters are complex and engaging and will stay with you long after you finish this book.

2000. Bright, ambitious, and yearning for adulthood, fifteen-year-old Vanessa Wye becomes entangled in an affair with Jacob Strane, her magnetic and guileful forty-two-year-old English teacher. 

2017. Amid the rising wave of allegations against powerful men, a reckoning is coming due. Strane has been accused of sexual abuse by a former student, who reaches out to Vanessa, and now Vanessa suddenly finds herself facing an impossible choice: remain silent, firm in the belief that her teenage self willingly engaged in this relationship, or redefine herself and the events of her past. 

My Dark Vanessa is a horrific read, as it explores the protagonist's teen life being groomed and subsequent decades of psychological manipulation. Scrutinised years later through the lens of the #MeToo movement, it's a challenging but compulsive read. Books get called timely a lot but here it feels most relevant: the present day is putting a renewed focus on historic abuse, and Russell's exploration of the complex emotions, reactions and understanding surrounding what happened to Vanessa is exceptional and a must (albeit difficult) read

Incredible... I absolutely adored this book. One of my top reads of 2019, if not ever.

5 Stars *****

Can understand the hype of this book and thought it was a very interesting and informative read. Just not for me sorry. Found myself getting a little bored. Need a little more action

My book of 2019. It is everything - passionate, confusing, dramatic, breathtaking and so real for a million uncomfortable reasons. It should be - must be - read, and, if not enjoyed then consumed and digested and on your mind. Because this happens, has happened, no doubt always will happen, and perceptions are changing.

I will read again and again.

This book was dark as a women tries to defend having sex with her teacher at 15 only to realise it might not have been love at all and it might have actually been abuse.
This hits home for me and it was nice to read someone else going through it and how the coped with things that happened

Fifteen year old Vanessa Wye is in a relationship with her 45-year old teacher, Jacob Strane.
This disturbing but gripping and accomplished novel moves back and forth in time, documenting that relationship and it’s lasting aftermath over a number of years.
Is Vanessa a Lolita to Strane’s Humbert? Is she a victim? And what will she do when she’s asked to speak out against him as a act of selflessness?
This novel is complex and explores the nature of the relationship between perpetrator and victim. But that does make it a tough and often uncomfortable and graphic read.
Not one for the faint-hearted, but beautifully imagined and written, rewarding and thoroughly enjoyable. Recommended.

spoiler alert ** Possibly one of the most uncomfortable books I've read,but in a good way.
There is nothing but sympathy for Vanessa,who really has convinced herself that her affair with a teacher at the age of 15 was wanted,that it wasn't abuse,she isn't a victim.
But the part when she describes having sex for first time puts all this nonsense aside,even if she was emotionally mature enough to consent,she clearly hadn't.
Strange comes across as a master manipulator who has basically ruined her life,as 17 years on she still clings to him and hasn't moved on much with her life.
This is going to be one of the talked about books of next year I think.

Really enjoyed this novel with well developed characters and a fascinating storyline that make this a must read. Highly recommended.

Gosh. This is a debut? What an accomplished one, as Kate Russell takes the reader on a very difficult journey focusing on what happens to Vanessa Wye. The story starts when Vanessa is 32 and a hotel concierge in Portland, Maine when the story breaks via Facebook of Taylor Birch and Jacob Strane and the goes backwards and forwards in time as Vanessa tells her story with Jacob. When she was 15 she goes to Browick boarding school where she meets Strane who is her 45 year old English teacher, as he was later on for Taylor at the same school.

To say that Strane teaches differently is an understatement and his style certainly wouldn’t met the approval of parents. He swears, he can be harsh, abusive even but then he can be encouraging. Vanessa is very smart but lazy and unmotivated but with the help of Strane she shows a real talent for poetry and literature. Strane grooms Vanessa in a variety of ways , including literature especially Lolita by Nabokov which recurs throughout the book. He is creepy and predatory and he is able to so so because Vanessa is a loner, a misfit and he draws her in hook, line and sinker. This is not an easy read but as she becomes his ‘dark Vanessa’ what unravels is unbelievably sad, at times sickening and at others deeply moving.

There is so much in this book to praise. It is gripping and very well written. I love the literature references which binds the two of them together. You despair at the control and manipulation that Strane experts over Vanessa as other revelations about him emerge. He frightens her to shut her up. The descriptions of their ‘relationship’ are very powerful as her body goes somewhere her mind doesn’t want to. There are some devastatingly insightful sentences about her and him and how he has to be old for her to feel young and beautiful. He ruins her and her life stalls as she is unable to have a normal relationship, which is so sad.

