A very thought provoking book. We written. Making you think about grooming and how the teenage mind perceives it. Very appropriate book in this current climate of historical abuse cases.
Many thanks to the publisher and Netgalley for the Arc in return for an honest review.
#mydarkvanessa #kateelizabethrussell #netgalley.

This a dark but also gripping. I did struggle with the details of abuse and grooming and the fact I have daughters, but it also opened my eyes and ears to what is more than likely to happen.
Would not recommend to those who have been through anything similar.
Thank you to Netgalley, Elizabeth Russell and 4th Estate for this ARC in exchange for an honest opinion

A very good portrait of how one thing can lead to another. Not always an easy or comfortable book to read, as it cuts deep, but perhaps that’s why it’s an important one to make time for.

Full Review: http://www.readingruby.co.uk/2020/03/my-dark-vanessa/

“It’s just my luck” He said. “That when I finally find a soulmate, she’s fifteen years old”.

My Dark Vanessa is stated to be an “era-defining novel” and I would have to agree. This story really opens up a discussion of some of the most complex issues our age is grappling with. It truly is “nuanced, uncomfortable, bold and powerful, and as riveting as it is disturbing”.

I have been hearing rave reviews about this one and it hasn’t even been released yet. I decided to pick it up, only having a brief idea of the synopsis. Oh, how I completely underestimated how dark this story was actually going to get.

“I want you to stop, I think. But I don’t say it out loud. I can’t talk, can’t see. Even if I force my eyes open, they won’t focus. My head is cotton, my mouth is gravel…A thought shoots through me. Is this rape? Is he raping me?”

My Dark Vanessa is an alarmingly realistic character study of a sexual abuser. Told from the perspective of our main character, Vanessa, groomed from the age of fifteen. The story skips between alternate timelines, analysing Vanessa and Strane’s ‘relationship’ across decades. ‘Relationship’ is a controversial term to use in this context, but this is truly the central conflict of this entire novel. Vanessa has been groomed since her youth and thus the lines between a consensual relationship and an abusive relationship are blurred for her.

“It wasn’t about how young I was, not for him. Above everything else, he loved my mind. He said I had a genius-level emotional intelligence and that I wrote like a prodigy, that he could talk to me, confide in me. Lurking deep within me, he said, was a dark romanticism, the same kind he saw within himself. No one had understood that dark part of him until I came along”.

This story also opens up many conversations which are necessary to have in the wake of the #metoo movement, and when discussing abuser privilege. Throughout this book, there are occasions where victims are not believed and where an abuser is not even questioned. At one point Vanessa even recounts:

“Did he really think he would ever go to prison, a Harvard-educated…white man?”

Also, while this is technically marketed as a thriller on goodreads, there is nothing thrilling. The writing is compulsive but the story is the reflective character study. There aren’t really plot-twists etc. That is not what this book is striving to do.

Overall, I think that everyone should read this book. It is uncomfortable, bold, graphic, horrifying…but it is also so very important. The story that this novel weaves is one of a very controversial abusive relationship. However, seeing this through the eyes of someone who does not classify themselves as a ‘victim’ and for someone who, through years of suffering this abuse, these lines are blurred. The main character finds herself questioning in this novel whether she was ever raped, whether she was a victim, whether her abuser was an abuser. This is such an important message, as to how victims (especially young, naive victims who suffer grooming for so long) can see their ‘relationship’ in a completely different light to an outsider. They can live in true denial. I honestly feel as though this could open up such a true, raw and honest conversation about abusers and victims and believing victims. Always believing victims.

“I have power. Power to make it happen. Power over him. I was an idiot for not realising this sooner”.

You will find yourself being uneasy throughout this one, it is graphic and uncomfortable. However, it is also a truly important story.

T/W: graphic sex scenes, rape, statutory rape, suicide, pedophilia.

