You Exist Too Much

This was a great window book for me. I don’t think I’ve ever read an own voices book by someone who is Palestinian. Also the main character is LGBT.

I thoroughly enjoyed this story of a women going between the past and the present to work out what caused the problems she is experiencing. Trigger Warnings For this book, homophobia, eating disorders, alcoholism.

Although I'd intended to read You Exist Too Much I nearly didn't after reading a really negative review for it, one that was very critical of Zaina Arafat's depiction of bisexuality. Luckily, my mother read this first and recommended it to me. While I believe that the gender and sexual orientation of a reviewer should not bias their opinion of a book, and I generally don't refer to my own sexuality, in this case I'll make an exception. For what is worth, I'm bisexual and I was not in the least offended by the novel's representation of bisexuality. When an author writes about a character—and even more so when they draw upon their own personal experiences to do so—they are presenting a unique point of view and they are not making generalisations for entire groups of people. The protagonist of this novel is a “love addict” not because of her bisexuality but because of her distorted relationship with her parents—in particular with her mother—and her belief that she's not worthy of love. Arafat never implies that bisexual people can't be faithful nor does she suggests that her protagonist's “love addiction” is caused by her bisexuality (it seems to stem instead from her fraught relationship to her narcissistic mother).
Arafat portrayal of mental illness also struck me as incredibly realistic and deeply resonated with my own personal experiences (having had an eating disorder and having lived with a parent affected by a mental illness and substance abuse issues).
All of this to say that while everyone is entitled to their own opinion, Arafat's treatment of mental and physical health conditions struck me as both informed and believable (feel free to disagree).
I will say that while I found this to be a deeply compelling read, I’m aware that it may not appeal to readers who dislike reading about self-destructive characters. If you hated Madame Bovary for the selfish behaviour of its eponymous heroine, well, chances are you won't like this one either (curiously enough Arafat's protagonist thinks rather harshly of Emma Bovary for “her childish fantasies and for cheating on Charles”).

“All along I knew what I was doing was wrong, that I was dangerously close to a precipice. But still, I need to fall in order to stop.”


You Exist Too Much presents its readers with an intimate and in-depth character study. While there are many new novels featuring self-loathing protagonists whose alienation interferes with their ability to form—and sustain—meaningful connections with others, You Exist Too Much feels like a fresh take on this 'genre'.
After yet another breakup the unnamed main character of You Exist Too Much tries to break free from this vicious cycle of self-sabotaging. She’s unable, and at times unwilling, to maintain healthy relationships with others and frequently becomes drawn to unattainable people, infatuation which soon morph into toxic obsessions. Arafat's protagonist mistakes attention for affection and she repeatedly harms those who actually care for her in order to pursue her objet petit a (what can I say, Lacan comes in handy now and again).
When the main character’s girlfriend finds out about her latest “inappropriate emotional connection”, she breaks up with her, telling her to “sift through your issues and face them” so that “maybe one day you’ll learn you can’t treat people with such disregard. Even yourself”. Our narrator attempts to do just that.

The narrative moves between past and present, from the Middle East to New York City and from Italy and Egypt. Readers are given a glimpse into the protagonist’s childhood—her emotionally distant father, her overbearing narcissistic mother—where we see the way these early years skew her self-perception. Her mother tells her she’s unlovable and that she “exists too much”. The narrator is aware that her attraction towards women is a problem for her mother, yet, even if she knows that she would be more accepted if she were to become exclusively romantically involved with men, she pursues relationships with women. So, while our protagonist clearly seeks her mother’s approval, she’s unwilling to deny her sexuality.
Throughout the course of the novel readers will realise that the narrator is perpetuating the same self-destructive behaviour. Regardless of how her relationships start, they always seem to come to disastrous ends because of her unfaithfulness (emotional and physical) and her “love addiction”, her solipsism and self-loathing, and her underlining unresolved issues with herself and her mother.

Now, I know that I’m making this novel sound rather depressing. And, to be fair, it has quite a few bleak moments. The protagonist makes a lot of awful choices, and she does some really terrible things. She’s also pretty much aware that her actions are wrong, and she does try to improve (for example she goes to rehab her “love addiction”).
There are more downs than ups as time and again we witness her repeating the same damaging behaviour (becoming attached to unavailable or toxic people). It certainly isn’t easy to unlearn habits, especially ones that are instilled in us during our upbringing. Our narrator messes up a lot, she hurts people who genuinely love her—breaking their trust, keeping them at arm’s length—and readers will probably want to shake her quite a few times. Still, I found myself growing attached to her. I really liked her cutting sense of humour, which also lightens the overall tone, and her introspectiveness. Her longing for happiness, for love, for acceptance, are rendered with clarity. Regardless of when or where she is—New York or the West Bank—the narrator is deeply aware of her own ‘otherness’. Although she grew up outside of the Middle East she remains strongly attached to her Arab roots, yet, she notes that “it’s the idiosyncrasies of culture that keep me an outsider, and leave me with a persistent and pervasive sense of otherness, of non-belonging”. In the U. S. too she’s “just as much of an outsider” and she’s made “starkly aware of [her] nonconformity”.