Overall, this book looks at Me Too slightly differently as Vanessa does not and will not, see that Strane abuses her as he does others claiming that he love her but that’s how she survives and it also shows how victims can become stuck in time. Highly recommended.

I received this copy from Netgalley in exchange of an honest review and I thank you, 4th Estate and William Collins for accepting my request for this amazing book.

My dark Vanessa is an intense, heartbreaking and important book. It tells the story of Vanessa, a young woman who was abused by her English teacher at fifteen years old and the aftermath of her rape and their relationship. The book is built in a peculiar way, swinging from 2001/2002, 2006 and 2017, between past and present, constructing the whole story. We get to know Vanessa as teenager, friendless and lonely in a boarding school, after losing her previous best friend and who finds herself attracted to and coerced by her new teacher, Jacob Strane into a sexual relationship.. Kate Elizabeth Russell wrote about this intense relationship between Vanessa and Strane that spanned years, decades, to the 2017, when a young woman accused Strane of abusing her, pushing and trying to get Vanessa involved. The involment of a journalist threaten to uncover the truth Vanessa is trying to deny and hide to herself.
The relationship between Vanessa and Strane is never romanticized and it's really complex, because Strane manipulated Vanessa for years, blaming, threating and harassing her, above all when he feared she could tell someone the truth about what happened. The book is astounding and delicate and it's clearly visible all the aftermath the abuse inflicted on Vanessa, who is in denial and almost until the end she refused to see herself as a victim of rape and to call the abuse rape. The allegations against Strane in 2017 pushed her to revisit her life and childhood, her relationships with her parents and friends, her loneliness, her depression, and seeing and talking with her terapist and to the young woman who accused Strane helped her see the abuse in a new way. During all her life, after the abuse, Vanessa is still attached to Strane, convincing herself to believe him, to consider all that as a love story, to having being loved and cherished. For years Vanessa talked and saw Strane, even after the boarding school, all the time him manipulating and using her, in a abusive and suffocating relationship. On point and hard to read her metaphors of being drowned and disconnected from her body, when he abused her.

"I just really need it to be a love story. You know? I really, really need it to be that."
"I know." she says.
"Because if it isn't a love story, then what is it?" [...] "It's my life." I say. "This has been my whole life"

It's heartbreaking and interesting reading about Vanessa's life and process to accept what happened to her and calling its true name, battling against her guilt and shame because she didn't tell about him, didn't stop him from hurting other girls. It's fascinating seeing how Vanessa and Taylor saw the abuse, the first denying it and fooling herself for years, listening to her rapist and refusing to denouncing him and the latter seeing right away the man for what is was and denouncing him to the school, two times. It was difficult for Vanessa, because all her life, for years, Strane became a part of herself, almost infecting her

"Ruby says it will take a while to truly changed, that I need to give myself a chance to see more of the world without him behind my eyes"

This book is really well written and I was heartbroken in so many parts, raging against Strane, wanting to shake Vanessa and so enraged when the school didn't believe her, didn't support Taylor, choosing not to pursue a true investigation, when in 2001 rumours about Strane and Vanessa circulated. It was incredibly frustrating reading about teachers and administration refusing to see the truth and to protect their students.
I will stop now my ranting, because I wanted to write and comment every pages, but I won't. I'll just say this book is a gem and it carries so many important message, like the relevance of therapy, of healing, of denouncing.
A solid 5 stars.

I thought My Dark Vanessa was excellent. It is about a difficult subject so it’s not a light read, but it’s extremely well done and I found it compelling and thought-provoking.

The book is narrated in the first person by Vanessa, now in her 30s, who at 15 was groomed and had a sexual relationship with a 45-year-old teacher, Jacob Strane. We see her life now as a lost, isolated soul in an unrewarding job who relies on drink and drugs to get through the evening and night, and in flashback through the beginning of Strane’s grooming, her response to it and the consequences later.

