After so many bad reviews I had very low expectations but it was definitely very interesting and important read. I was pleasantly surprised. I really enjoyed it and found it hard to put in down and go to sleep. Therefore I fell asleep with a Kindle on my chest.

It's a story of a young, queer Palestinian woman caught between her family expectations, religion, culture and her sexual identity. Having strict, abusive mother doesn't help. It's really heartbreaking when she tells her daughter, that she exist too much, yet most of the time she doesn't even register the girl's existence.

The unnamed narrator struggles with forming a healthy relationship due to her “love addiction”, it makes her obsessed with people. She makes a lot of bad decisions which have a great impact on her future. Finally she decides to go for an unconventional treatment that's supposed to help her with her addiction.

Writing about such a taboo is a real challenge and in my opinion Zaina Arafat has succeeded .

Character-driven, painfully sincere and heartbreakingly beautiful; Arafat's "You exist too much" taps into the themes of "otherness", of love and self-acceptance, of desire and the search for one's own identity.

I don't often read literary fiction and this novel has reminded me why I need to change that, especially when it comes to literary fiction written by authors of colour with characters of colour. I found this a really captivating. beautifully written read. This is an own voices novel about an American Palestinian queer woman (from a Muslim background, I believe, though I don't think the main character identified as Muslim, nor was she depicted to be religious in any way). That alone already makes this novel stand out, as unfortunately, Palestinian representation is so rare in mainstream fiction, never mind queer Palestinian representation. I thought the author did a really great job of interweaving the main character's cultural identity and heritage into the story, and I really appreciated the way they mentioned and brought in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict too.

This book covers a number of very important and quite serious themes, including homophobia, racism, addiction, eating disorders, abuse, and toxic family/romantic/sexual relationships. To me, however, it did seem as though the author tried to fit too much into this novel as I thought some of the themes could have been covered in more detail, such as the main character's eating disorder.

If you've seen any other reviews of this book, you're probably aware of people's differing opinions on the bi representation in this novel. I agree that the bi representation did come across as slightly problematic – while I don't think the author intended to purposefully portray a bi character in a way that plays into harmful stereotypes, the reality of rampant biphobia and the serious lack of positive bi representation in fiction means having a bi main character who is a "love addict" and repeatedly cheats on her partners comes across as quite damaging to the bi community, and I can certainly see why people would be unhappy with this representation. Having said that, if you don't think this sort of thing will upset or trigger you in any way, I wouldn't let it put you off from reading this book as I think there's still a lot that a (particularly queer/POC) reader can get out of it. While I've rated this book 4 stars, it probably lies between 3.5-4 stars for me.

I received this book free from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

This book follows an American-Palestinian unnamed narrator living in America and navigating her way through life. “You exist too much” are the words her mother tells her in response to the main character which haunt her throughout her life and subsequent relationships.

This story focuses on the mother-daughter relationship with the backdrop of Arabic culture; the relationship is strained once the main character turns out to be very different from her mother but she still yearns for comfort and acceptance. This codependent, abusive relationship that started at a young age shapes the narrator and sets the scene for what relationships in adulthood will look like for her. Her mother also regrets much of her own life, falling pregnant at a young age and in an extremely unhappy marriage. This of course has an effect on the main character.

The main character obsesses about people, diagnosed as a ‘love addict’, who obsesses/chases after the unattainable but is fearful when things get too serious, seeing herself the way her mother sees her perhaps - not good enough. She goes through many unhealthy relationships, shattering hopes of any future, breaking trust and being dishonest. She goes to a rehab centre to try to better herself and learn how to not repeat past behaviours.

I thought this story was great. The first person narrative was fantastic and so personal that it felt like reading someone’s diary. The honest, messy baggage of this character was something that a lot of people can relate to; the feeling of never being good enough, or not meeting the expectations of others. The rawness of her emotions were so real that I almost felt what the main character felt.

I have never read a book with Arabic and LBGT representation and it thought it was so important to read about. The cultural implications of her sexuality and subsequent hurt was devastating and it makes me wonder how many people feel this way. Our childhoods do truly affect us and our past experiences follow us everywhere we go - affect everything we do. The main character was desperate for her mother’s acceptance and love, despite her mother being narcissistic in her approach to her daughter, her choices and her sexuality. Ultimately the main character is lost, and doesn’t quite know where home is.