Arafat introduces her readers to flawed, yet ultimately compelling, characters. Regardless of their role in the narrator’s story, these characters—who are all contending with their own issues and desires— felt incredibly nuanced.
While this novel focuses a lot on the narrator failing to connect to others, there are moments of genuine understanding and love between the protagonist and her acquaintances/friends/partners. The narrator's quest for love isn't a happy one and her self-divide—between family obligation and desire, between her homelands, between the kind of person she is and the person she wants to be—don't make for easy reading material. Still, the directness of Arafat's narrator can at times make her into a rather charming individual.
You Exist Too Much is an impressive debut novel, one that is poignant, thoughtful, and bold and will appeal to readers who enjoyed The Far Field by Madhuri Vijay.

Brilliantly readable, I finished this in one sitting. You Exist Too Much is ultimately about love, how intoxicating it can be and the damage it can cause. I really enjoyed this authentic portrayal of bisexuality, and the mix of Middle Eastern, European and North American settings.

Have reviewed on Waterstones and will review on Amazon on release.

Thank you to Dialogue Books and NetGalley for an early copy of You Exist Too Much.

This book was brilliant from start to finish and I read it in one sitting. Arafat's writing is a pleasure to read and truly captured the intersection of identity, sexuality, religion and familial ties.

Whilst our narrator is not an unlikeable character, at times her thoughts and actions are questionable and this really brought a sense of authenticity to the work. This is one of the first books discussing bisexuality (or sexuality in general) that didn't feel as though it pandered but also did not feel as though it was being excessive. Arafat has got it just right and I would highly recommend this to anyone.

Shorter than I thought but still captivating, a wonderfully promising debut from Zaina Arafat. I'm so excited to read more from her.

You Exist Too Much is a novel about a self-sabotaging Palestian-American woman navigating relationships, family, and what she wants. An unnamed protagonist who grew up in America and spent summers in the Middle East is living with her girlfriend in New York, but keeps becoming obsessed with other people. Realising she is caught in a cycle of longing and self-destruction, she seeks help, but this awareness may not be enough, as she attempts to deal with her relationship with her controlling mother who won't accept her bisexuality and looks back at events from her past.

The book wasn't what I expected, being mostly about the protagonist's issues around obsession and stability that seem to stem from her childhood and relationship with her mother, but these made it an interesting look at a flawed character caught up in self-sabotage and dealing with the different facets of her life. There isn't a huge amount of plot, other than showing the main character keeping making mistakes and repeating things she did in the past, but there is some hopefulness to the novel at times (or at least the reader may hope there is), despite the general tone of thwarted opportunity and hurting herself and others. The focus on these issues, especially her cheating and seeming refusal to change or apologise at times, will probably put off readers, and there are a lot of heavy topics that come up along the way, including eating disorders and various addictions, so it's a book to go into with an awareness of what it's going to cover.

A novel about a bisexual Palestinian-American woman dealing with her own mental health issues and trauma is a refreshing concept and You Exist Too Much provides an interesting look at a troubled character, not shying away from not providing easy answers or solutions. Those looking for a more narrative-heavy or redemptive novel may not enjoy it, but it felt like it sits alongside other modern novels about female characters who are flawed and self-destructive.

‘Baggage. No one ever breaks free from it. Everyone has to figure out how to go on living, to be decent, in spite of it.’

Wonderful debut, reads like a memoir. I was hooked from the beginning and so eager to see the protagonist grow through the story and learn about the relationship with her mother. Beautiful language and interesting character.

On a hot day in Bethlehem, a 12-year-old Palestinian-American girl is yelled at by a group of men outside the Church of the Nativity. She has exposed her legs in a biblical city, an act they deem forbidden, and their judgement will echo on through her adolescence. When our narrator finally admits to her mother that she is queer, her mother’s response only intensifies a sense of shame: “You exist too much,” she tells her daughter. Told in vignettes that flash between the U.S. and the Middle East―from New York to Jordan, Lebanon, and Palestine and between past and present-day―Zaina Arafat’s debut novel traces her protagonist’s progress from blushing teen to sought-after DJ and aspiring writer.

In Brooklyn, she moves into an apartment with her first serious girlfriend and tries to content herself with their comfortable relationship. But soon her longings, so closely hidden during her teenage years, explode out into reckless romantic encounters and obsessions with other people. Her desire to thwart her own destructive impulses will eventually lead her to The Ledge, an unconventional treatment centre that identifies her affliction as “love addiction.” In this strange, enclosed society she will start to consider the unnerving similarities between her own internal traumas and divisions and those of the places that have formed her.

You Exist Too Much is a poignant and provocative debut in which the unnamed central character attempts to accept herself, as well as gaining acceptance from others, as she comes of age. It's a story of unbridled desire, identity, belonging, sexuality, queerness, mental health, love addiction, toxic relationships, trauma, unfaithfulness, family, friendship and the feeling of being caught between two different cultures, religions and sexual identities. The way it is written captivated me right from the start and it flowed effortlessly from page to page. The narrative immerses you until you feel as though you are living in the same world the characters are facing and the flashbacks to the past were superbly executed. This is very much a character-driven novel and as you warm to the protagonist you find yourself desperately wanting her to grow and evolve and find herself. An excellent, engrossing debut; I look forward to seeing what Arafat produces next. Highly recommended. Many thanks to Dialogue Books for an ARC.

