This novel is about a Palestinian-American, unnamed, bisexual, female protagonist who suffers with a “love addiction”. She is on constant self-destruct mode, completely obsessive and is broken. She checks herself into a therapy centre to tackle her demons. Any chance of happiness that comes her way, she shatters it. She is on a quest to heal.

When I read the first section, I felt that this was going to be an excellent read and was immediately grabbed. The themes explored by Arafat are intriguing such as dual-citizenship, generational identity gaps, addiction, mental health, sexuality and healing.

However, I found myself drifting from time-to-time. I also found the mother-daughter relationship/protagonist’s childhood a little underdeveloped. Reading from the beginning, I would have thought it was to be one of the biggest elements to this book. It seemed to linger in the background of the protagonist’s love life. The narrative jump from past to present was also quite unexpected at times.

Back to another positive point. I went from not liking the main character much at the very beginning to wanting her to find happiness and some self-worth. It made me sad seeing her self-destruct and reading about her journey in the therapy centre had me rooting for her. While I wasn’t completely hooked, I do think this book is important and Arafat does an overall good job with it. A journey from brokenness, to self-discovery and, ultimately, a conquest for wholeness.

If I could do half star ratings I would rate it a 3.5. Thank you to Netgalley and Little Brown Book UK, Dialogue Books for this ARC.

You Exist Too Much

At first I thought this was a really interesting book. I love the elements of it: Palestinian-American, queer woman finding her way through culture clash and love addiction. But at 40% I found myself struggling with her voice, with the repetition of her addictive behaviours. I didn’t like the way mental health and addiction were shown. I think it contained harmful stereotypes and terrible representation of bisexuality.
I wanted to finish this but it was just annoying me too much. Sorry.

Thanks to Dialogue Books and NetGalley for the review copy.

This book was a Brilliantly written book. I finished this in one sitting. You Exist Too Much is ultimately about love. The intoxicating nature of love and the kind of wreck it creates in its path is the theme of this own voices book. It’s my first book with a Palestinian own voices book. The portrayal of sexuality and its raw essence is brilliant. Will definitely recommend this.

I kept seeing this book and it was really the LGBTQ theme that drew me. I am so pleased to have read it- it comments on identity (not just in terms of sexuality) with care and sensitivity and also moves effortlessly through various timeframes (some books try and fail to do this). Where stories include themes of addiction they sometimes frustrate me but this book dealt with those themes brilliantly. I loved that the character wasn’t a white, middle class clone (too many recent books have featured the same or too similar a protagonist). I also really enjoyed that the main characters bisexuality, while central in some ways, wasn’t shoehorned in and never felt forced. I saw that the writer had written for various publications (in her bio) and I want to read her back catalogue when possible. This is in my top 3 books of 2020.

You Exist Too Much takes us in a journey alongside a Palestinian-American girl through all the stages of discovering herself and how love (in all ways) can affect the life of any person.

It is hard to try to describe how much I liked it. Though I didn’t hook up to the book from the very beginning, it slowly made me want to keep reading until I got to the end. This young woman struggles a lot with love, as it is shown in the story. She went through some hard moments that were decisive in her life, that led her to have some toxicity in her relationships - even with her family.

There were moments in which you could feel how she started to sabotage herself, making you wonder and question about her choices and actions. Afterwards, when it settles in you, you may -or may not- feel like you have done questionable things like what she’s done. I could not help but relate to her a lot.

The topics of sexuality and identity are also included as well as mental health. It was a refreshing reading, which helped me to understand some more of these subjects and about myself, though I can’t yet feel prepared to give my opinions on them.

Something I did not like that much was those changes of time and place which sometimes were kind of abrupt and made me go back and forth to understand what was happening.

That being said, I am really eager on reading more from Zaina Arafat and on these topics as well. There’s no doubt I will recommend it to anyone willing to read OV’s books.

Thanks to Dialogue Books - Little, Brown Book Group UK and NetGalley for an advanced copy of the book in exchange of an honest review.

I enjoyed this book. I gave it 3 stars as I felt that the store lacked a drive at some points and it didn’t really make me desperate to keep picking it up. I enjoyed the writing style of this book

I don’t know why this took me so long to read, because as soon as I started it I was instantly captivated and read it in 2 days.