Thank you to 4th Estate Books & Netgalley for a copy of this

My Dark Vanessa has attracted a lot of interest around the book community, and the likelihood is you’ve heard about it. It’s right that it’s received so much exposure as this is absolutely a book that should be read.

Telling the story of Vanessa, who at fifteen is groomed by her teacher and struggles to come to terms later in life that this was not in fact a love story, but sexual abuse and she is a victim . It’s one of the most uncomfortable books I’ve read, yet the writing is so utterly compelling that it is hard to look away.

My Dark Vanessa will certainly push your boundaries as a reader. As the mother of a fifteen year old, it horrified me. . It’s a difficult book to find the words to review. It’s excellent, but it’s also harrowing. The depths of Vanessa’s vulnerability are shattering and the anger and disgust it provokes are intense. This is a book that needs to be read. It will challenge you, unnerve you and will have you thinking about it long after you finish the last word

Breathtaking. Disturbing. Unputdownable.
These are just a few words that come to mind when I think about my experience reading My Dark Vanessa. Following two timelines, this tells the story of Vanessa - a fifteen-year old girl beginning a romantic and emotionally abusive relationship with her teacher at boarding school. The second timeline finds Vanessa at thirty, still in contact with her teacher Strane who is now facing heavy accusations about having taken advantage of multiple girls in his career as an English teacher.
This was absolutely harrowing to read - from the moments where Vanessa talks about not being abused because she wanted it, she wanted something to happen to later on realizing things she blocked out about their relationship, and how manipulative Strane was towards her, blaming her for his unnatural desires and letting her take the fall so he could stay a teacher with a pristine reputation, it all took my breath away. The glimpse of how deeply this "relationship" has affected Vanessa even in her older years is harrowing; every relationship, every interaction is shadowed and tainted by her feelings toward Strane.
This isn't a pretty book.
It's hard to read, even harder to stomach.
And yet, I feel like it's these types of narratives that are the most important to be read and talked about. I know for a fact that it changed the way I view moments in my past, the way men have manipulated friends of mine into thinking that they instigated situations just so they could walk away unscathed.
Hard to stomach it may be, but I would nevertheless recommend it. This is a story that needs to be told.

My Dark Vanessa is one of the most anticipated novels of the year.

It’s both compelling and horrific.

There is no question that Strane grooms Vanessa. She is a bright but lonely teenager at a boarding school. Isolated and vulnerable she is the perfect target for him. He flatters her and lends her literature that appeals to teenage sensibilities – Emily Dickinson, Sylvia Plath and Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita.

Vanessa’s feelings towards him are complex. Throughout his manipulation Strane reinforces the fact that it Vanessa who is making the choices. He asks permission to do everything sexual before it happens. While sometimes she is disgusted and has moments of clarity, she also believes this to be a loving relationship and is able to repress the parts of him and his treatment of her that she does not like. She finds Strane exciting and enjoys the illicit nature of the relationship. It allows a isolated and lonely girl to feel special. However, the devastating trauma of the abuse is evident in the impact it has had on Vanessa’s future relationships.

This book is so dark.

As a teacher myself I found the ease with which Strane is able to hide his abuse quite horrifying. Other teachers and students raise concerns that are so easily dismissed as teenage girl crushes. Vanessa is blamed and willing accepts responsibility to protect her abuser.

I felt the first half of the novel, that mainly focuses on Vanessa boarding school and the build up of the relationship with Strane was fast paced and compelling. I found myself both wanting someone to intervene and end the abuse at the same time as wanting to find out what happens next. There are points when it is even possible to sympathise with the repugnant Strane which shows the quality of the writing.

The second half of the novel is slower. Vanessa is stuck in a cycle of depression and drink. She is both self-pitying and angry. She maintains her “relationship” with Strane over the years and he manipulates her to the very end. She is unwilling to believe she is “just another girl” Strane abused over the years.

This not an easy book to read. It’s dark and disturbing. It’s a powerful look at the complexities between abusers and victims, rape and consent.