This book follows an American-Palestinian unnamed narrator living in America and navigating her way through life. “You exist too much” are the words her mother tells her in response to the main character which haunt her throughout her life and subsequent relationships.

This story focuses on the mother-daughter relationship with the backdrop of Arabic culture; the relationship is strained once the main character turns out to be very different from her mother but she still yearns for comfort and acceptance. This codependent, abusive relationship that started at a young age shapes the narrator and sets the scene for what relationships in adulthood will look like for her. Her mother also regrets much of her own life, falling pregnant at a young age and in an extremely unhappy marriage. This of course has an effect on the main character.

The main character obsesses about people, diagnosed as a ‘love addict’, who obsesses/chases after the unattainable but is fearful when things get too serious, seeing herself the way her mother sees her perhaps - not good enough. She goes through many unhealthy relationships, shattering hopes of any future, breaking trust and being dishonest. She goes to a rehab centre to try to better herself and learn how to not repeat past behaviours.

I thought this story was great. The first person narrative was fantastic and so personal that it felt like reading someone’s diary. The honest, messy baggage of this character was something that a lot of people can relate to; the feeling of never being good enough, or not meeting the expectations of others. The rawness of her emotions were so real that I almost felt what the main character felt.

I have never read a book with Arabic and LBGT representation and it thought it was so important to read about. The cultural implications of her sexuality and subsequent hurt was devastating and it makes me wonder how many people feel this way. Our childhoods do truly affect us and our past experiences follow us everywhere we go - affect everything we do. The main character was desperate for her mother’s acceptance and love, despite her mother being narcissistic in her approach to her daughter, her choices and her sexuality. Ultimately the main character is lost, and doesn’t quite know where home is.

It was heartbreaking at many points of this book but I think this is a really great, important read. I loved this. This is definitely a book I will re-read in the future. This was brilliantly written.

CW: cheating, eating disorders, mentions of self harm/suicide, abusive relationships.

After so many bad reviews I had very low expectations but it was definitely very interesting and important read. I was pleasantly surprised. I really enjoyed it and found it hard to put in down and go to sleep. Therefore I fell asleep with a Kindle on my chest.

It's a story of a young, queer Palestinian woman caught between her family expectations, religion, culture and her sexual identity. Having strict, abusive mother doesn't help. It's really heartbreaking when she tells her daughter, that she exist too much, yet most of the time she doesn't even register the girl's existence.

The unnamed narrator struggles with forming a healthy relationship due to her “love addiction”, it makes her obsessed with people. She makes a lot of bad decisions which have a great impact on her future. Finally she decides to go for an unconventional treatment that's supposed to help her with her addiction.

Writing about such a taboo is a real challenge and in my opinion Zaina Arafat has succeeded .

Character-driven, painfully sincere and heartbreakingly beautiful; Arafat's "You exist too much" taps into the themes of "otherness", of love and self-acceptance, of desire and the search for one's own identity.

I don't often read literary fiction and this novel has reminded me why I need to change that, especially when it comes to literary fiction written by authors of colour with characters of colour. I found this a really captivating. beautifully written read. This is an own voices novel about an American Palestinian queer woman (from a Muslim background, I believe, though I don't think the main character identified as Muslim, nor was she depicted to be religious in any way). That alone already makes this novel stand out, as unfortunately, Palestinian representation is so rare in mainstream fiction, never mind queer Palestinian representation. I thought the author did a really great job of interweaving the main character's cultural identity and heritage into the story, and I really appreciated the way they mentioned and brought in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict too.

This book covers a number of very important and quite serious themes, including homophobia, racism, addiction, eating disorders, abuse, and toxic family/romantic/sexual relationships. To me, however, it did seem as though the author tried to fit too much into this novel as I thought some of the themes could have been covered in more detail, such as the main character's eating disorder.

If you've seen any other reviews of this book, you're probably aware of people's differing opinions on the bi representation in this novel. I agree that the bi representation did come across as slightly problematic – while I don't think the author intended to purposefully portray a bi character in a way that plays into harmful stereotypes, the reality of rampant biphobia and the serious lack of positive bi representation in fiction means having a bi main character who is a "love addict" and repeatedly cheats on her partners comes across as quite damaging to the bi community, and I can certainly see why people would be unhappy with this representation. Having said that, if you don't think this sort of thing will upset or trigger you in any way, I wouldn't let it put you off from reading this book as I think there's still a lot that a (particularly queer/POC) reader can get out of it. While I've rated this book 4 stars, it probably lies between 3.5-4 stars for me.

I received this book free from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Zaina Arafat: You Exist Too Much.
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“It is a bizarre and unsettling feeling, to exist in a liminal state between two realms, unable to attain full access to one or the other”

Arafat explores identity, sexual preference, and sex itself, in conjunction with family, religion, tradition, (in)fidelity and addiction. You Exist Too Much deals with difficult topics, and so at times it is awkward or uncomfortable. I found that a lot of the main characters relationships evoked these feelings, especially the dynamic between her and her mother, and her and her partners.