It sounds grim – and the subject matter certainly is – but it drew me in and held me spellbound for much of the time. I was half expecting a bandwagon-jumping #MeToo potboiler beating me over the head with obvious points, but I was completely wrong. This is a book with real intelligence, insight and both emotional and psychological depth. We see how Vanessa, who is socially isolated, a little awkward and unconfident, is utterly overwhelmed and thrilled by the attention and compliments of Strane, how for a long time she denies that there was anything untoward in their relationship and feels a strong loyalty toward him, even though his behaviour made my flesh creep. The complexity of her emotions is superbly portrayed as she argues, for example that “it wasn’t rape rape,” as are the emotional consequences, which are intelligently and compassionately depicted, while never evading the reality. Kate Elizabeth Russell avoids neat, simple conclusions and messages and manages to show how issues may appear simple to outsiders, whereas they are extremely complex to Vanessa.

It’s all done with great skill and excellent judgement; for example, Russell manages to make the sex explicit – as it needs to be – while never the remotest bit titillating, but quite the reverse. The prose is very readable, the whole thing is well structured and there is a welcome dash of hope which never resorts to easy sentimentality.

My Dark Vanessa is an important book which is also an engrossing read. I can recommend it very warmly indeed.

(My thanks to 4th Estate for an ARC via NetGalley.)

Dark, disturbing and startling, this is not for the faint hearted but should be read. It is highly relevant for these times. I saw a comparison to My absolute darling by Gabriel Tallent and both show in graphic detail how twisted adult corruption of a child is, how damaging and abusive.

“I’m going to ruin you “ that statement is enough for you to realise when you read this book that it’s going to be exceptional !!
It’s a very dark and disturbing novel just as the title suggests and not a read that in any way is going to be easy to read. This is a story of a 15 year old girl and the teacher that groomed her leading to an ongoing affair but in many ways this is so much more than just that. It’s a read that often made me very angry and also extremely sad as the main character of Vanessa struggles to come to terms with her feelings both as a young girl and later as a 32 year old woman and it makes for some pretty uncomfortable reading.
It’s an intense book, very graphic and moving as the author never holds back in her descriptions and as you are reading you find yourself pulled into a story that is impossible to put down. It’s totally shocking yet you just can’t stop reading it and the Kate Elizabeth Russell has done a magnificent job in making it very real making you question both your feelings and your judgment.
Powerful and compulsive I feel this will be a massive hit and it’s a book that really deserves all the accolades I am sure it will get, it deserves to be read because this is a story that is happening!!
My thanks to NetGalley and 4th Estate for giving me the chance to read the ARC of this amazing book in exchange for my honest opinion.

There have been many books in the wake of #metoo that have tackled issues of rape, abuse, consent and complicity but this is one of the most subtle as it explores its topic with depth and empathy. It can feel a little prurient when these books follow the protagonists into the bedroom, especially, but here these scenes feel necessary and important for the way in which they focalise Vanessa's oscillating feelings from desire to disgust, from a kind of narcissistic sense of power to the need for bodily alienation and mental escape.

It's important that this is Vanessa's story and it's no coincidence that textual mentions of Lavinia's struggle for speech in [book:Titus Andronicus|3510915] is connected to [book:Lolita|7604]'s emerging, if compromised, agency within that book and Vanessa's mind. What is most effective is the way that we witness Vanessa's own ambiguities about her story, first submerged, and then gradually coming to light. She internalises Slane's perspective to such an extent that her own internal narrative is one of a love story where she is worshipped, not abused; where she is powerful, not a victim; where she is special - not one of a number of under-age girls targeted and groomed by a serial predator.

It's this ability to penetrate beneath the skin of the characters that makes this such a powerful and insightful book. It avoids simplicities of 'lying girls' and even makes Slane both monstrous and pathetic, a man enthralled by his own fantasies even as he knows they're wrong.

Especially potent is the second half of the book where we see the long-term effects on Vanessa of her past - not just in her troubled relationships with other men, but in her lack of self-respect and the chaos of her domestic life.

This isn't (and shouldn't be) an easy read but it's an important one full of empathy, insight and understanding.

Gosh, what to say about this. Well, firstly I'd recommend it, but without words such as "ooh you'll love this" because the subject matter is so sensitive, and I'd just come over as a bit weird. It's very topical, following on from the #metoo campaign, and it's going to cause a lot of discussion. The love between a teenage girl and her middle aged teacher - is that love? And if so, on whose part? If not on the teacher's, then is he a manipulator, a paedophile? And if that relationship carries on into her twenties, how would you describe it then? It's uncomfortable reading at times, most obviously the sex scenes, but it raises so many questions, some tricky to answer.

Hard to read. Challenging. But extremely well written. Read this and he prepared to consider your thoughts and feelings.
I gave this 4/5 on goodreads.