Thanks to Dialogue Books and NetGalley for the review copy.

This book was a Brilliantly written book. I finished this in one sitting. You Exist Too Much is ultimately about love. The intoxicating nature of love and the kind of wreck it creates in its path is the theme of this own voices book. It’s my first book with a Palestinian own voices book. The portrayal of sexuality and its raw essence is brilliant. Will definitely recommend this.

I kept seeing this book and it was really the LGBTQ theme that drew me. I am so pleased to have read it- it comments on identity (not just in terms of sexuality) with care and sensitivity and also moves effortlessly through various timeframes (some books try and fail to do this). Where stories include themes of addiction they sometimes frustrate me but this book dealt with those themes brilliantly. I loved that the character wasn’t a white, middle class clone (too many recent books have featured the same or too similar a protagonist). I also really enjoyed that the main characters bisexuality, while central in some ways, wasn’t shoehorned in and never felt forced. I saw that the writer had written for various publications (in her bio) and I want to read her back catalogue when possible. This is in my top 3 books of 2020.

You Exist Too Much takes us in a journey alongside a Palestinian-American girl through all the stages of discovering herself and how love (in all ways) can affect the life of any person.

It is hard to try to describe how much I liked it. Though I didn’t hook up to the book from the very beginning, it slowly made me want to keep reading until I got to the end. This young woman struggles a lot with love, as it is shown in the story. She went through some hard moments that were decisive in her life, that led her to have some toxicity in her relationships - even with her family.

There were moments in which you could feel how she started to sabotage herself, making you wonder and question about her choices and actions. Afterwards, when it settles in you, you may -or may not- feel like you have done questionable things like what she’s done. I could not help but relate to her a lot.

The topics of sexuality and identity are also included as well as mental health. It was a refreshing reading, which helped me to understand some more of these subjects and about myself, though I can’t yet feel prepared to give my opinions on them.

Something I did not like that much was those changes of time and place which sometimes were kind of abrupt and made me go back and forth to understand what was happening.

That being said, I am really eager on reading more from Zaina Arafat and on these topics as well. There’s no doubt I will recommend it to anyone willing to read OV’s books.

Thanks to Dialogue Books - Little, Brown Book Group UK and NetGalley for an advanced copy of the book in exchange of an honest review.

I enjoyed this book. I gave it 3 stars as I felt that the store lacked a drive at some points and it didn’t really make me desperate to keep picking it up. I enjoyed the writing style of this book

I don’t know why this took me so long to read, because as soon as I started it I was instantly captivated and read it in 2 days.

You Exist too Much follows our bisexual, unnamed narrator from New York to Palestine, to the Midwest and back. It’s a story of the struggle of mother-daughter relationship, the difference between love and sex, mental illness, sexuality and tradition, making mistakes and making amends.

I absolutely adored the way this story develops, jumping between time periods and places and relationships. Our narrator is both deeply relatable and horribly flawed. Sometimes you find yourself almost shouting “no! Don’t do that!” as she self-sabotages over and over.

This was one of those books I never wanted to end. I love being in the narrator’s head, her challenges and successes, rooting for her but dreading her decisions.

I loved being part of this journey and in this narrator’s head. I was very sad to leave her when it was over.