I didn’t realise until I started writing this review, that the name of the main character is never revealed. We know her mothers, her brothers, her families, her friends and her lovers- but never hers. We are privy to her every thought and feeling, her past and her present, yet we don’t know her name. She spends a lot of the book questioning her identity, and I think being nameless (striking a perfect dichotomy with the books title) so perfectly encapsulates her desperation as she struggles to maintain a sense of self.

She isn’t necessarily a likeable character. Her self-sabotage is frustrating, she repeatedly makes bad choices, she’s rude. But her honesty was refreshing, her struggles were real and she demonstrates progress and development (although not necessarily when she should). I know she’s flawed, she knows she’s flawed and Arafat definitely knows she’s flawed- that’s the whole point.

This is the first book that I’ve read from net galley. I’m really glad that I found it, and that I was approved. While I’d normally rate a book that I’m reviewing, I don’t think its fair to when the book hasn’t yet been released. But I definitely enjoyed it, and would be interested in reading future books by Arafat.

You Exist Too Much is released on November 19th 2020.

(this review will be posted on my instagram account @crosslingreads later this week or early next week)

"Worst than receiving rage was the ability to detect its remnants".

The novel opens with it's protagonist trading trousers with their uncle at a tourist site in Bethlehem, realising the limitations and the realities of becoming a young woman- with it the expectation to cover her legs when within a biblical city. "Wearing my uncle's baggy trousers, I enjoyed occupying blurred lines. Ambiguity was an unsettling yet exhilarating experience."

Within this lies the crux of the novel. This is a portrayal of existing between the lines and how this shapes self view, relationships and the ability to confront universal truths that don't always feel applicable. Much of her self lies hidden in many ways; from her mother's lack of acceptance towards her bisexuality, to covering up her true thoughts and desires to the people she forms relationships with. The fact is, many truths exist- she is Palestinian living within the USA; she is bisexual; she is a woman; she is a recovering anorexic; she is revelling from the conflicts of her childhood.

"'Do you know what the definition of insanity is?'
I mumbled, 'It's doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.'
'Right. And whatever that thing is, it's precisely what landed you here'."

We follow our narrator on her journey to identifying her lack of ability to be intimate with people on an emotional level. After another blow, she checks into a facility to aim to deal with love addiction. It feels to me as some of the narrator's own self can appear fluctuating to her- caught between the conflicts of her birth culture and home, for example, and between both fearing and loving a mother who is rejecting. As she finds how to let others is, ultimately a task is to help find herself and to explore how she can actualise and become the person she really is.

There are powerful passages here, where the lines feel more clearly drawn. To see the narrator analyse what it means to be Palestinian, for example. These moments pop up throughout, "I [feel] a pinch of guilt for being in Italy and not on the West Bank, volunteering with refugees or resisting the opposition.. 'I have no responsibilities here,' I said. 'And no ties to anyone.'
When she attends a function back in her birth country, she has to ask officials not to stamp her passport as she passes through the border from Israel, as this would make it difficult to then be able to re-visit her friends in Lebanon. The conflict of this mirrors her own personal struggles, most of which are asserting her own identity and accepting herself enough to be vulnerable to it. She feels able to build relationships and have sexual encounters, but how far can this be ultimately followed through, with the core knowledge of her mother's opinion and the guttural sting of this?

"I am lost in my mother's possibility, in what couldn't been, caught between her frustrated potential and a desire to fulfil my own... Our mutual sacrifice creates wounds that may never heal".

This is a story of relationships. I would say the key one is the relationship with the self and in placing yourself in life in relation to that, so that actually things can grow and bloom. It's also a story of conflicts, that affect every aspect.

I have rounded up to a 4 from a 3.5. I love the themes and the writing has a lot of potential. I just feel this could have been slightly more refined in its representations and could have pushed even further with its subject matter though. A promising debut novel and I'll certainly watch out for Arafat.

Thanks to netgalley for providing me with a copy of this book.

‘You exist too much’ reads like a memoir and has all the emotional upheaval that comes with life, love and loss. Zaina Arafat is a fresh and authentic voice who tells the story of a young woman who lives in multiple worlds in order to keep all of the people in her life separate. The heartache she faces everyday knowing that her sexuality will never be accepted by the family and their traditional attitudes leaves her with problems of commitment and eternal guilt.
I didn’t know what to make of the main character in this book because I felt as an outsider she was self- sabotaging her relationships for no good reason but as her story went on I could see how her past had made her question everything about her present and future. The whole tone of this book is raw and unapologetically honest and I grew to love that by the end. Arafat ties in her own heritage with the importance of cultural and religious identity which although I don’t share I can see the universality that everyone is just trying to find their place in the world and that can be a lonely journey if we only tie ourselves to other people’s ideals and happiness.
A completely unique and heart wrenching read.

Zaina Arafat’s ‘You Exist Too Much’ wasn’t what I expected. There have been moments in the book which I really liked, and others that I haven’t enjoyed as much.