It was heartbreaking at many points of this book but I think this is a really great, important read. I loved this. This is definitely a book I will re-read in the future. This was brilliantly written.

CW: cheating, eating disorders, mentions of self harm/suicide, abusive relationships.

Upon reading the blurb for this book, I thought I'd be reading about the aforementioned twelve-year-old girl. Instead, I was brought to the life of a twenty-something unnamed narrator, a Palestinian American queer woman coming to terms with her love addiction, who forced herself to sift through her childhood in order to heal. On one hand, I do feel like I've been given something else compared to what was promised. On the other, despite really disliking the protagonist, I could not help but continue reading. This book actually reminds me a lot of Never Have I Ever series on Netflix, where the main character is so problematic yet I continue watching the show anyway.

You Exist Too Much basically explores the protagonists different stages in life while she's in a 30-day rehab program for love addicts and her post rehab years. From her relationship with her parents, coming to terms with her sexuality, encounters with older men (or pedophiles, to put it simply) to her reckless encounters that would eventually wreck her relationship beyond repair. She definitely hit rock bottom with this one. I am conflicted because as much as I hate her for what she's done, the fact that she's trying to fix herself kept echoing at the back of my mind, as if to urge me to forgive her, or at least be kind. I felt like I was being commanded to pity the protagonist, which I didn't like at all.

Overall, this fell flat for me. I felt like the flashbacks did not really have purpose or helped the plot in any way. The story became excruciatingly dull to me and I find this very unfortunate as I was really looking forward to reading this one.

I was really looking forward to reading this and had high hopes. From the beginning i was really interested and excited to read a novel from the viewpoint of a Palestinian bisexual woman. Along the way, i got lost in the plot: whether is was past tense or present, the changing between the protagonist coming out to her mum, verses her being an inpatient wasnt clear to me. I had no idea if it was going between past and present or not. I was also caught off guard with the mention of anorexia- not just the mention but the habits food wise, which was triggering as a survivor myself. I also found it weird that she had a jewish boyfriend who was “pro palestinian”. This is a weird suggestion that jewish people arent naturally pro-palestine? Equating ‘jews’ with israeli gov.

On a hot day in Bethlehem, a 12-year-old Palestinian-American girl is yelled at by a group of men outside the Church of the Nativity. She has exposed her legs in a biblical city, an act they deem forbidden, and their judgement will echo on through her adolescence. When our narrator finally admits to her mother that she is queer, her mother’s response only intensifies a sense of shame: “You exist too much,” she tells her daughter. Told in vignettes that flash between the U.S. and the Middle East―from New York to Jordan, Lebanon, and Palestine and between past and present-day―Zaina Arafat’s debut novel traces her protagonist’s progress from blushing teen to sought-after DJ and aspiring writer.

In Brooklyn, she moves into an apartment with her first serious girlfriend and tries to content herself with their comfortable relationship. But soon her longings, so closely hidden during her teenage years, explode out into reckless romantic encounters and obsessions with other people. Her desire to thwart her own destructive impulses will eventually lead her to The Ledge, an unconventional treatment centre that identifies her affliction as “love addiction.” In this strange, enclosed society she will start to consider the unnerving similarities between her own internal traumas and divisions and those of the places that have formed her.

You Exist Too Much is a poignant and provocative debut in which the unnamed central character attempts to accept herself, as well as gaining acceptance from others, as she comes of age. It's a story of unbridled desire, identity, belonging, sexuality, queerness, mental health, love addiction, toxic relationships, trauma, unfaithfulness, family, friendship and the feeling of being caught between two different cultures, religions and sexual identities. The way it is written captivated me right from the start and it flowed effortlessly from page to page. The narrative immerses you until you feel as though you are living in the same world the characters are facing and the flashbacks to the past were superbly executed. This is very much a character-driven novel and as you warm to the protagonist you find yourself desperately wanting her to grow and evolve and find herself. An excellent, engrossing debut; I look forward to seeing what Arafat produces next. Highly recommended. Many thanks to Dialogue Books for an ARC.

