The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids with ADHD, Anxiety, and More

I do not normally read non-fiction books. I found some good information in this book. I really liked reading it. I was kindly provided an e-copy of this book by the publisher or author via NetGalley, booksirens, or goodreads giveaway in exchange for an honest review, and I want to send a big Thank you to them for that.

As a child that was told she's too hyper and was always with intense high energy I can relate to much of what this wonderful author illustrates as effective parenting and skills.
As a young girl my parents were told to put me on medication and thankfully my mother never did as for me it's not so much ADHD as sugar was the culprit and food intake.
As with any kid if you give them sugar they will climb the walls and couple that with a metabolism that never slows and you'll get the same result.
In this case, the author discusses ways to calm the issues before they become uncontrollable and destructive.
Using strategic and compassionate ways means being able to first listen and understand the emotional, physical, and mental needs of that complicated child.
Providing a confident backdrop for future success isn't something that you're born with so it must be cultivated and enabled to function and excell with the right path forward.
Find compassion, ask don't just tell, let go of some control and coach as you'd want to be coached were just some of the means and ways available to parents and supportive systems.
Saying NO to perfectionism is something that I've known all too well unfortunately all my life. It wasn't until my later years in my 40's and beyond that I realized I can't control every outcome and that's ok too. In fact, to be brutally honest it arrived in the form of patience when the family court systems drug their feet in my civil battles such as divorce and child support.
What's also not discussed but I wish was is the lack of the supportive structure, the ignorance of facts, and the lack of the ability to parent effectively as was my case with two narcissistic parents who controlled via force and discipline rather than love and guidance.
Guidance in a structured positive environment makes all the difference to a child coming up in the world.
Having the right teacher that makes learning fun, welcoming, and productive also carries its weight in gold.
I was unlucky to have parents that understand the complexities but did have several teachers later in college that made learning fun, interesting, and challenging all at the same time.
This propelled me to conquer the challenge with high honors, dean's list, and introductions into several national honor societies and beyond but more importantly gave me the confidence to know I'm not to blame or to shame but rather I'm like everyone else looking for acceptance, love, and unconditional support that I've never received.
For those struggling do not let doctors, therapist, or the like tell you that you have an issue and allow them the ability to mask that with medication.
Medication these days along with therapy and the like is being used and abused and we need people who can simply listen, understand, comprehend and assist in a supportive manner rather than condemn, blame, and shame away the problem.
Thank you to Elaine Taylor-Klaus, the pub, NetGalley, and Amazon Kindle for this ARC in exchange for this honest review.

Using a 'coach-approach' method, Elaine Taylor-Klaus, parenting expert and co-founder/CEO of ImpactADHD.com, shows in simple steps, how to identify challenge areas and how to use critical tools to communicate simply, clearly, and effectively—for everyone’s benefit.  

Complex kids (those with ADHD, anxiety, learning disabilities, sensory processing, ODD, autism, depression, attachment issues, etc.) struggle with some aspects of life and learning but it is possible to communicate, collaborate, and guide them on their path to independence and success and a healthy, happy, well-adjusted life.

I'm not a parent, but rather a late-diagnosed autistic woman married to a man awaiting ADHD assessment, and found this book invaluable in terms of re-parenting myself and improving communication in our relationship.

eARC provided by NetGalley , thank you to NetGalley and Fair Winds Press, all opinions are my own.
	
“Simply put, kids who are wired to be impulsive, clingy, distracted, disorganized, fearful, emotionally unregulated, and/or hyperactive can wreak havoc in the life of a family, requiring a great deal more than normal parenting. “

The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids with ADHD, Anxiety, and More by Elaine Taylor-Klaus (spoiler free reviews)
Standalone
Publish Date:  1st September 2020
Cover Rating: 6/10
Adult – Non-Fiction - Self-Help – Complex Kids

The short synopsis:
Guide kids of all ages on their path to independence and success! The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids is a wake-up call, a clear path for action, and a message of inspiration, providing a reality-based recipe for raising complex kids, while not making yourself (or your family) crazy in the process. 

This is important:

“Beyond the extra burden of supporting and advocating for special needs, there is an emotional load on parents of complex kids that is difficult to articulate, and it carries the heaviest weight of all – worry.”

I struggled to not quote this entire book because so much of it resonated with me. Every page I was like: yes, YES, YEEES. I even got a little emotional, it’s not an easy journey for parents that have complex needs to raise complex kids and my own issues have me questioning my own parenting skills every day. 

Having no experience or support left me feeling very alone when my 8 year old was diagnosed with ADHD last year and I also have a 7 year old that struggles with anxiety. It’s a long and complex story about that entire situation and I was and have been pretty lost throughout it and this book made me realize I can make a change and empower myself and my family to be the best we can be.