‘You Exist Too Much’ follows Palestinian-American queer woman on a journey of self-discovery. The book interchanges present moments with the recollections of events that has already happened, which explains the main character’s history, attitude and problems. Our protagonist as well as other characters in Zaina Arafat’s book are flawed and lost. While it makes them more realistic, it also heightens tension in the book as well as incredibly uncomfortable moments in life.

Our protagonist, who narrates the whole story, has been dealing with incredibly heavy problems – from eating disorder, love addiction to overall desire to belong somewhere and winning her mother’s approval. There have been really interesting moments of tensions between her (double) identity, and desire to please others as well herself. Those were the moments I really liked in ‘You Exist Too Much’. At moments, they have highlighted the cultural tension and politics, that while not at the forefront of the book, played a role in the background of ‘You Exist Too Much’.

While I have overall mixed feelings about the whole book, I have enjoyed the author’s voice a lot at moments, and I’m looking forward to more of their works.

Another debut novel, You Exist Too Much strings together a set of beautifully-drawn vignettes like pearls lit from within, slowly connecting the motivations of a young woman feeling stuck between expectation, reality, religious and societal convention and choosing to follow her own path – or as the book’s epigram from Kierkegaard neatly sums up: “pleasure disappoints, possibility never.” Leaping from past to present, from the Middle East to the US, the chapters weave together the strands of the protagonist’s dreams and desires into an exquisitely written and provocative whole. After moving into an apartment with her first serious girlfriend and faced with the prospect of domesticity, the narrator seemingly subconsciously and deliberately implodes the relationship by seeking and having affairs with others, often totally unobtainable individuals. Admitting and facing up to the destructive tendencies rooted deep within her, she seeks help at The Ledge, an unconventional therapy centre where she’s diagnosed with an addiction to love and forced to undergo numerous sessions with other addicts, all hunting their own resolutions. How can you find somewhere to call home when you float between worlds? Can the love given by another individual ever fill the void of not truly loving yourself? Though the book is painful in places it’s also perfectly paced, leading the reader slowly through realisations just like a brilliant therapist would: and as with Pandora’s box, there’s hope at the end. An impressive debut that’s well worth your time, and makes Zaina Arafat definitely one to watch

Cambridge Edition Book Club 'Autumn Reads' October 2020 (link to follow)

“You exist too much”: that is what the protagonist’s mother tells her in her youth and constantly reminds her whenever she derails from the expectations that she has on her. The unnamed protagonist is a Palestinian-American girl who is trying to find her way into the world, as well as, and most importantly, her place within herself.

In this self-discovery novel, the 1st person narrator impactfully presents a flawed character on her quest for growing out of unsettling confusion and into stable adulthood. Her emotional baggage and the mistakes that she has made, which lead to an inability to form meaningful relationships that can last, are what the narration is focused on.

The striking honesty adopted in retelling the events reminded me of “a million little pieces” by James Frey, because it affected my reading experience in a similar way, making it upsetting and frustrating at times. This, however, does not make it less interesting or less reliable, because the reader gets to understand that there is a connection between the narrator’s current self-sabotaging behaviour and her traumatic childhood. The indifference of a distant father and of a mother who lacked in displaying affection affected her in the exploration of queerness, which is nevertheless never denied, and healthy love – she has a love addiction, meaning that she tends to disrupt her current relationship losing herself in fantasies over somewhat distant and unattainable external people.

The structure of the book, in which most chapters alternate between the main storyline and flashbacks to memories from the past, well mirrors the draining feeling of piecing up personal trauma and the marks left on her, not only on a psychological level, but physical as well (she has recently recovered from an eating disorder). This means that it might not be suitable for everyone, as it might trigger traumatic memories, but the author has been able to counterbalance the harshness of the story with a reflective narrative style that helps digest the events more easily and enhances the delicate intimacy of the moments most cherished by the protagonist.

Another element that I found very interesting is that the idea of identity is explored from various perspectives: along with the narrator’s bisexuality and her trying to become who she wants to be, we also find her torn between the two cultures she belongs to – the Arab and the American one. Despite having spent a great part of her life in the US, she still feels a sense of belonging to the Arab culture, because she has what she terms a “basic but nuanced knowledge” of it – “the stuff that no one really teaches you”, which you only assimilate if you have lived in the place and have a background related to it. However, this is the reason why she is seen as different in the US, so that she ends up living in “a liminal state between two realms, unable to attain full access to one or the other”, feeling a constant sense of otherness in both places.

To sum up, Zaina Arafat has written a book full of complex contrasts, explained with beautiful sincerity, making it the perfect recommendation for anyone who wants to read something incredibly hard to forget!

A sincere thank you to the publisher, author and Netgalley for providing me with an ebook copy of this book in exchange for a fair and honest review.

This is not my usual genre,  however I wanted to take the opportunity to read something from outside my norm. And I am glad I did!! Thank you for  opening up my mind to something totally different. Characters were so well developed that I felt as though I knew them. I love when a book draws you into the story and it feels like you are living it with them.