Narrated by an unnamed Palestinian-American woman, You Exist Too Much beautifully captures the isolation and confusion of a life caught between two cultures and not quite feeling like you fit in to either. From memories of her childhood we see the narrator spend childhood summers in the Middle East, homesick for America, only to return and long for her grandmother’s house in Jordan.
Sometimes this clash of cultures can be humorous – the narrator’s father wakes her for school in the morning by singing:
“Ya madrassa, ya madrassa,” which means “School, O school” in Arabic, or, depending on which dictionary you consult, “terrorist training camp.”
Sometimes the gulf between cultures is more painful – she is called ‘the terrorist’ at school and is glad to have a nickname. It is only looking back in adulthood that she realises how insidious and othering such a thing can be: today we would likely call it a microaggression. She often feels annoyed by the lack of understanding demonstrated by most Americans and yet admits to her own ‘lack of political and cultural knowledge’.
“The fact that I grew up outside the Middle East doesn’t make feel less Arab … Yet it’s the idiosyncrasies of culture that keep me an outsider, and leave me with a persistent and pervasive sense of otherness, of non-belonging"
This sense of existing between cultures is exacerbated by her attraction to women, and the complicated relationship she has with her family. The narrator’s emotionally absent father and charming, popular, abusive mother leave their mark, and she trips from one relationship to another, desperately seeking the love and approval that is withheld by her mother.
The narrator’s romantic relationships tend towards shallow and self-destructive, and she repeatedly obsesses over unavailable women (the nutritionist at her eating disorder centre, a married acquaintance of her mother, the professor leading her French classes…). Her mother’s complete rejection of her sexuality (she is ‘a burden’), and continual put-downs (‘you exist too much’), certainly don’t help - much of the book is told from a group therapy retreat after she has sabotaged a four-year relationship. Despite how this may sound, the book is not simply a laundry list of misery and oppression: the narration is dry and sparsely yet beautifully written as she and veers between over-dramatic spirals of self-sabotage and clear analysis of her own feelings (and failings) and the tone is judged well enough to make the book eminently readable. I enjoyed it!

This is a book that throws a fascinating spotlight on aspects of many issues - broken family relationships, national and sexual identity, addiction and self-abuse.

The author navigates this crowded field with grace and eloquence, telling the story of a Palestinian-American woman as she lives her life between countries, jobs and relationships.

Zaina Arafat tells a compelling story and although the characters may not always be likeable they are well-drawn and have a valuable role in the overall story. The book made me think about many areas that are unfamiliar to me, while making the whole thing very relatable.

An intoxicating insight in to the thoughts and motivations behind a young woman struggling with others' expectations and her own desires.
There were times where the plot lost me, I couldn't see the connection between her intentions and her actions and though I imagine that was the point, it did rather lose my concentration and connection to the story
However, I am an outsider looking in on the struggles and experiences of this protagonist, these are far from my own and yet it felt an important perspective to be written.

A great insight into another culture and the life of a young woman, it is a book to be read by all. How we identify ourselves through not only our gender but culture and religion.

You Exist Too Much told in the first person by an unnamed narrator is an exploration of through the prism of formative experiences in the Middle East and in particualr how her relatonship with her mother, Laila impacts on settling on her own place in the world.
The title comes from one of Laila's admonishments and a strand of the narrative is an exploration of how that relationship impacts on her romantic relationships, mental wellness and self-esteem.
After a break-up and accompanying crises, the story moves us from ber opping DJ gigs to a self-referral to a residential recovery centre, The Ledge where the narrator is admitted as a Love addict. The therapy sessions she attends provide a framework to flashback to previous experiences echoing her previous in-patient experience as a teenager suffering with anorexia nervosa.
The structure of the mid-section becomes a little repetitive, hopping between past and present quite rapidly at times, and while each anecdote offers insight there is also a lot of information we have heard before or could have concluded without being told.
The style is immediate and engaging, and its themes Mental health, sexual orientation and the ways these impact on personality make You Exist Too Much an excellent title for reading groups,

Zaina Arafat’s writing style is gorgeous, and every sentence is like wandering through a fresh-smelling garden. The plot is also meandering and explores the relationship the main character has with herself. Her journey with her sexual, national, and familial identities is fresh yet relatable.
The only thing I disliked about this book, was the setting in the rehab facility, which has nothing to do with the quality of the writing or the story – just a setting I have never enjoyed. This is the perfect read for those of us who are “too much.”

A character study of cross-cultural and bisexual identity.

The former-anorexic, Palestinian-American female protagonist engages in a series of obsessive, destructive relationships before seeking therapy for love addiction. As we flit back and forth to her childhood, and between therapy centre and her more recent past, the relationship with her mother emerges as fraught with contrasting abuse and the urge to please.

Arafat's writing is spare and sexy, and she transitions between present, the recent past and more distant past with ease.

My thanks to NetGalley and the Little, Brown Book Group UK, for the ARC.

You exist too much follow the life of queer Palestinian-American woman who is battling to love herself and therefore love others. We follow her life from when she is a DJ about to start Post-Grad and review why she is how she is through flashbacks to pivotal moments.