You Exist too Much follows our bisexual, unnamed narrator from New York to Palestine, to the Midwest and back. It’s a story of the struggle of mother-daughter relationship, the difference between love and sex, mental illness, sexuality and tradition, making mistakes and making amends.

I absolutely adored the way this story develops, jumping between time periods and places and relationships. Our narrator is both deeply relatable and horribly flawed. Sometimes you find yourself almost shouting “no! Don’t do that!” as she self-sabotages over and over.

This was one of those books I never wanted to end. I love being in the narrator’s head, her challenges and successes, rooting for her but dreading her decisions.

I loved being part of this journey and in this narrator’s head. I was very sad to leave her when it was over.

Narrated by an unnamed Palestinian-American woman, You Exist Too Much beautifully captures the isolation and confusion of a life caught between two cultures and not quite feeling like you fit in to either. From memories of her childhood we see the narrator spend childhood summers in the Middle East, homesick for America, only to return and long for her grandmother’s house in Jordan.
Sometimes this clash of cultures can be humorous – the narrator’s father wakes her for school in the morning by singing:
“Ya madrassa, ya madrassa,” which means “School, O school” in Arabic, or, depending on which dictionary you consult, “terrorist training camp.”
Sometimes the gulf between cultures is more painful – she is called ‘the terrorist’ at school and is glad to have a nickname. It is only looking back in adulthood that she realises how insidious and othering such a thing can be: today we would likely call it a microaggression. She often feels annoyed by the lack of understanding demonstrated by most Americans and yet admits to her own ‘lack of political and cultural knowledge’.
“The fact that I grew up outside the Middle East doesn’t make feel less Arab … Yet it’s the idiosyncrasies of culture that keep me an outsider, and leave me with a persistent and pervasive sense of otherness, of non-belonging"
This sense of existing between cultures is exacerbated by her attraction to women, and the complicated relationship she has with her family. The narrator’s emotionally absent father and charming, popular, abusive mother leave their mark, and she trips from one relationship to another, desperately seeking the love and approval that is withheld by her mother.
The narrator’s romantic relationships tend towards shallow and self-destructive, and she repeatedly obsesses over unavailable women (the nutritionist at her eating disorder centre, a married acquaintance of her mother, the professor leading her French classes…). Her mother’s complete rejection of her sexuality (she is ‘a burden’), and continual put-downs (‘you exist too much’), certainly don’t help - much of the book is told from a group therapy retreat after she has sabotaged a four-year relationship. Despite how this may sound, the book is not simply a laundry list of misery and oppression: the narration is dry and sparsely yet beautifully written as she and veers between over-dramatic spirals of self-sabotage and clear analysis of her own feelings (and failings) and the tone is judged well enough to make the book eminently readable. I enjoyed it!

This is a book that throws a fascinating spotlight on aspects of many issues - broken family relationships, national and sexual identity, addiction and self-abuse.

The author navigates this crowded field with grace and eloquence, telling the story of a Palestinian-American woman as she lives her life between countries, jobs and relationships.

Zaina Arafat tells a compelling story and although the characters may not always be likeable they are well-drawn and have a valuable role in the overall story. The book made me think about many areas that are unfamiliar to me, while making the whole thing very relatable.

An intoxicating insight in to the thoughts and motivations behind a young woman struggling with others' expectations and her own desires.
There were times where the plot lost me, I couldn't see the connection between her intentions and her actions and though I imagine that was the point, it did rather lose my concentration and connection to the story
However, I am an outsider looking in on the struggles and experiences of this protagonist, these are far from my own and yet it felt an important perspective to be written.

You Exist too much as the book title suggests. It's a story about love addiction and how a Palestinian American woman deals with it. If you like books on this plot. Then you must read it.

A great insight into another culture and the life of a young woman, it is a book to be read by all. How we identify ourselves through not only our gender but culture and religion.

First of all, I would like to mention that I am not familiar with this particular genre as I’ve never explored it. But lately I’ve been seeing a lot of Palestinian book reviews across bookstagram that instantly caught my eyes !
You exist too much by Zaina Arafat is beautiful story of a Palestinian-American queer girl’s search for love and Identity. It’s a story about mental health and family relationships.
The narration by the author was quite captivating and kept me hooked throughout. The protagonist is a really fascinating character and you will definitely enjoy reading it.
I would highly recommend this book to each and everyone out there !