There are several reasons why I decided to read this book and one of them is its title! When I came across this book and read the title—not to exaggerate, but—it literally pierced through my heart and then, the contents this book focuses on. I have read many different genres and I still believe that there are still many that I am yet to explore, but reading a book about queerness was something I have never read before. When I started this book, I was in doubt if all I am going to read is those cheesy and clingy things about love and romance—which I always prefer to avoid—but to my surprise, it was much more than that and just too sensitive about many things. To put it in simple words, I had never seen a world through a person's eyes who is struggling to find his/her sexuality and trying to make a place in the world. Zaina Arafat's 'You Exist Too Much' helped me to understand those raw realities about queerness and gave me a considerable point of view.
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'You Exist Too Much' is a phenomenal novel about an Arab bisexual protagonist who comes from a very conservative background of a Middle East family. A protagonist who is still exploring her sexual preference and somewhere between that she becomes a love addict. The big part of this book is about her series of tumultuous relationships with men and women, her flicks, and bonds with people. She tries her best but her relationships with women always fail her and make her even more miserable to herself.
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Throughout the book, the story moves between her past in the Middle East to her present life in America and sometimes in other countries. Her mother played a very vital part in how the protagonist sees the world and I also consider it the reason behind her being insecure and uncertain about all women she gets in a relationship with. Zaina Arafat's work as an author is brilliant and that can be understood only after realizing to what extent she made her protagonist so sensitive and makes the reader glued to her story.
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There wasn't a part that I felt was unnecessary and not a single flaw that I identified. Since the story starts, it progresses candidly and puts the readers in situations where even they question what the protagonist wants and where exactly she belongs. It's all about the ups and downs she faces in her life and finding answers in all the unexpected places. The good part about this book is it's happily ever after ending where even her mother accepts her sexuality and the protagonist confesses her relationship with a woman–Anouk.
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I will highly recommend this sensational book if someone wants to explore something new and sensitive, Zaina Arafat presented the rawest realities that queer people face. This book is about courage and standing strong for what one wants even if that means the roads of life might be blocked with nothing but chaos and uncertainty. It's about the hope that one should never lose and spirit that one should always stick to when it comes to finding a place where they belong. It's about cultural biases and beliefs and the protagonist's way of understanding the reason for her existence. Pick this book to experience various emotions as the protagonist's story moves; it will make you feel sad, concerned, worried, anxious, sometimes happy and sometimes its depressing setting would make you feel helpless to do anything for the protagonist. Last but not the least, read it for the author's efforts to make it so appealing and bringing something this enlightening to our knowledge!

This is the second book I've read recently that has an unnamed protagonist (the other being Pizza Girl), and I actually really like the concept. The character is a bisexual Palestinian-American with a complicated relationship with her mother, who is very traditional and strict.

We follow the protagonist through various timeframes - from when she was young to now as an adult. She attends a clinic to get over a love addiction having had a rather turbulent romantic past where she becomes obsessed with unattainable love interests.

The book is really good at showing the affects of parenting and childhood on who a person becomes in adulthood. The character's relationship with her mother is a complex one, and this mirrors in her romantic relationships.

I wish the book had less cheating, especially because the main character is bisexual which doesn't get enough positive representation as it is. But it's diversity is great and I really enjoyed reading about a culture we see little of in literature.

You exist too much follow the life of queer Palestinian-American woman who is battling to love herself and therefore love others. We follow her life from when she is a DJ about to start Post-Grad and review why she is how she is through flashbacks to pivotal moments.

Written from the protagonists POV, I really enjoyed how I went from not liking her to understanding her and even rooting for her, as her layers were peeled back with each new memory. It felt like how one gets to know a person in real life.

As a Third Culture Kid myself, her struggles to fit in culturally resonated with me, especially because Zaina did not make that the focal point of the story because that never really is in real life, it's usually a backstory that silently influences your decisions and reactions.

This is an easy and enjoyable read, but I did find that there were times when I would forget I was reading it. I can't quite pin what was holding me back and so I have rated it 4 stars.

Content warnings for this book: Eating Disorder, Rehab, Verbal abuse from parent to child, Infidelity and drug abuse.

Really, really, really loved this book! I was really interested in the intersections of queerness with a second generation immigrant identity, the idea that the protagonist is always searching for a 'homeland that doesn't exist' in other people, much like displaced Palestinians were searching for a same homeland when they were finally allowed back into the country after 1967.

I like the framing of being in a rehabilitation centre, but also liked that it didn't begin and end in rehab; it was more interesting to see the protagonist as she struggled with her time there, trying to reform herself, not quite managing but pulling through in any case. It was a beautifully written story of shame, upset, love, yearning and despair that unravelled really gradually and masterfully. Absolutely adored this book, cannot wait to read more!

A character study of cross-cultural and bisexual identity.

The former-anorexic, Palestinian-American female protagonist engages in a series of obsessive, destructive relationships before seeking therapy for love addiction. As we flit back and forth to her childhood, and between therapy centre and her more recent past, the relationship with her mother emerges as fraught with contrasting abuse and the urge to please.

Arafat's writing is spare and sexy, and she transitions between present, the recent past and more distant past with ease.

My thanks to NetGalley and the Little, Brown Book Group UK, for the ARC.