I would definitely recommend it but it may be triggering for anyone who has experienced abuse.

Thank you Netgalley for the advanced reader copy in return for an honest review.

This wasn’t an easy read, but that is not to say it isn’t good.

Vanessa is a complicated main character, I found myself never really liking her and at times wanting to throw my kindle across the room in frustration at some of her thoughts and actions. But this is where the writer shows that she truly understands what her main character is going through. Vanessa is conflicted, not thinking herself a victim when we the reader know that she definitely is, and this made a novel dealing with such a controversial subject matter so absolutely compelling.

Really well written, I enjoyed how the different timelines all interspersed to create the full story.

Thanks to netgalley for this copy in exchange for an honest review.

My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell
This is a very difficult story to read as you know from the outset the damage which this relationship between Strane and Vanessa will wreak in her life. We first meet Vanessa aged 11 at boarding school. She is a girl with few friends. Her one close friend has a boyfriend and now she is alone. Her mother tries to encourage her to make friends with other people as do her teachers. Taking their advice she decides to join a literary group. However there is only one other member of this group which is led by her 42 year old teacher.
The teacher begins to compliment her to tell her how special she is and she begins to seek him out. He uses the literature of the greats to beguile and seduce her. She is lonely and he pays her attention when no-one else does. This is a dangerous combination he is basically grooming her and inevitably the relationship becomes a sexual one. When Vanessa is 32 and seeing a therapist to help her to cope with her father’s death Strane is accused, by another pupil , of sexual abuse. Her story is posted all over Facebook and initially Vanessa defends her relationship with Strane.
Vanessa believes that she entered into a sexual relationship with him willingly and that in many ways she led the relationship. She believes that they had a very special relationship and indeed they are still in contact. Her relationship with Strane has been the most important in her whole life.
My reasons for not giving this book a 5 star rating would be that I felt it was overlong and some of the descriptions of sexual abuse I found too explicit and too emotionally challenging to read. Many thanks to Net Galley and the publishers for the opportunity to read this book in return for an honest review.

Vanessa is an ambitious and bright 15-year-old.
Jacob Strane is her 42-year-old English teacher.
But their relationship goes way beyond teacher-pupil boundaries.

The story, exploring the disturbing relationship between a naive teenager and her manipulative teacher, weaves between the present and the past and is told through Vanessa's eyes. We witness all that Vanessa goes through firsthand and learn how she perceives their relationship, and as she revaluates her experience we learn how it affected her future relationships and life in general.
This is a brilliantly written, dark, and compelling story that is unsettling and might be difficult for some to read.
That said, I found it very slow. It actually felt unnecessarily drawn out, and I think that it would have been better suited as a novella.
I conclude that this book simply wasn't for me, hence the rating.
However, it is a striking debut, and if you're not sensitive to the subject matter, you should definitely give it a go.

Disturbing, unsettling, dark, My Dark Vanessa focuses on the titular character who, in her view, had a loving relationship with her teacher from the age of 15.

Switching between timelines detailing the grooming and the abuse then the effect it has on Vanessa as an adult the reader follows as she realises, maybe everything wasn’t as she remembered.

I found this book well written but not an easy read due to the subject matter.

I'd seen this book on a couple of lists of "books to read in 2020", so had a look on NetGalley to see if it was available - and it was!

Here is the blurb:

"An era-defining novel about the relationship between a fifteen-year-old girl and her teacher
ALL HE DID WAS FALL IN LOVE WITH ME AND THE WORLD TURNED HIM INTO A MONSTER
Vanessa Wye was fifteen-years-old when she first had sex with her English teacher.
She is now thirty-two and in the storm of allegations against powerful men in 2017, the teacher, Jacob Strane, has just been accused of sexual abuse by another former student.
Vanessa is horrified by this news, because she is quite certain that the relationship she had with Strane wasn't abuse. It was love. She's sure of that.
Forced to rethink her past, to revisit everything that happened, Vanessa has to redefine the great love story of her life – her great sexual awakening – as rape. Now she must deal with the possibility that she might be a victim, and just one of many.
Nuanced, uncomfortable, bold and powerful, My Dark Vanessa goes straight to the heart of some of the most complex issues our age."