Written from the protagonists POV, I really enjoyed how I went from not liking her to understanding her and even rooting for her, as her layers were peeled back with each new memory. It felt like how one gets to know a person in real life.

As a Third Culture Kid myself, her struggles to fit in culturally resonated with me, especially because Zaina did not make that the focal point of the story because that never really is in real life, it's usually a backstory that silently influences your decisions and reactions.

This is an easy and enjoyable read, but I did find that there were times when I would forget I was reading it. I can't quite pin what was holding me back and so I have rated it 4 stars.

Content warnings for this book: Eating Disorder, Rehab, Verbal abuse from parent to child, Infidelity and drug abuse.

This is the second book I've read recently that has an unnamed protagonist (the other being Pizza Girl), and I actually really like the concept. The character is a bisexual Palestinian-American with a complicated relationship with her mother, who is very traditional and strict.

We follow the protagonist through various timeframes - from when she was young to now as an adult. She attends a clinic to get over a love addiction having had a rather turbulent romantic past where she becomes obsessed with unattainable love interests.

The book is really good at showing the affects of parenting and childhood on who a person becomes in adulthood. The character's relationship with her mother is a complex one, and this mirrors in her romantic relationships.

I wish the book had less cheating, especially because the main character is bisexual which doesn't get enough positive representation as it is. But it's diversity is great and I really enjoyed reading about a culture we see little of in literature.

A sincere thank you to the publisher, author and Netgalley for providing me with an ebook copy of this book in exchange for a fair and honest review.

This is not my usual genre,  however I wanted to take the opportunity to read something from outside my norm. And I am glad I did!! Thank you for  opening up my mind to something totally different. Characters were so well developed that I felt as though I knew them. I love when a book draws you into the story and it feels like you are living it with them.

There are several reasons why I decided to read this book and one of them is its title! When I came across this book and read the title—not to exaggerate, but—it literally pierced through my heart and then, the contents this book focuses on. I have read many different genres and I still believe that there are still many that I am yet to explore, but reading a book about queerness was something I have never read before. When I started this book, I was in doubt if all I am going to read is those cheesy and clingy things about love and romance—which I always prefer to avoid—but to my surprise, it was much more than that and just too sensitive about many things. To put it in simple words, I had never seen a world through a person's eyes who is struggling to find his/her sexuality and trying to make a place in the world. Zaina Arafat's 'You Exist Too Much' helped me to understand those raw realities about queerness and gave me a considerable point of view.
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'You Exist Too Much' is a phenomenal novel about an Arab bisexual protagonist who comes from a very conservative background of a Middle East family. A protagonist who is still exploring her sexual preference and somewhere between that she becomes a love addict. The big part of this book is about her series of tumultuous relationships with men and women, her flicks, and bonds with people. She tries her best but her relationships with women always fail her and make her even more miserable to herself.
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Throughout the book, the story moves between her past in the Middle East to her present life in America and sometimes in other countries. Her mother played a very vital part in how the protagonist sees the world and I also consider it the reason behind her being insecure and uncertain about all women she gets in a relationship with. Zaina Arafat's work as an author is brilliant and that can be understood only after realizing to what extent she made her protagonist so sensitive and makes the reader glued to her story.
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There wasn't a part that I felt was unnecessary and not a single flaw that I identified. Since the story starts, it progresses candidly and puts the readers in situations where even they question what the protagonist wants and where exactly she belongs. It's all about the ups and downs she faces in her life and finding answers in all the unexpected places. The good part about this book is it's happily ever after ending where even her mother accepts her sexuality and the protagonist confesses her relationship with a woman–Anouk.
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I will highly recommend this sensational book if someone wants to explore something new and sensitive, Zaina Arafat presented the rawest realities that queer people face. This book is about courage and standing strong for what one wants even if that means the roads of life might be blocked with nothing but chaos and uncertainty. It's about the hope that one should never lose and spirit that one should always stick to when it comes to finding a place where they belong. It's about cultural biases and beliefs and the protagonist's way of understanding the reason for her existence. Pick this book to experience various emotions as the protagonist's story moves; it will make you feel sad, concerned, worried, anxious, sometimes happy and sometimes its depressing setting would make you feel helpless to do anything for the protagonist. Last but not the least, read it for the author's efforts to make it so appealing and bringing something this enlightening to our knowledge!