Started off great, but lagged in the middle and I got fairly disinterested. The writing while immersive didn't captivate me long enough to enjoy the story.

You Exist Too Much follows a Palestinian woman who was raised mostly in America. The unnamed main "too much" character who struggle with her sexuality, her culture, relationships, control and a love addition. Her struggles lead her to seek treatment in a facility for her addition to love where she comes face to face with her trauma and upbringing.

Arafat writes well about such a unique subject matter and the importance of identity and what makes you yourself. Arafat jumps in and out of time frames in an easy to follow way, I enjoyed the flashback scenes a lot more than the present day story. There where a few things that weren't really discussed like her career as a DJ.

I think this book would be a very powerful read for those who do struggle with similar issues to the main character.

First of all thank you to Netgalley, Little Brown Book Group UK and Zaina Arafat for giving me an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

You Exist Too Much is described as the story of a Palestinian American woman and her struggle with queerness, relationships and love addiction. It flashes between her life now and her younger years in which you discover more about her family life and culture, and how that impacts her.

Reading this description I was very excited, I wanted to read this coming of age story about a struggle with queerness! However, this wasn’t exactly that. From the description I had pictured someone younger, and someone that would struggle more with their queerness but it focuses more on the struggle that she has with love addiction and toxic relationships (both romantically and familial). This wasn’t a major disappointment as it was still interesting but it wasn’t what I had expected so it did throw me off a bit.

Next, I honestly didn’t realise that throughout the book Zaina Arafat doesn’t name the main character. When it came to writing this review I realised, but I didn’t realise before because I honestly didn’t connect to her too much, she was annoying at times and I really didn’t like how she treated others, which I think was the point of her. But, even though I didn’t notice until after I had finished the book, I still think that it was a really clever device and definitely one that I hadn’t seen before.

The plot wasn’t massively existent, with more of a focus on her relationships and the therapy that makes her reconsider how relationships should be, and her reflections upon previous relationships. It really did feel like there was one relationship after another which was a bit annoying as none of the partners were that interesting and were all very toxic, save the last one. I did however really enjoy the therapy scenes, although in my opinion they were cut too often and at first I was seriously concerned that she had joined a cult.

The exploration into how her mother had affected her so much that it filtered through to all of her relationships was really interesting, and I really enjoyed it. However, at the same time I would’ve liked to see her take more accountability for her own actions and even talk it all through with her mother properly. But it was really interesting to see the impact it had on her, and how her relationships suffered because of it.

One thing I didn’t really like was that the story jumped around a lot, it became hard to keep track of what was going on at times and why one bit was relevant to the previous. This would mainly happen in the therapy sessions, where it would jump from one long anecdote on a subject, back to the therapy for one paragraph and then to another unrelated anecdote. And later on in the book there is a switch where the main character gives us background on her mother’s upbringing but does so in the third person until she is born and it feels like it is written really differently, it threw me off.

Before I read the book I saw a review that said that this book had awful representation for bisexual people (as the main charcter suffers from love addiction and cheats on partners fairly regularly), which can be really damaging to the stereotypes that bisexual people face. While to some extent I agree that the book didn’t do wonders for those stereotypes, it also didn’t claim that this was something all bisexual people face, but rather something that this character faced because of her parents and how their relationship and how they treated her had a direct impact on her and her future relationships. I think it definitely would have been nice to have some good representation in the book, i.e. a bisexual character in a loving relationship or who does not approve of the main characters decisions, but ultimately the main character’s issues would be the same on any one regardless of sexuality. And the main character does want to overcome her issues and be in healthy, committed relationships with either a man or woman (and by the end we hope she has done this).

All in all I enjoyed it, I liked the writing and although I wish it had done some things better it was enjoyable and an interesting insight into some of the hardships that come with culture and sexuality. I’m not sure that I would read it again but it was a nice read, and a good debut novel.

‘Baggage. No one ever breaks free from it. Everyone has to figure out how to go on living, to be decent, in spite of it.’