Firstly - this is not an easy read.  It's dark and disturbing and I could see would be a trigger for some people who've been in a similar situation.  That said - it is also a very good read.

It flicks between present day (when Vanessa is 32 and working a pretty dead end job in hospitality) and back when she was a teenager and first crossed paths with Strane.  As the reader you can totally see how Strane groomed and abused Vanessa - but in her eyes it was the love of her life.  It then follows her life through the intervening 17 years - and how her entire life is entwined with the abuse she suffered / her great love affair - depending who you are.

I think the fact Vanessa was a similar age to my eldest daughter made it all the more difficult to read - I could empathise with her parents - as well as with Vanessa herself.

Vanessa is just so totally blind to what is happening to her - and really feels that Strane is in love with her and caring for her and only doing what she wants - it's desperately sad.  You can see this affects her relationships with all of those around her - family, friends, men, future lecturers, colleagues.

When Strane is accused by another girl of abuse - Vanessa has to question what happened to her too - but still she sees it as a great romance, and that she was far more special to him than anyone else has ever been.  The grooming was exceptionally well done.....

Lots of famous literature is quoted, as Strane is an English teacher - in many instances where there is a similar type of relationship - like 'Lolita'.  I've never read this and wonder if there were more references that I would have understood if I had?  But it didn't detract from my understanding of the book.

In this era of #MeToo it does make you stop and think more about the older powerful man and the younger vulnerable woman keen to impress.  (Actually - one of the jurors in the recent Harvey Weinstein trial has reviewed this exact book on 'Goodreads' which made it to the press for the similarities with the legal case).

This is thought a provoking and well written book, and I was keen to find out what happened  - but it was not an easy read, and some of the sex scenes are quite graphic - although probably needed to be in the shocking context of the book.

Many thanks to the publishers and Net Galley for my advance review copy.

I found this book a compelling and addictive read. It really forces you to confront your feelings on consent, and it raises the issue of child protection when the child is old enough to act independently. Through Vanessa's memories, you read about the troubling ways she was groomed at a young age. Revisiting these as an adult she struggles to come to terms with the reality of her past and the reader accompanies her as she tries to navigate between the stark truth and what she believed was real love as a child. This book is a powerful exploration of manipulation and a haunting read.

The author does am excellent job showing the long-term effects of Vanessa's abuse - from the relationships she has with her family and the lack of friends she appears to have, to her education and career choices, her sexuality, and even how she sees and defines herself.

The novel educates the reader on an important topic - how a victim is able to fall for an abuser. Vanessa is a child who is coerced and taken advantage of simply because she's scouted as the lonely girl she is. Strane allows her to feel important, wanted, needed And has convinced her he's a good man. She's an exception and her soul is so "tempting" that he just can't stay away and does a "bad thing". The novel promotes an understanding of the individuals who may or may not come forward with their stories and why it may take so long.

The novel's length could have been a bit shorter. Some parts are repetitive and maybe even unnecessary to the plot or character development.

I would recommend the book. I think it has a lot of important things to say.

I haven't been as uncomfortable reading something in a long time; this is dark, very dark. It is also excellent. Really well written and totally convincing. The complicated feelings of a woman as she comes to terms (or doesn't) with the fact that the 'relationship' – that she considered to be consensual – with her teacher, was in fact grooming and rape. If she admits to herself that it wasn't consensual she also has to admit that she is a victim and accept the consequences of that.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for this e-copy in exchange for an honest review.

This is one of those books that's so uncomfortable you actually feel nauseous reading it. Detailing the relationship of a 45-year-old teacher and his 15-year-old student, MY DARK VANESSA is compelling, incisive and brutally honest. I expect this will be one of the most talked about books of 2020.

