In Trauma and Ecstasy, Alex Abraham has written his autobiography about his life story and experiencing bad trauma growing up. He begins the book by sharing how he hated riding bikes in general but he was riding one in the Netherlands. His life changed forever at age 23. He started experiencing pain and had trouble peeing. He thought he had an infection from traveling. It turned out to be pelvis pain. He looked for relief in any activity or a promise of a healing. He read a post by author, Tucker Max and his own experience with MDMA assisted psychotherapy. He into great detail about everything he tried and went through. This lasted for years before he discovered the cause.


One day, he had a troubling dream from his childhood. He remembers having piano lessons throughout his childhood. His mom wanted him to try new activities and thought piano would help him. Mr. Bishop who refers to as Mr. Dickhead throughout the book. He was also his school music teacher in school. He told him he was smart and encouraged him. He said he was his favorite and none of the other kids practice like he did. This later was revealed to have known as an act of grooming him. He blamed the traffic and getting stuck in it caused him to wait and waste time. So, he offered to just drive him home to do the lessons. He remembered how he gave him a special candy bar from a local gas station on the first drive. The next ride home he took him by a special park. He thought he was friendly and it beat riding the bus home. He recalled the first time and how he felt like it was seconds and then how it eventually went to choking and rougher sexual acts. He bled a few times from it. Through therapy he was able to recall him raping him and making him taste him. The rapes went on for years until he was about 7. He even had a friend rape him once. One time he even told a teacher and wasn’t believed.


He touched on eventually telling his parents and how they went to the police. They took it seriously at first then couldn’t find any evidence. His statements can be seen in video online. He also wrote a letter to the school board explaining to him what happened. They wrote a response and they never did fire him. In fact, he received an award in 2021-2022 for best outstanding school based professional employee of the year. Right after the case was closed.


This story is just downright troubling and the lack of action from the school board is just astonishing. It was very heartbreaking to read his whole experiences with being raped and all the graphic details. I feel like this book needs to make national news and media outlets need to discuss the topic. This book brought tears to my eyes in reading it. It also reminds me of a song by Jelly Roll entitled, “Hear Me Out”.

Raw and real, a valuable insight into the eyes of another. A painful read at times, but praise is with the author- I’m sure this book will help others.

Thanks to NetGalley for providing an e-ARC. Go into this book with an open-mind and you will not only learn a lot of new information but likely change your view of the use of psychedelics. I found this book to be thought provoking and overall well written. This beautiful memoir shares one person’s experience with debilitating trauma and finally finding relief from the pain and sufferings through the used of psychedelics. I would recommend this author in the future and would recommend this book now.

This one is hard to rate. I have great respect for Abraham's courage and resilience in not only pursuing his trauma memories, but also trying to get justice and prevent his abuser from working with other children. (Sadly no surprise that the system failed him.) Anyone presented with years of unexplained chronic pain, as a patient or a professional treating them, should consider the possibility of repressed abuse.

From the NetGalley description, I was expecting the book to educate me more broadly about psychedelics in modern trauma therapy, but it is pretty exclusively a personal story. That was disappointing because I would have liked to understand more about why different psychedelics would be more or less effective for someone else starting such a healing process.

But my actual reason for the mid-level rating is that the author's voice didn't feel mature enough. I think he might have been better off waiting to tell this story until he grew up a little more and saw his family members as fully rounded characters, rather than only in reference to himself.

For instance, I could sympathize with his anger that his parents didn't notice the signs of abuse, which he partly blames on his mother having a demanding career outside the home. But I found myself wondering how he was paying for all this psychedelic therapy when he couldn't work because of his mental health. Turns out she paid for it, but we don't find this out till a single line in the acknowledgments.

I was also turned off by the voice in the opening chapter where he describes his sexual and elimination problems in rather simple, crude language. I'm no prude, but from a literary standpoint, I feel you need to establish more of a bond with the reader--an investment in you as a main character with other interesting traits--before leading with this information in so much detail.

alex’s story is incredibly interesting and i think it is fascinating to see this from a first person perspective.

i am not a nuero scientist but i am quite skeptical about repressed memories and how trauma manifests in the body, however i have always believed that a bad mental state can impact your physical health.

i am awed by alex’s open mindedness and willing to explore options outside of traditional treatments, i know i would’ve been right where he started, being pissed off at every doctor and physical therapist that didn’t help.

i think the book would’ve benefitted from including information about how psychedelics can be beneficial, whether there’s any scientific trials demonstrating their benefits, etc., i understand this is not a scientific paper, but i think it would’ve been interesting to see any of the research alex done leading up to or after beginning treatment.

i hope that alex goes on to grow even further and i am happy that his journey has been so beneficial for him.

4.5⭐️

[a copy of this book was provided to me by the publisher from netgalley. thank you!]

a dark and deeply personal and moving memoir about how psychedelic drugs assisted the author in recovering from childhood trauma. as someone with childhood trauma, i found this to be very insightful and interesting. more advocacy and research is needed to understand the connections between psychedelic drugs and trauma.

I find it tough to rate this 5 stars because of the subject matter and the horrors that Alex lived through. I know trauma is in the title, but holy moly it is A LOT of trauma. Bless him for being willing to share his journey with all of us. He wrote this book in an incredibly open, honest & frankly, raw way. There was no slow introductions, right from the start we begin to read about his scars. It is important. I think all survivors of abuse will be able to relate, and just maybe feel less alone. And I certainly hope writing it helped him to cut more of his trauma free. Reading about his psychedelic therapies is incredibly interesting and I thank him for doing what he can in bringing the idea of it forward. I’d love to read something by Katrina (not about her work with Alex specifically; just to go deeper into the work) While this book was a tough read, while it doesn’t end the way that you or I or especially Alex would want; I still found myself tearing up that he was finding the positive in life despite everything. Thank you so much to NetGalley for a copy in exchange for my review

Trauma and Ecstasy is a brutal and open account about the author’s struggle with repressed trauma. Through many sessions of MDMA and psilocybin with a caring and thoughtful guide, Alex remembers that he had been repeatedly raped and brutalized by his childhood piano teacher and later by the piano teacher and an associate. This is a raw account of repeated trauma and the author is to be commended for his candor and willingness to speak out.

Had I not just read a book about new modalities for treating depression written by my own former therapist, I might have scoffed at Alex’s chosen mode of treatment. However, the book describes that these medicines may well be on the forefront of treating trauma.

Mr. Alexander starts the book with his journey through modern medicine and physical therapy as well as conventional talk therapy as he tries to figure out some serious issues with his pelvis, a journey that apparently takes many years. Interspersed in the book are look-backs at his childhood and his later reflections that he was never good enough for his
parents who, in addition to Alex, had another son who has autism as well as a daughter. All of these feelings as well as his reliving of the repeated rapes are revealed during his process with unconventional treatment.

He also beautifully describes his relationship with his mother which deepens over time as they are able to reach deeper within themselves and share feelings.

Many times, books that detail personal trauma are not well written and seem to be something the author needs to write for themselves but are not necessarily meant for the general public. The opposite is true of Trauma and Ecstasy. Mr. Alexander writes beautifully and I am grateful that he shares his journey with the reader.

Highly recommended.

I received this book as an ARC from the publisher via NetGalley.