Wonderful debut, reads like a memoir. I was hooked from the beginning and so eager to see the protagonist grow through the story and learn about the relationship with her mother. Beautiful language and interesting character.

You Exist Too Much is a novel about a self-sabotaging Palestian-American woman navigating relationships, family, and what she wants. An unnamed protagonist who grew up in America and spent summers in the Middle East is living with her girlfriend in New York, but keeps becoming obsessed with other people. Realising she is caught in a cycle of longing and self-destruction, she seeks help, but this awareness may not be enough, as she attempts to deal with her relationship with her controlling mother who won't accept her bisexuality and looks back at events from her past.

The book wasn't what I expected, being mostly about the protagonist's issues around obsession and stability that seem to stem from her childhood and relationship with her mother, but these made it an interesting look at a flawed character caught up in self-sabotage and dealing with the different facets of her life. There isn't a huge amount of plot, other than showing the main character keeping making mistakes and repeating things she did in the past, but there is some hopefulness to the novel at times (or at least the reader may hope there is), despite the general tone of thwarted opportunity and hurting herself and others. The focus on these issues, especially her cheating and seeming refusal to change or apologise at times, will probably put off readers, and there are a lot of heavy topics that come up along the way, including eating disorders and various addictions, so it's a book to go into with an awareness of what it's going to cover.

A novel about a bisexual Palestinian-American woman dealing with her own mental health issues and trauma is a refreshing concept and You Exist Too Much provides an interesting look at a troubled character, not shying away from not providing easy answers or solutions. Those looking for a more narrative-heavy or redemptive novel may not enjoy it, but it felt like it sits alongside other modern novels about female characters who are flawed and self-destructive.

Shorter than I thought but still captivating, a wonderfully promising debut from Zaina Arafat. I'm so excited to read more from her.

Thank you to Dialogue Books and NetGalley for an early copy of You Exist Too Much.

This book was brilliant from start to finish and I read it in one sitting. Arafat's writing is a pleasure to read and truly captured the intersection of identity, sexuality, religion and familial ties.

Whilst our narrator is not an unlikeable character, at times her thoughts and actions are questionable and this really brought a sense of authenticity to the work. This is one of the first books discussing bisexuality (or sexuality in general) that didn't feel as though it pandered but also did not feel as though it was being excessive. Arafat has got it just right and I would highly recommend this to anyone.

You Exist Too Much by Zaina Arafat is about a woman who sabotages herself in relationships and struggles with her identity.

This was a great window book for me. I don’t think I’ve ever read an own voices book by someone who is Palestinian. Also the main character is LGBT.

I thoroughly enjoyed this story of a women going between the past and the present to work out what caused the problems she is experiencing. Trigger Warnings For this book, homophobia, eating disorders, alcoholism.

Although I'd intended to read You Exist Too Much I nearly didn't after reading a really negative review for it, one that was very critical of Zaina Arafat's depiction of bisexuality. Luckily, my mother read this first and recommended it to me. While I believe that the gender and sexual orientation of a reviewer should not bias their opinion of a book, and I generally don't refer to my own sexuality, in this case I'll make an exception. For what is worth, I'm bisexual and I was not in the least offended by the novel's representation of bisexuality. When an author writes about a character—and even more so when they draw upon their own personal experiences to do so—they are presenting a unique point of view and they are not making generalisations for entire groups of people. The protagonist of this novel is a “love addict” not because of her bisexuality but because of her distorted relationship with her parents—in particular with her mother—and her belief that she's not worthy of love. Arafat never implies that bisexual people can't be faithful nor does she suggests that her protagonist's “love addiction” is caused by her bisexuality (it seems to stem instead from her fraught relationship to her narcissistic mother).
Arafat portrayal of mental illness also struck me as incredibly realistic and deeply resonated with my own personal experiences (having had an eating disorder and having lived with a parent affected by a mental illness and substance abuse issues).
All of this to say that while everyone is entitled to their own opinion, Arafat's treatment of mental and physical health conditions struck me as both informed and believable (feel free to disagree).
I will say that while I found this to be a deeply compelling read, I’m aware that it may not appeal to readers who dislike reading about self-destructive characters. If you hated Madame Bovary for the selfish behaviour of its eponymous heroine, well, chances are you won't like this one either (curiously enough Arafat's protagonist thinks rather harshly of Emma Bovary for “her childish fantasies and for cheating on Charles”).