Many thanks to 4th Estate and Net Galley for an ARC of this book in exchange for a review.
This is a dark book, which of course the title does indicate, it’s a little disturbing and difficult to read in places, but as a reader I was drawn in to the story about 15 year old Vanessa and her English teacher, 42 year old Jacob Strane and their affair which continued until she was 21.
He tells her from the beginning “I am going to ruin you”.
Vanessa tells her story so vividly, she doesn’t see herself as a victim., she is grateful for his attention and love, but she definitely is a victim Her teacher lured her in to his web of darkness, stole her innocence. So many emotions while I was reading this book, anger towards Jacob Strane and the headmistress at the boarding school, he lured her in towards himself but the headmistress didn’t investigate enough when a concerned father reported his concerns.
Other girls come forward and accuse him but Vanessa refuses to believe them, she believes Jacob and herself belong together and that he only has eyes for her.
Even though it’s a disturbing read, I would recommend it and it is extremely well written, would be an excellent choice for a book club read as there is a lot of material for group discussion.

My Dark Vanessa was unlike anything I’ve read before. At times I literally felt sick to my stomach and so angry I could scream. I’ve never read a book that made me so uncomfortable.

Told from the point of view of Vanessa, a 15 year old girl, who “falls in love” with her 42 year old English teacher, we get a unique insight into her mind and how she doesn’t believe she was abused because they were in love. Despite that it’s also clear, through Vanessa’s narration, that she knew what was happening wasn’t right. She talks about having to believe it was a love story otherwise how could she cope. How he would ask a question but he wasn’t really asking.

My heart broke for her. She was a scared, young girl, away from home in a new boarding school and he (yes I despised him so much that I’m not even going to use his name) manipulated and abused her. There is no other way to look at it in my opinion and although Vanessa convinced herself that she wanted it and agreed to it, as the reader we know that’s not true.

“I’m nothing, no one, nowhere.”

How incredibly sad and lonely is that. It’s obvious, even before the abuse, Vanessa is depressed and vulnerable. Then he comes along and robs her of so much: her youth, her sexuality, her confidence, her trust. But still she doesn’t see herself as a victim. However when another former student accuses him of sexual abuse she is forced to relook at their relationship and consider if it was indeed rape and abuse.

As we alternate between various times in Vanessa’s life (15 years old, 22 years old, 32 years old) we see the physical, mental and emotional repercussions of her “love story”. The impact this has had on her whole life. We see how she was let down by so many people. People who should have done something, anything, to stop this abuse from continuing. People who knew something wasn’t right. Her teachers, her classmates, her mum! There were so many opportunities to stop him from continuing to sexually abuse these young girls but instead most people turned a blind eye or chose to believe it wasn’t happening. This all made me so angry!

But feeling so much emotion is testament to the author. The writing was powerful, compelling and engaging. The story disturbing and complex.

In a time where sexual assault and abuse are covered in the media on an almost daily basis, this story gives you an insight on what it’s like to be at the centre of the storm and how easy it is for men in positions of authority to abuse their power.

It’s not difficult to see why this book has generated so much attention and I’m sure that will only continue to grow once it’s released. One I recommend but please be aware this was a distressing read (trigger warnings for sexual abuse, rape, grooming, mental abuse)

4 stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Thank you to the NetGalley and the publisher (4th Estate and William Collins) for providing a copy. All opinions are my own and provided willingly

Dark and immersive. This book had me hooked early on. This is the dark and disturbing tale of the manipulation a bright and lonely young girl and the ramifications of has in the rest of her life.

A tale of love (undeserved, coerced, manipulated and terrifying) and loss (of innocence, potential and any real future).

I do feel this book lost it's way at the very end but maybe that is more a reflection on the main character and her own arc.

Wow, Incredibly powerful and very disturbing and heartbreaking. A gritty story exploring the world of grooming. I’d definitely recommend, it’s not an easy read but a very worthwhile one