I was lucky enough to find an advanced copy of this collection on Netgalley. Thanks to A. K. Herman and for making it available. This collection of slice of life short stories all capturing various vignette' of the Caribbean experience in America.

The characters are written beautifully with brilliant symbolism. Nary a happy ending between them so be prepared to shed a tear.
I did find it difficult to parse some of the dialect but it was fitting to the story and the more complex words were provided in a glossary.

4.5⭐️ Review

How to Lose at Longing by A. K. Herman is a beautifully strange, emotionally vivid collection that really sticks with you. Each story explores longing in a different way; sometimes sensual, sometimes unsettling, often both. The mix of realism and surreal elements works really well, especially in standout stories like Keepsake and Speedo (which will definitely stick with me).

Herman’s prose is also vivid without being overdone, and the characters feel real even in the most unusual situations. The only minor flaw is that a couple of stories don’t hit quite as hard as the others. They felt a bit underdeveloped, like they ended just as things were getting interesting. That might just be me wanting more of Herman's writing, i'm also aware of the fact that not every story in a collection will hit right for everyone. However, because of that, the emotional payoff wasn’t always as strong as it was in the best pieces. Still, overall it’s a memorable read I’d definitely recommend to any short story lover and anyones first collection to dip their toe into.

A. K. Herman’s How to Lose at Longing is a masterfully curated collection that navigates the thin, shimmering line between the visceral and the surreal. With prose that is as sensual as it is unsettling, Herman explores the "peculiar human ache" through a Caribbean lens that feels both timeless and urgently modern. From the haunting, supernatural undertones of "Keepsake" to the sharp, devastating historical weight of "Up Down," each story vibrates with a raw emotional honesty. Herman possesses a rare command of the short story form, crafting characters so tactile and grounded that their longing becomes the reader’s own. This collection is a stunning exploration of survival, tradition, and the ghost-quiet moments that define a life a must-read for fans of literary fiction who crave stories that linger long after the final page is turned.

This was a really poignant collection of short stories. The central themes of loss were explored in really thought provoking ways even though all the stories didn't hit for me. My favorite stories were definitely the titular 'How to Lose at Longing', and 'Speedo'. Along with the central theme of longing, there's a caribbean aspect to most of these stories. A lot of stories dealt with immigration, and didn't shy away from difficult topics. The characters in most of the stories felt real, and i empathized with the impossible positions many of them were put in. I do feel like I didn't fully understand some of the stories, particularly the last story was a pretty unexpected shift that I still don't fully get. Overall, this collection gave me a lot to think about.

Thanks to Netgalley and A. R. Phillips Press for the advanced copy!

A really beautiful, thoughtful and thought-provoking collection that will stay with me. There’s a strong thread of longing running through the stories, but it’s explored in such varied and interesting ways. Some stayed with me more than others, especially How to Lose at Longing and Speedo, which really lingered. The stories around immigration and identity felt particularly powerful, and the characters often felt very real, even when they were in difficult or complicated situations. A few stories didn’t fully land for me personally and there were moments where I wasn’t sure I’d completely understood what the author was trying to do, but that almost added to it in a way. It’s the kind of book that makes you pause, reflect, and sit with it a bit afterwards.

I seem to be in the minority here, but I loved this collection! Maybe because I'm a working class person of color who immigrated from a third world country to a first world country in the hopes of a better life, so most of the story themes resonated with me. And for those experiences I've been lucky enough not to be in the position to relate to, the stories did an excellent job of showing me what they could've been like, and some of those stories stayed with me after I finished.

I think the stumbling block for many readers is the second story, Small Castles, because it's in 1st POV and the English (not just in the dialogue but in the narration) might be perceived as "broken" when it is, in fact, just how English developed in a certain part of the world. I did pause there myself, but when I returned to the book with the intent of really reading (and not just skimming while there's something streaming on the TV in the background, for example), I couldn't put it down.

The variety of the stories was great. I especially enjoyed Small Castles, Speedo, and The Rules + Dance. And I loved how there were speculative elements in some of them, too.

This is my first time reading Herman’s work and I truly enjoy her writing style. This is also my first time reading stories with Caribbean influences and references in them, so it was a fun experience that made me want to learn more. Personally, I always liked reading short story collections, so this book works very well for me.

Some stories stood out for me, especially Small Castles, Keepsake, and Jackie’s story (The Rules and Dance). Even with my lack of knowledge about the culture and references (I’m not from the US, nor the Caribbean), I can still feel connected to the stories and the characters, which I think speaks a lot about this book. While I do find it harder to immerse myself in the last story in this work (Up, Down), I still had a great time reading How to Lose at Longing.

Thank you NetGalley and A.R Phillips Press LLC for the ARC!

I loved the flow of the book. Every chapter for focused on a different character and it made the story interesting. It made me nostalgic in a way since a lot of the stories took place in New York City. I also enjoyed that I was able to read about the immigrant experience and they trials they need to overcome.