Zaina Arafat’s writing style is gorgeous, and every sentence is like wandering through a fresh-smelling garden. The plot is also meandering and explores the relationship the main character has with herself. Her journey with her sexual, national, and familial identities is fresh yet relatable.
The only thing I disliked about this book, was the setting in the rehab facility, which has nothing to do with the quality of the writing or the story – just a setting I have never enjoyed. This is the perfect read for those of us who are “too much.”

You Exist Too Much was not at all what I was expecting but in an incredible way. It was a slow and descriptive journey about a young bisexual Palestinian American woman who has a string of relationships break down. After some internal reflection, she decides to check in to rehabilitation for love addiction to understand the problem. We jump back and forth on the timeline from the present day and back to her childhood memories.

I adored the writing, Zaina Arafat took her time walking us through each pivotal moment in our narrators life and I really enjoyed it. I loved being in her head and seeing everything through her eyes as she was such a complex morally-grey character.

I also really enjoyed seeing the rehabilitation and how they looked at her past with her fraught relationship with her mother. It was really interesting to see how everything connected and how this left us with the woman she was today.

I will say that my only issue with this would be the ending, I was hoping for a little more at the end to show the complete character arc. Although I can understand Zaina wanting to leave it more to the reader’s imagination.

Overall, this was a really unique story which I’d definitely urge others to read once available.

You Exist Too Much told in the first person by an unnamed narrator is an exploration of through the prism of formative experiences in the Middle East and in particualr how her relatonship with her mother, Laila impacts on settling on her own place in the world.
The title comes from one of Laila's admonishments and a strand of the narrative is an exploration of how that relationship impacts on her romantic relationships, mental wellness and self-esteem.
After a break-up and accompanying crises, the story moves us from ber opping DJ gigs to a self-referral to a residential recovery centre, The Ledge where the narrator is admitted as a Love addict. The therapy sessions she attends provide a framework to flashback to previous experiences echoing her previous in-patient experience as a teenager suffering with anorexia nervosa.
The structure of the mid-section becomes a little repetitive, hopping between past and present quite rapidly at times, and while each anecdote offers insight there is also a lot of information we have heard before or could have concluded without being told.
The style is immediate and engaging, and its themes Mental health, sexual orientation and the ways these impact on personality make You Exist Too Much an excellent title for reading groups,

First of all, I would like to mention that I am not familiar with this particular genre as I’ve never explored it. But lately I’ve been seeing a lot of Palestinian book reviews across bookstagram that instantly caught my eyes !
You exist too much by Zaina Arafat is beautiful story of a Palestinian-American queer girl’s search for love and Identity. It’s a story about mental health and family relationships.
The narration by the author was quite captivating and kept me hooked throughout. The protagonist is a really fascinating character and you will definitely enjoy reading it.
I would highly recommend this book to each and everyone out there !

I don’t know why this took me so long to read, because as soon as I started it I was instantly captivated and read it in 2 days.

You Exist too Much follows our bisexual, unnamed narrator from New York to Palestine, to the Midwest and back. It’s a story of the struggle of mother-daughter relationship, the difference between love and sex, mental illness, sexuality and tradition, making mistakes and making amends.

I absolutely adored the way this story develops, jumping between time periods and places and relationships. Our narrator is both deeply relatable and horribly flawed. Sometimes you find yourself almost shouting “no! Don’t do that!” as she self-sabotages over and over.

This was one of those books I never wanted to end. I love being in the narrator’s head, her challenges and successes, rooting for her but dreading her decisions.

I loved being part of this journey and in this narrator’s head. I was very sad to leave her when it was over.

Narrated by an unnamed Palestinian-American woman, You Exist Too Much beautifully captures the isolation and confusion of a life caught between two cultures and not quite feeling like you fit in to either. From memories of her childhood we see the narrator spend childhood summers in the Middle East, homesick for America, only to return and long for her grandmother’s house in Jordan.
Sometimes this clash of cultures can be humorous – the narrator’s father wakes her for school in the morning by singing:
“Ya madrassa, ya madrassa,” which means “School, O school” in Arabic, or, depending on which dictionary you consult, “terrorist training camp.”
Sometimes the gulf between cultures is more painful – she is called ‘the terrorist’ at school and is glad to have a nickname. It is only looking back in adulthood that she realises how insidious and othering such a thing can be: today we would likely call it a microaggression. She often feels annoyed by the lack of understanding demonstrated by most Americans and yet admits to her own ‘lack of political and cultural knowledge’.
“The fact that I grew up outside the Middle East doesn’t make feel less Arab … Yet it’s the idiosyncrasies of culture that keep me an outsider, and leave me with a persistent and pervasive sense of otherness, of non-belonging"
This sense of existing between cultures is exacerbated by her attraction to women, and the complicated relationship she has with her family. The narrator’s emotionally absent father and charming, popular, abusive mother leave their mark, and she trips from one relationship to another, desperately seeking the love and approval that is withheld by her mother.
The narrator’s romantic relationships tend towards shallow and self-destructive, and she repeatedly obsesses over unavailable women (the nutritionist at her eating disorder centre, a married acquaintance of her mother, the professor leading her French classes…). Her mother’s complete rejection of her sexuality (she is ‘a burden’), and continual put-downs (‘you exist too much’), certainly don’t help - much of the book is told from a group therapy retreat after she has sabotaged a four-year relationship. Despite how this may sound, the book is not simply a laundry list of misery and oppression: the narration is dry and sparsely yet beautifully written as she and veers between over-dramatic spirals of self-sabotage and clear analysis of her own feelings (and failings) and the tone is judged well enough to make the book eminently readable. I enjoyed it!