In many ways this book has changed my perspective , to see things through my children's eyes. There were a lot of eye –opening moments in general. It has also really spurred me into doing more independent research and empowering my family as a unit.

'Parent like a coach.'

I would have liked more scientific evidence and references, as a self –dates and facts, and books and studies always help convince me .There were minor religious references , nothing too uncomfortable. But the author did mentioned Dolores Umbridge and HP characters which was a cute contemporary touch.

Who is this book for?
THIS BOOK IS FOR EVERYONE. Parents to be, teachers, parents with or without complex kids. This can teach you a lot about how you raise your children and about how you view other complex children and their parents.  I beg of you to read it or something similar to this.

Now is the time to redefine what a family should be and who’s expectations you are trying to live up to. What is important is being that support structure for your child and guiding them though life to adulthood with the best tools, this book really shows you the guidance, new tools and explains all the steps. I loved it.

Although it is often said that babies do not emerge from the womb equipped with a manual, this excellent book explaining effective strategies for the parenting of complex children may just be the manual that we all thought did not exist.  The book provides common sense methodology for solving problems that often arise and relies upon short case studies to explain and delineate the challenges and issues that many parents confront.  The book also shares anecdotes from the author's own personal experience of parenting three complex children of her own.  The book's coaching based, problem-solving model is compassionate, logical and straightforward, and is designed to help virtually all parents facing parenting challenges because, as the author points out, parents of complex children are far more alike than they are different.  The book contains helpful graphics and bullet points, and is extremely well organized.  Finally, the book contains thought provoking discussion questions throughout.   I give this excellent title my strongest recommendation.

There's something unbelievably fabulous about a book that hits so close to home, you wonder if the author somehow hung out in your living room for years, collecting your finest and most challenging parenting moments for this Essential Guide without you knowing it.  Elaine Taylor-Klaus has clearly and beautifully captured some of the most poignant, painful and perfect experiences that all parents raising complex kids face.   She describes exactly what I myself have felt over the years, while raising my own complex kids, and she echoes what I' hear from parents on a daily basis; 'Why can't my kid just do x,' and 'What am I doing wrong as a parent?'' and 'What if we fail?'  ETK doesn't just connect with the reader, she helps us know we are not alone.  She reminds us that what's happening in our ADHD or Anxious home is happening in other ADHD & Anxious homes. In my case, it's nice to know we are perfectly normal for a family with ADHD.   Most importantly, Taylor-Klaus offers meaningful, effective help and hope.  A simple shift in perspective, remembering to ask what's really going on here, or what does my child need most right now, can make all the difference between a meltdown or magic. The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids is easy to read, easy to understand and easy to implement. It provides common sense, family directed, and effective plans of action for struggling families  I can't tell you how much I needed to read every bit of this book - especially this year.    Being able to understand how I and my complex children operate during these challenging times is truly essential for our success.  Can't wait to share it with my colleagues!

“The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids” is exactly as promised in the title. As a high school teacher I thought of particular students while reading Ms. Taylor-Klaus’s vignettes “stories”. I imagined applying  “acknowledgment, compassion, and empathy” in the classroom as she clearly explains  for parents in the home. I appreciate how direct and we’ll organized the book is with science to help us understand, and far more practical step by step guidance to give children the tools they need to achieve success . Ms. Taylor-Klaus reminds us “Say Yes to Redefining Success” as one way to reach every child. She quotes Toni Morrison,
“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.”
I will recommend this book to parents and teachers

In The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids, The author, Elaine Taylor-Klaus answers the question “Why can’t you just…?” with “Because they can’t, they don’t know how.”.
Love your children for who they are not for who you want them to be. 
The same can be said for all individuals.
However, it is important to say, as Elaine so encouragingly does, there are certain things we must do to manage our daily lives.
The reader learns from Elaine that this is called Executive Function.
The word “executive” conjures an image only attained by a privileged few. 
Not to worry!
Elaine distills the Executive Function concept into organized, easily understood subsets with real life personality characterizations. 
Readers will relate to one or more of these with the feeling that Elaine is addressing them directly.
As with executives, when strengths are  identified and practiced with encouragement, these skills manifest in a most exemplary manner allowing all of us to be the managing executives of our own lives.
With emotional intelligence, a generous heart and a patient nature, Elaine guides readers to be their best selves. 
This book is a primer for all people for all time.

Reading this book, I felt like Elaine was in the room sitting next to me. In her personable, conversational voice, Elaine uses story-telling and clear problem-solving strategies to help us find new ways to solve complicated situations. As a parent of young adult complex kids and a professional working with adults and families on this journey, I can wholeheartedly say that the coaching, strategies, and guidance in this book are invaluable to support kids of any age to be their best selves.  This book is a must for any parent, adult or professional looking to learn more about how to embrace, manage, and support anyone living with challenging conditions. It is not to be missed!