Another debut novel, You Exist Too Much strings together a set of beautifully-drawn vignettes like pearls lit from within, slowly connecting the motivations of a young woman feeling stuck between expectation, reality, religious and societal convention and choosing to follow her own path – or as the book’s epigram from Kierkegaard neatly sums up: “pleasure disappoints, possibility never.” Leaping from past to present, from the Middle East to the US, the chapters weave together the strands of the protagonist’s dreams and desires into an exquisitely written and provocative whole. After moving into an apartment with her first serious girlfriend and faced with the prospect of domesticity, the narrator seemingly subconsciously and deliberately implodes the relationship by seeking and having affairs with others, often totally unobtainable individuals. Admitting and facing up to the destructive tendencies rooted deep within her, she seeks help at The Ledge, an unconventional therapy centre where she’s diagnosed with an addiction to love and forced to undergo numerous sessions with other addicts, all hunting their own resolutions. How can you find somewhere to call home when you float between worlds? Can the love given by another individual ever fill the void of not truly loving yourself? Though the book is painful in places it’s also perfectly paced, leading the reader slowly through realisations just like a brilliant therapist would: and as with Pandora’s box, there’s hope at the end. An impressive debut that’s well worth your time, and makes Zaina Arafat definitely one to watch

Cambridge Edition Book Club 'Autumn Reads' October 2020 (link to follow)

Zaina Arafat’s ‘You Exist Too Much’ wasn’t what I expected. There have been moments in the book which I really liked, and others that I haven’t enjoyed as much.

‘You Exist Too Much’ follows Palestinian-American queer woman on a journey of self-discovery. The book interchanges present moments with the recollections of events that has already happened, which explains the main character’s history, attitude and problems. Our protagonist as well as other characters in Zaina Arafat’s book are flawed and lost. While it makes them more realistic, it also heightens tension in the book as well as incredibly uncomfortable moments in life.

Our protagonist, who narrates the whole story, has been dealing with incredibly heavy problems – from eating disorder, love addiction to overall desire to belong somewhere and winning her mother’s approval. There have been really interesting moments of tensions between her (double) identity, and desire to please others as well herself. Those were the moments I really liked in ‘You Exist Too Much’. At moments, they have highlighted the cultural tension and politics, that while not at the forefront of the book, played a role in the background of ‘You Exist Too Much’.

While I have overall mixed feelings about the whole book, I have enjoyed the author’s voice a lot at moments, and I’m looking forward to more of their works.

‘You exist too much’ reads like a memoir and has all the emotional upheaval that comes with life, love and loss. Zaina Arafat is a fresh and authentic voice who tells the story of a young woman who lives in multiple worlds in order to keep all of the people in her life separate. The heartache she faces everyday knowing that her sexuality will never be accepted by the family and their traditional attitudes leaves her with problems of commitment and eternal guilt.
I didn’t know what to make of the main character in this book because I felt as an outsider she was self- sabotaging her relationships for no good reason but as her story went on I could see how her past had made her question everything about her present and future. The whole tone of this book is raw and unapologetically honest and I grew to love that by the end. Arafat ties in her own heritage with the importance of cultural and religious identity which although I don’t share I can see the universality that everyone is just trying to find their place in the world and that can be a lonely journey if we only tie ourselves to other people’s ideals and happiness.
A completely unique and heart wrenching read.

This was such an interesting exploration of love, relationships, addiction, trauma, and so many more things. It was a, to me at least, unique perspective, and it was so well written. Zaina Arafat captured me from the beginning, but unfortunately I felt like the middle was a little bit slow for me. This is an incredibly difficult book, and I cannot imagine it was easy to write - I'm glad it was. I'm really glad I got to read it, and I would not hesitate to pick up another book from Arafat. The only thing that genuinely bothered me was that it felt like the protagonists' mother was supposed to be forgiven in the end, which I personally don't agree with. However, it could also just be seen as reason but not excuses.