“All along I knew what I was doing was wrong, that I was dangerously close to a precipice. But still, I need to fall in order to stop.”


You Exist Too Much presents its readers with an intimate and in-depth character study. While there are many new novels featuring self-loathing protagonists whose alienation interferes with their ability to form—and sustain—meaningful connections with others, You Exist Too Much feels like a fresh take on this 'genre'.
After yet another breakup the unnamed main character of You Exist Too Much tries to break free from this vicious cycle of self-sabotaging. She’s unable, and at times unwilling, to maintain healthy relationships with others and frequently becomes drawn to unattainable people, infatuation which soon morph into toxic obsessions. Arafat's protagonist mistakes attention for affection and she repeatedly harms those who actually care for her in order to pursue her objet petit a (what can I say, Lacan comes in handy now and again).
When the main character’s girlfriend finds out about her latest “inappropriate emotional connection”, she breaks up with her, telling her to “sift through your issues and face them” so that “maybe one day you’ll learn you can’t treat people with such disregard. Even yourself”. Our narrator attempts to do just that.

The narrative moves between past and present, from the Middle East to New York City and from Italy and Egypt. Readers are given a glimpse into the protagonist’s childhood—her emotionally distant father, her overbearing narcissistic mother—where we see the way these early years skew her self-perception. Her mother tells her she’s unlovable and that she “exists too much”. The narrator is aware that her attraction towards women is a problem for her mother, yet, even if she knows that she would be more accepted if she were to become exclusively romantically involved with men, she pursues relationships with women. So, while our protagonist clearly seeks her mother’s approval, she’s unwilling to deny her sexuality.
Throughout the course of the novel readers will realise that the narrator is perpetuating the same self-destructive behaviour. Regardless of how her relationships start, they always seem to come to disastrous ends because of her unfaithfulness (emotional and physical) and her “love addiction”, her solipsism and self-loathing, and her underlining unresolved issues with herself and her mother.

Now, I know that I’m making this novel sound rather depressing. And, to be fair, it has quite a few bleak moments. The protagonist makes a lot of awful choices, and she does some really terrible things. She’s also pretty much aware that her actions are wrong, and she does try to improve (for example she goes to rehab her “love addiction”).
There are more downs than ups as time and again we witness her repeating the same damaging behaviour (becoming attached to unavailable or toxic people). It certainly isn’t easy to unlearn habits, especially ones that are instilled in us during our upbringing. Our narrator messes up a lot, she hurts people who genuinely love her—breaking their trust, keeping them at arm’s length—and readers will probably want to shake her quite a few times. Still, I found myself growing attached to her. I really liked her cutting sense of humour, which also lightens the overall tone, and her introspectiveness. Her longing for happiness, for love, for acceptance, are rendered with clarity. Regardless of when or where she is—New York or the West Bank—the narrator is deeply aware of her own ‘otherness’. Although she grew up outside of the Middle East she remains strongly attached to her Arab roots, yet, she notes that “it’s the idiosyncrasies of culture that keep me an outsider, and leave me with a persistent and pervasive sense of otherness, of non-belonging”. In the U. S. too she’s “just as much of an outsider” and she’s made “starkly aware of [her] nonconformity”.

Arafat introduces her readers to flawed, yet ultimately compelling, characters. Regardless of their role in the narrator’s story, these characters—who are all contending with their own issues and desires— felt incredibly nuanced.
While this novel focuses a lot on the narrator failing to connect to others, there are moments of genuine understanding and love between the protagonist and her acquaintances/friends/partners. The narrator's quest for love isn't a happy one and her self-divide—between family obligation and desire, between her homelands, between the kind of person she is and the person she wants to be—don't make for easy reading material. Still, the directness of Arafat's narrator can at times make her into a rather charming individual.
You Exist Too Much is an impressive debut novel, one that is poignant, thoughtful, and bold and will appeal to readers who enjoyed The Far Field by Madhuri Vijay.