You're Not Listening is a book in which author Kate Murphy explains how 'the right type' of communication can effect our lives in so many positive ways - from our relationships to our jobs. We all know this, but are we actually doing it correctly?

You must have heard 'Communication is key', and this book sets out to prove it is -- real communication that is, with proper eye-to-eye contact and listening skills that go beyond nodding your head whilst checking updates on your phone. Okay, I picked out the most obvious choice there, and to do this book any justice at all, I'll admit Murphy goes into so much more depth than this. It's not all about face-to-face interaction, either. Plus there is a huge amount of research involved that cross-references people from all walks of life. Having said that, it's not just a 'text book', and it will have you testing out what you've learned straight away.

This is an invaluable book for everyone - parents listening to their children, work situations, and friends. With better listening skills we can learn to spot and understand the whole conversation, and not just listen to what is being said through words. In addition to this, we're not just learning to be better listeners, but all round empathetic individuals with so much for to give -- without actually 'talking' as much!

This is a book everyone interesting in bettering their listening skills should read! The only reason I gave this a four star rating is because the review copy I received was practically illegible. I struggled to read it because the formatting was so bad, and although I am not meant to mention this is my review, I can't lie, this fact did spoil my reading enjoyment. However, overall, this fact will not bother you and I still recommend it.

This book highlights a skill that is not a given. As a trainee counsellor, I am learning to listen, and have realised that takes a lot of hard work, and an ability to be tuned into the here and now. The authir shines a light on loneliness, and really makes you understand why we all need to listen more, and be with the people in our lives. Communities are not made on line, even if connections may be, and we need that quality interaction in order to be a fulfilled self. An important book, and one to pay attention to.

Everyone needs to read this book! It is an enlightening read and I can already feel its positive influence in the interactions I have with others. I highly recommend!

How often do you listen to someone properly? I mean REALLY listen? You're Not Listening is a book in which author Kate Murphy explains how important listening to others is in terms of creating and maintaining a good connection with them. I frequently encounter people who talk, talk, talk at you but when it comes to your turn to speak they are distracted and itching to talk over you. This is an important, necessary and interesting read and shows us how and why listening properly can help us in virtually every part of our lives. Not only does she inform us how to become better listeners but she cites many fascinating cases to illustrate her points including priests taking confessionals, leaders of focus groups and CIA interrogators. It explains how to interpret what someone is saying in different situations and contexts - e.g. how to interpret conversation that happens over the internet, how to interpret a conversation that occurs over the phone and how to interpret face-to-face encounters as naturally each have different clues that point to how a sentence was meant to be interpreted.

Communication is one our most important and valuable skills and Murphy goes into depth about it and how it can impact our relationships. She discusses the science, physiology and neuroscience behind it all and how loneliness can impact mental health as well as polarising politics. I, furthermore, found the part about the internet, social media and text communication captivating. Of course, any of these methods of communication have the potential for misunderstanding but this is even more so with social media and conversation held at a distance etc as you don't have any of the non-verbal cues to help analyse what was actually meant. For example, what was supposed to come across in a lighthearted, jokey manner may be completely misconstrued. This is an accessible, thought-provoking and useful book and should really be required reading for everyone who wishes to become a better, more empathic and patient listener. There are plenty of tips you can put to use immediately to help aid in listening and comprehension. Highly recommended. Many thanks to Harvill Secker for an ARC.

For personal development this book will help to make you a better communicator/ listener / overall all round better person.
To really listen means you can be empathetic and understanding fully hearing the whole spoken conversation and non spoken conversation.

In business at work people talk about communication must get better I’ve been one of those my views have now changed listening must be better improved.
Given me a greater understanding of listening

This book is fascinating and important. It makes a compelling case that listening is what makes us better friends, partners, workers, parents - it makes us better humans. Real listening doesn't come easy to many of us but it is a skill that we can improve and hone if we put in the work. Listening requires an open mind and an open heart, patience and commitment. Kate Murphy cites a range of studies and talks to people with diverse backgrounds different and expertise, including people running focus groups and priests taking confessionals and presents what we can learn from them. I found myself highlighting many paragraphs. The chapter on the role of gossip particularly interesting and contradicted some of the arguments on the subject I had previously read about. As many previous reviewers have said, this book should be recommended reading for ... well, for everyone really. I highly recommend it.

This is an excellent book for anyone interested in the art of listening and who wants to improve their skills.

It goes in depth into communication and listening concepts and really explains it from different angles. It has certainly helped me to see how to be a better listener!

This has to be one of the most important skills we have as it has such a huge impact on all our relationships.

Highly recommended to all!

Thank you Random House and NetGalley.

When You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Why it Matters came up for review, I was immediately drawn to it. The idea of taking a journey through the art of listening from different people’s perspectives, and professionals trained to pay attention to what people are communicating to them, intrigued me.

These days, social media is a way to listen to the whole world, but so much is lost because it is not face-to-face and that lack of extra information results in all sorts of unpleasant misunderstandings. There is just nothing like having the person you are talking with right there in front of you.

But are you doing a proper job of connecting with them even then? I know there have been times where I just haven’t been able to do that effectively, especially with people I know well, because I’ve missed something vital in what the whole of them is trying to say to me.

There is also a professional reason why I thought You’re Not Listening would be useful. I am a writer and researcher. Writers rely on absorbing an assimilating what is going on around them. I certainly do. As a qualitative researcher I frequently conduct individual interviews, as well as focus groups, to develop a narrative of a person or group of people.

But just how much attention to I pay to what is being communicated to me? I thought this book would be an excellent way to refresh and hone this important part of writing practice and being able to see if there was a way I could ask questions more effectively in my research?

Kate Murphy has certainly taken an impressive cross-section of society and professionals to consider what it is to really listen to what someone is saying, particularly thinking about non-verbal communication in conjunction with what can be heard. This broad spectrum of individuals provides an insight into the unique ways different people communicate and really made me think more deeply not only about what I might glean from someone, or a group of people, as a writer and researcher, but also as one human being connecting to another.

Was I really listening? As I began to read the book, I recognised some things I was already doing, which was reassuring. But there were also things that I needed to tweak with my interpersonal skills. I began to apply the concepts while I was working through the fluid and very interesting read. They certainly made a difference.

You’re Not Listening is a book that is well worth reading with regards to communication on a personal level. Through it you learn not only to take in what you hear (useful for those meaningful phone calls), but also the whole panoply of visual clues on a face-to-face encounter.

This is definitely a book that should be recommended to everyone, especially parents, teachers and other learning professionals. However Murphy makes the valid point that pretty much every job these days requires a high level of communication - the amount of time people spend dealing with other people in their jobs has increased. This is in line with workplace changes such as open plan offices and generally increased collaboration being encouraged.

I have identified times when I have been a bad listener, at work and in my personal life - either because I'm bored or distracted by technology or general worries. This book offers a really in-depth analysis of listening, from the neuroscience and physiology, to how listening affects relationships and society at large. It tackles subjects such as the current political divisions and the impact of loneliness on people's mental health.

Overall I found this a really interesting and useful book - especially the chapter around your inner voice and why it can sometimes be cruel. This is something I struggle with and this book has encouraged me to listen to it more and be kinder to myself.

The only reason for giving this book a 4 star rating was it is very focused on the American landscape and culture, and this was felt strongly in some of the references Murphy made.