This book compassionately captures the everyday stresses and long term fears of loving, well-meaning parents who are lost raising complex kids.  And Taylor-Klaus continues with grace and wisdom about raising children for whom parenting approaches we observe around us do not work. She explains why those approaches aren’t working. Then she describes appropriate shifts in perspective and how  parents and children can work together towards increasing growth and independence. 

The book is a pleasure to read. There are many opportunities to recognize yourself in examples of frustrated, bewildered, or self-doubting thoughts. With good humor, Taylor-Klaus shares some of her own missteps. I laughed with self-recognition at her early attempt to change behavior with an overly complicated chart. Behind this misguided solution, I also recognized a commonly held, sincere, and persistent desire to help her children. Luckily for us, Taylor-Klaus has learned a lot since then, both personally and professionally.

Taylor-Klaus reminds us that “At the end of your life, you don’t want to be the leading expert on your child. You want them be become the leading expert on themselves.” The wisdom in this book is an important part of getting there.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus coaches parents to raise kids with patience and calm in The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids with ADHD, Anxiety and More. In a warm, knowledgeable and funny expert-next-door style, the author details the mistakes she made early on with her three complex kids before starting coaching. With aha- insights and solid reframing, parents will find the tools to avoid battles and to savor peace. 

This book is written for parents as well as “teachers, tutors and therapists—any adult who can use a coach approach to enroll young people to take ownership of their life.” My complex ADHD kid is now 24 and although I could have used this book 20 years ago, I found plenty of excellent take-aways for dealing with adult children, colleagues and heck—even my husband!

From Chapter 4
“Four cornerstone concepts from coaching adapt beautifully when applied specifically to complex kids:
1. People aren’t broken; they’re creative, resourceful, and whole.
2. To create change, people must have ownership of their agenda.
3. Life’s curveballs are to be expected and are an opportunity for growth
and learning.
4. To address problems, we must look at how they relate to all aspects of
our lives.

There’s really nothing more you could want for your kids than to have them
reach their full potential. You want them to understand what makes them tick without getting defensive; to believe in themselves; and to feel capable of becoming successful adults. As you learn to provide honest and constructive feedback in a way that kids can receive it, you’ll communicate with less judgment and more acceptance. Kids will see you as a member of their team and seek your guidance and support.

You can learn to:
• let go of fear and judgement;
• see your kids’ capabilities and gifts;
• advocate for them effectively;
• set appropriate expectations and priorities;
• improve your communication;
• offer guidance your kids can accept without defensiveness;
• put systems into place that work well for everyone; and
• make it okay for them to make mistakes”

The concepts above can be for any offspring, not just complex kids. Taylor-Klaus’s book belongs on every parent’s shelf, whether their children are grown or growing

I just finished up The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids with ADHD, Anxiety, and More and it would be hard to recommend it highly enough. I have 3 complex kids and my only wish was that I had Elaine Taylor-Klaus' book 20 years ago!

The book is extremely straightforward and provides practical advice for a myriad of parenting situations.  Taylor-Klaus' coaching background really comes through in those anecdotes.. In addition, it shares stories of similar kids so you're feeling is that you are not alone.

Highly recommended for all parents!

This book is exactly as the title suggests—an essential guide for parents who are seeking information, support and community in their struggles to raise “complex kids” (which the author defines.) I think this is also an excellent book for all parents on raising confident, well-adjusted kids, and coming through the pressures of parenthood with your own self-confidence and self-worth intact.  Taylor-Klaus emphasizes positive strategies, a variety of options and approaches to suit different parenting styles, and the importance of self-care in being effective and maintaining joy. I will recommend this book to my students and clients seeking support, and to my friends and family, as they continue on their own parenting journeys.

The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids with ADHD, Anxiety, and More is wonderful book and an incredible resource. As a parent with complex kids, this book provides clarity to a number of problems my wife and I have struggled with over the years. 

Written in a clear concise voice, the book is like having a trusted friend and world class expert sitting next to you. Knowing that many of  the challenges we faced with our kids are shared by many other parents helps so much. 

Elaine Taylor-Klaus is a coach, parenting expert, and is the CEO of ImpactADHD. Her coaching background comes through in practical advice for almost any situation that a parent of a complex kid could imagine. This book will be dog eared on many parents' shelves for years to come.