This is a book that throws a fascinating spotlight on aspects of many issues - broken family relationships, national and sexual identity, addiction and self-abuse.

The author navigates this crowded field with grace and eloquence, telling the story of a Palestinian-American woman as she lives her life between countries, jobs and relationships.

Zaina Arafat tells a compelling story and although the characters may not always be likeable they are well-drawn and have a valuable role in the overall story. The book made me think about many areas that are unfamiliar to me, while making the whole thing very relatable.

You Exist Too Much takes us in a journey alongside a Palestinian-American girl through all the stages of discovering herself and how love (in all ways) can affect the life of any person.

It is hard to try to describe how much I liked it. Though I didn’t hook up to the book from the very beginning, it slowly made me want to keep reading until I got to the end. This young woman struggles a lot with love, as it is shown in the story. She went through some hard moments that were decisive in her life, that led her to have some toxicity in her relationships - even with her family.

There were moments in which you could feel how she started to sabotage herself, making you wonder and question about her choices and actions. Afterwards, when it settles in you, you may -or may not- feel like you have done questionable things like what she’s done. I could not help but relate to her a lot.

The topics of sexuality and identity are also included as well as mental health. It was a refreshing reading, which helped me to understand some more of these subjects and about myself, though I can’t yet feel prepared to give my opinions on them.

Something I did not like that much was those changes of time and place which sometimes were kind of abrupt and made me go back and forth to understand what was happening.

That being said, I am really eager on reading more from Zaina Arafat and on these topics as well. There’s no doubt I will recommend it to anyone willing to read OV’s books.

Thanks to Dialogue Books - Little, Brown Book Group UK and NetGalley for an advanced copy of the book in exchange of an honest review.

I kept seeing this book and it was really the LGBTQ theme that drew me. I am so pleased to have read it- it comments on identity (not just in terms of sexuality) with care and sensitivity and also moves effortlessly through various timeframes (some books try and fail to do this). Where stories include themes of addiction they sometimes frustrate me but this book dealt with those themes brilliantly. I loved that the character wasn’t a white, middle class clone (too many recent books have featured the same or too similar a protagonist). I also really enjoyed that the main characters bisexuality, while central in some ways, wasn’t shoehorned in and never felt forced. I saw that the writer had written for various publications (in her bio) and I want to read her back catalogue when possible. This is in my top 3 books of 2020.

An educational and raw account of living as a queer Palestinian in America, I thoroughly enjoyed this book from start to finish. With its indulgent mix of funny and desperately sad, the story follows our protagonist over a number of years as she tackles love addiction and a toxic, homophobic mother with whom she has a codependent relationship.

I found the narrative excruciatingly honest and the development of the main character to be realistic and intense; the woman at the end of the book was so different from the woman at the beginning.

The prose was really engaging, I was sucked in from the opening paragraph. I adored the contemplative and introspective world in which she lives. The reader is able to see deeply into the soul of the protagonist and has a front row seat to her discretions and motivations.

A stunning book; I'll definitely be looking for more from this author.

I loved this so much. I felt moved by the narrator's story, her incessant moves between countries, between states, between lovers; her flawed relationship with her mum, her craving for belonging and her misdirected appetite for love and life. I found all the characters loveable, despite all of them being flawed, and the format of the novel was wonderful - dynamic, ever moving, going backwards and forwards between places, times, memories.

I didn't know what to expect from this novel, but the storytelling is incredibly compelling. I had no defence, it pulled me right in.

We follow a young Palestinian-American woman who is exploring her sexual and cultural identity while struggling with the demons from her past. We are propelled from love story to love story, but all of them hurt and none of them stick.

This novel explores so many complicated subject without scruples and with a lot of thought. It might seem like we're propelled into a "Sex and the City" kind of tale with a bit more hurt and rehab than you would expect from the TV series, but it's actually so much more than that. All the while our narrator is likeable and easy to relate to and understand, even if you have almost nothing in common with her. That I feel is the strength of good writing. Zaina Arafat has done her main character justice.

An added bonus is that this novel doesn't only take place in the US, it also takes place in Palestine which brought back memories to my trip there in 2019.

My review might seem a bit more disjointed than it normally would be, but I loved the novel. The storytelling. The setting. The hard-hitting elements. I hope you will too.

Thanks to Dialogue Books and NetGalley for the review copy.

This book was a Brilliantly written book. I finished this in one sitting. You Exist Too Much is ultimately about love. The intoxicating nature of love and the kind of wreck it creates in its path is the theme of this own voices book. It’s my first book with a Palestinian own voices book. The portrayal of sexuality and its raw essence is brilliant. Will definitely recommend this.