You Exist Too Much told in the first person by an unnamed narrator is an exploration of through the prism of formative experiences in the Middle East and in particualr how her relatonship with her mother, Laila impacts on settling on her own place in the world.
The title comes from one of Laila's admonishments and a strand of the narrative is an exploration of how that relationship impacts on her romantic relationships, mental wellness and self-esteem.
After a break-up and accompanying crises, the story moves us from ber opping DJ gigs to a self-referral to a residential recovery centre, The Ledge where the narrator is admitted as a Love addict. The therapy sessions she attends provide a framework to flashback to previous experiences echoing her previous in-patient experience as a teenager suffering with anorexia nervosa.
The structure of the mid-section becomes a little repetitive, hopping between past and present quite rapidly at times, and while each anecdote offers insight there is also a lot of information we have heard before or could have concluded without being told.
The style is immediate and engaging, and its themes Mental health, sexual orientation and the ways these impact on personality make You Exist Too Much an excellent title for reading groups,

Zaina Arafat’s writing style is gorgeous, and every sentence is like wandering through a fresh-smelling garden. The plot is also meandering and explores the relationship the main character has with herself. Her journey with her sexual, national, and familial identities is fresh yet relatable.
The only thing I disliked about this book, was the setting in the rehab facility, which has nothing to do with the quality of the writing or the story – just a setting I have never enjoyed. This is the perfect read for those of us who are “too much.”

A character study of cross-cultural and bisexual identity.

The former-anorexic, Palestinian-American female protagonist engages in a series of obsessive, destructive relationships before seeking therapy for love addiction. As we flit back and forth to her childhood, and between therapy centre and her more recent past, the relationship with her mother emerges as fraught with contrasting abuse and the urge to please.

Arafat's writing is spare and sexy, and she transitions between present, the recent past and more distant past with ease.

My thanks to NetGalley and the Little, Brown Book Group UK, for the ARC.

Really, really, really loved this book! I was really interested in the intersections of queerness with a second generation immigrant identity, the idea that the protagonist is always searching for a 'homeland that doesn't exist' in other people, much like displaced Palestinians were searching for a same homeland when they were finally allowed back into the country after 1967.

I like the framing of being in a rehabilitation centre, but also liked that it didn't begin and end in rehab; it was more interesting to see the protagonist as she struggled with her time there, trying to reform herself, not quite managing but pulling through in any case. It was a beautifully written story of shame, upset, love, yearning and despair that unravelled really gradually and masterfully. Absolutely adored this book, cannot wait to read more!

You exist too much follow the life of queer Palestinian-American woman who is battling to love herself and therefore love others. We follow her life from when she is a DJ about to start Post-Grad and review why she is how she is through flashbacks to pivotal moments.

Written from the protagonists POV, I really enjoyed how I went from not liking her to understanding her and even rooting for her, as her layers were peeled back with each new memory. It felt like how one gets to know a person in real life.

As a Third Culture Kid myself, her struggles to fit in culturally resonated with me, especially because Zaina did not make that the focal point of the story because that never really is in real life, it's usually a backstory that silently influences your decisions and reactions.

This is an easy and enjoyable read, but I did find that there were times when I would forget I was reading it. I can't quite pin what was holding me back and so I have rated it 4 stars.

Content warnings for this book: Eating Disorder, Rehab, Verbal abuse from parent to child, Infidelity and drug abuse.

This is the second book I've read recently that has an unnamed protagonist (the other being Pizza Girl), and I actually really like the concept. The character is a bisexual Palestinian-American with a complicated relationship with her mother, who is very traditional and strict.

We follow the protagonist through various timeframes - from when she was young to now as an adult. She attends a clinic to get over a love addiction having had a rather turbulent romantic past where she becomes obsessed with unattainable love interests.

The book is really good at showing the affects of parenting and childhood on who a person becomes in adulthood. The character's relationship with her mother is a complex one, and this mirrors in her romantic relationships.

I wish the book had less cheating, especially because the main character is bisexual which doesn't get enough positive representation as it is. But it's diversity is great and I really enjoyed reading about a culture we see little of in literature.

A sincere thank you to the publisher, author and Netgalley for providing me with an ebook copy of this book in exchange for a fair and honest review.

This is not my usual genre,  however I wanted to take the opportunity to read something from outside my norm. And I am glad I did!! Thank you for  opening up my mind to something totally different. Characters were so well developed that I felt as though I knew them. I love when a book draws you into the story and it feels like you are living it with them.