This book is great REQUIRED READING for every parent, especially those with complex kids! Elaine Taylor-Klaus shares inspirational client and personal stories, thought provoking quotes, and offers impactful and super accessible tips and tools that you can use immediately. She covers the following topics and tools…and more, that will support you and your kids to flourish: Motivators, Triggers, Levels of Parenting, Naughty vs. Neurological, Get Curious not Furious, Taking Aim, Tone of the Home, Fail Forward, Getting Buy-In, Rinse and Repeat, Transparency, and Celebrating! She delivers content in a clear, concise, and accessible manner, using, and teaching us, the coach approach. After reading this book you’ll know you are not alone, and you’ll have tools at your fingertips to create connected, fulfilling and empowering relationships with your real, unique and amazing kids. Teachers will love it, too! HIGHLY RECOMMEND!

What a treasure. Read this book and reread it -- mark it up and grow with it. 

The book is easy to read. It is straightforward and has many clear ideas, concrete suggestions, and useful language that I keep underlining and copying down to remember. Yet the “The Essential Guide” doesn’t oversimplify or water down its valuable content. The book reads like distilled deep wisdom. 
Elaine writes with a clear and comfortable tone. She gets it -- what it’s like to care about complex kids, and at the same time, to be completely flabbergasted, stuck, and overwhelmed by how to help. Well organized to be accessible for skimming, deep reading, or cherry-picking, her book is extremely user-friendly and worth your time. 

I picked this up because I am a middle school teacher, and I’m trying to get better at guiding each and every one of my students. In particular, that kid that earnestly promises to do their homework, and never does; the other who loves the class conversations and adds high-level commentary but cannot find a pencil; the one who is consistently under valuing their own confidence. I have come to realize that so many of these students are the ones with diagnosed learning issues -- or the ones that us teachers talk about as “that kid should have a diagnosis…”. I picked up this book to find out how to help these complex kids. What I got was so much more -- a roadmap for how to further my own personal growth, as a teacher and as a parent and even (dare I say it) as just me. I can only imagine that this book could be revolutionary for a parent who feels overwhelmed with parenting their own complex kid.

Through it all, it feels like someone is sitting next to you, listening deeply to you, understanding your feelings of concern, overwhelm, fear, and frustration, because Elaine has been there.  She tells you just enough of her story to let you know she is genuine (and herself a work in progress), but not so much that the book becomes her story. 

The goal is to help parents help their kids learn to manage their issues. Elaine uses what she calls a “coach approach” to raising complex kids, which is, frankly, a beautiful way to approach oneself and every human and human challenge. I can imagine the overwhelmed parent exhaling with relief at various points in this book -- “I can do this”. I know that when I am feeling overwhelmed, I will return to this book for that relief.

I’m taking from this book so many ways to reframe and manage my own tensions as a teacher, and strategies for specific kids in my classroom. I’m sobered by Elaine’s advice to focus on relationships over tasks, and her convincing discussion of why (and how!) to do this. 

I am certainly going to look for the strengths of each and every student - and especially the ones who I find myself reflexively pigeonholing as troubled or classroom problems. I’m going to try to reframe my “Why does he ___?” to “Is it naughty or neurological?” (What a gem of a question!!)  And I know I will return to the “Questions for Self-Discovery” that are at the end of each chapter, as a way of reminding myself of the important Big Ideas in this book. And, frankly, I’ll use these to remember the Big Ideas when it comes to being the person I want to become.

I’m ordering copies for a few friends. And I’ll pass along this book to so many parents and colleagues when I head to a new classroom teaching job this fall.

This ESSENTIAL GUIDE really is.      Taylor-Klaus serves up an engaging, empathetic and incredibly wise look at parenting, nurturing and coaching complex kids in complex times.     I loved the relatability-- and, indeed, universality-- of her observations and recommendations    Even if you are not raising a complex kid, you may well be teaching, coaching, or carpooling with one.    Or you may be working with-- or married to-- the complex adult they become.    In any event, everyone can benefit from Taylor-Klaus' smart, comprehensive playbook.

It's easy as the parent of a neuro-atypical child to feel like a failure. Have you tried every therapy? Have you provided every opportunity? Why haven't you found the magic bullet that will make everything alright? And so much of the literature for parents simply adds to those feelings of inadequacy. 

Fortunately, Elaine Taylor-Klaus' "Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids with ADHA, Anxiety, and More" is a different kind of book. Relentlessly upbeat and practical, Taylor-Klaus's book gives the reader simple and effective ways to be a smarter and more effective parent. 

In straight-forward language, Taylor-Klaus illustrates the challenges facing our complicated kids and the ways that parenting them is different and teaches how to approach a wide variety of situations from the perspective of a coach. The result isn't a book you read once, cover to cover. It's a user's manual that you'll return to over and over as your child and your relationship grow and change.  

Full of stories of Taylor-Klaus' own family, the "Essential Guide" is remarkably compassionate to the reader. You'll recognize yourself over and over and learn a broad array of strategies that will benefit your child, your relationship, and your whole family. She leaves you, not with feelings of guilt for where you've come up short in the past, but energized and optimistic about how you can have a positive impact on your child right now.