4.5/5

How to Lose at Longing is a book of short stories containing ten stories:

How to Lose at Longing — 4/5
Small Castles — 4.5/5
Keepsakes — 4.5/5
Speedo — 5/5
The Rules — 5/5
Dance — 4/5
Rules, Ordinances and Understandings — 5/5
The Both — 4.5/5
Up, Down — 4/5
Afterword — 4.5/5

Overall, it was a very quick and lovely read. This is my first NetGalley ARC, so I read it right the way through. It took me three hours to read it. I normally don’t read short stories, but I wanted to explore different genres. I would recommend this to anyone who wants to start reading short stories. They are easy, fast-paced, and full of depth. They explore longing, human ache, and real-life situations.
I also really liked the changes between second- and first-person narration throughout the stories, as it kept things interesting. However, I feel this is important for readers to take into account, as some people don’t like first-person narration, while others don’t like second-person narration.

This novel examines love, loss, and the search for meaning. The characters were well-developed and emotionally believable. I appreciated the author's honest approach to difficult emotions. The writing was accessible and engaging throughout. The story balanced sadness with moments of hope and growth. Overall, it was a touching and reflective read.

It is a lovely collection of short stories for all types of tastes!

This collection contains a unique set of stories, each causing different emotions.

I personally loved the first and Jackie's story. The characters felt well fledged out, and I was hoping and grieving with them.

Each story has their own central topic, and it was intriguing to get an insight into all these different life situations. Some I may relate to more, while others was a glimpse to help be considerate of people in different circumstances more.

While I struggled to connect care for some (e.g. the last story), others I wish I read 300 more pages about. As previously mentioned, for example, the forbidden relationship, grief, and longing of the first story; or the empowering character development of Jackie.

If you are planning to read this, don't get discouraged if you don't like the first one, give the others a chance! There will be a story for you somewhere in this collection.

While some stories would get more, and some a bit less, I will settle on a solid 3*.

A collection of stories exploring the raw emotion of longing, across many different scenarios. Beautifully written to encourage the reader to think this through.

★★★★
How to Lose at Longing is a beautifully strange collection about desire, grief, immigration, identity, and all the messy little ways we ache for people and places. The stories move between the sensual, surreal, and unsettling, with vivid prose and a strong Caribbean perspective. As with most collections, some stories landed more deeply than others, but the best ones truly lingered. A thoughtful read for anyone who enjoys their yearning with a side of emotional damage and just a little supernatural sparkle.
Thank you to NetGalley and A. R. Phillips Press for the ARC in exchange for an honest review

4/5 ⭐

How to Lose at Longing by A.K. Herman is a compelling collection of short stories exploring longing, loss, desire, relationships, and the complicated choices people make when they find themselves caught between what they want and what they can have.

I particularly enjoyed Small Castles, Speedo, The Rules, Dance, and The Both. Each story had its own atmosphere and perspective, and I liked how the collection moved between realistic situations and more surreal or speculative elements. The Caribbean influences also added something distinctive to the stories and made the collection feel different from what I usually read.

Some stories resonated with me more strongly than others, and a few were a little harder for me to fully connect with, but the collection as a whole gave me plenty to think about. Herman’s writing is evocative, sometimes unsettling, and very focused on the emotional complexities of her characters.

A thoughtful collection for readers who enjoy literary short fiction with themes of longing, love, loss, identity, and human connection.

Thank you to NetGalley and A.R. Phillips Press for the opportunity to read this ARC in exchange for an honest review.

How to Lose at Longing is one of those collections that reminds you just how many forms longing can take.
Longing for love. For belonging. For freedom. For another person. For a different life. For something lost—or perhaps something we were never meant to have in the first place.
These stories are sensual, strange, unsettling, and at times wonderfully surreal. Each one feels distinct, yet that persistent human ache of wanting connects them. Some characters follow rules in hopes of getting what they desire, while others break them entirely. Some cling to people, memories, or relationships long past their expiration date. And sometimes the thing a character longs for turns out to be far more complicated than they imagined.
I especially enjoyed the slightly dreamlike quality running through the collection. Reality and the supernatural occasionally blur together in ways that make you question exactly what you’ve just read, while the emotional core of the stories remains incredibly human.
There’s also a darkness here that I wasn’t expecting. Desire isn’t romanticized. Longing can make people tender and vulnerable, but it can also make them selfish, desperate, destructive, and willing to accept things they otherwise wouldn’t.
And maybe that’s what I appreciated most about this collection—it understands that wanting something deeply doesn’t necessarily mean having it would make us happy.
Beautifully written, provocative, occasionally bizarre, and filled with characters whose desires linger long after their stories end.
Because perhaps the hardest lesson about longing is realizing that sometimes there is no way to win.

The publisher provided ARC via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

"How to Lose at Longing" by A. K. Herman is a touching collection of short stories about loss, longing, immigration, and identity. The Caribbean background adds something special to the stories, and many of the characters feel real and easy to connect with. While a few stories were difficult to understand and did not connect with me as much, the collection still gave me a lot to think about. Overall, it is a thoughtful and emotional book that stays with you after you finish reading. This is my first book from a Caribbean writer and culture.

Thanks to Netgalley and A. R. Phillips Press for the advanced copy!